A Glimmer Of Hope...

[Deleted member 33052]

Today, I realized that my PTSD was a gift. Because of it, I've been turned inside out and forced to face the demons that have been haunting me all my life. Demons that I've buried so deep, I forgot
that they are the cause of my despair, my sadness, my grief, and most of all, my shame. Like a cancer that's become so entrenched inside me, I have no concept of who I would be without it.

If the PTSD hadn't been triggered, I would have spent the rest of my miserable existence feeling nothing but pain and shame. I didn't know I could get better. I didn't know I had the right to be whole. Now, I'm forced to fight my demons, one at a time, and take back what they've stolen from me. It hurts like hell. I dread going to therapy. I feel like I've been flayed when I leave. But I also feel a little bit stronger, a bit more like the person I think I could be.

What this means to me is that before I die, I'm going to get to live. I don't care if it's for a month or a week or a day, I'm going to live. Unshackled, unburdoned. Free. Happy.

 

[oasis2003]

I hope you feel happy soon @Mal Content

 

[Tinyflame]

Though I'd never consider it a gift, I like your post @Mal Content .

What do you do to deal with things, or do you know what to do & just apply it?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

June bug, I'm doing EMDR to work through some of the unresolved emotions, but I think what's helped me most are some lessons I learned over at superbetter. Things like learning how to accept the parts of me that I hate, like shame and anger, also learning how to change my inner dialogue so that I don't call myself stupid all day long anymore, lots of small things that have made a huge difference in my attitude!

Shame, especially, was crippling me, so I spend a bit of time every day working on that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks @Mal Content .

Shame, especially, was crippling me, so I spend a bit of time every day working on that.

How, if i may ask?

 

[freyjacat]

Today, I realized that my PTSD was a gift. Because of it, I've been turned inside out and forced to...

Beautiful. Before you die, you will get to live, and that certainly is an accomplishment.

Happy for you.

 

[mary1979]

The prospect of actually living rather than just getting by is really exciting isn't it?

You're such a kind hearted person @Mal Content.
Thank you for always taking the time for myself and others x

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Thanks, Mary! Like the saying goes, it takes one to know one!

 

[RavenGirl]

I don't care if it's for a month or a week or a day, I'm going to live. Unshackled, unburdoned. Free. Happy.

LOVE IT, you brought a tear to my eye! ! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!! :inlove:

 

[ladee]

I also look at PTSD as a gift... some days I hate it with passion... some days I am so grateful that the pain, confusion, or whatever the problem is, led me to a much deeper understanding of myself and my place on this earth.People with PTSD are some of the strongest people on the planet.... I don't care if someone is stuck, and can't seem to move forward , or let go of shame or learn how to unlearn it... we are strong.... and we have room in our lives for each other..... so ya, it's a bitch... but some of the time it's not a stronger bitch than I am !!!
Freedom.... ya !!!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm learning about myself, too. I've never known who is buried under all of those layers of hurt. So far, I'm liking the person who is emerging. :)

Yup, it's a gift.

 

[Deleted member 32731]

This brought me to tears.
It's beautiful how you can see the good in it, the reasoning even though it's so miserable.
This amazes me, actually.
Even though you've had to go through some pretty hard stuff, you realized that at the end, you're burden-free.
I seriously cannot express how much this amazes me. Can't say it enough.
I wish you luck, with your mindset, you'll be free, and getting to live out your true self.
This is seriously beautiful. :hug: