A Great Day! Now I Am Afraid Of The Abuse That May Come.

[AngelaMarie]

This last week I finally decided to end a marriage that has been very abusive for me. However, we are still in the same house because of finances. Everything has been going well this week. He is upstairs, I am down. We share the kitchen, but other than that we stay seperate. I take care of me and the children, the house, shopping and he does only for himself.

Well, today I got up and cleaned the house, did the shopping, and cooked. I cooked for him too because it was the nice thing to do. Then I was invited to go to friends of mine who live next door. The sun was shining, so we sat in the backyard and laughed and talked. We just had a good time. Then she cooked for me too, which was very nice. I was there for over 6 hours.

I walk in the house and I am shaking and afraid of what is going to happen. For the entire time I was married (almost 14 years) it was an unspoken rule that I was not allowed to be with friends or have fun. If I did when I came home he would be angry, he would be passive aggressive, I would be threatened by him that he was going to leave and me and the boys would have no income. He was so bad sometimes that I would start shaking when I heard his footsteps or knew he was coming home. So, I have basically been isolated since we got married. A lot of the time I wouldn't leave my room because I knew if I did he was going to attack. It was easy for him to do this because I was in a foreign country, didn't know the language, and had no close friends.

Now things are different. I am making friends, I am on the forum, I am becoming strong and leaving the house and building a life again. Even though he says he agrees with me I feel the anger coming from him. I am sitting here waiting for the steps to come down the stairs, for him to start banging things around or for him to come in and start a fight. I would say I am over-reacting, but is it over-reacting if it has always happened every time before?

My neighbors actually said to me tonight that for months they wouldn't see me. They were worried because if something happened they wouldn't have even known. How pathetic is that? I just couldn't take the daily abuse. So, I would isolate for long periods of time and hide. I do not and will not live like that anymore. I want a life!

I think I am posting this because I just want to share my feelings and acknowledge why I am having a hard time right now. I want to know I am not going crazy. Does that make sense?

 

[NIKI]

So glad you are standing up for yourself and saying, "No More". Although living in the same household must be very hard. Maybe until you can get a divorce, you could file for a legal seperation so that he knows you are serious. That he has no control anymore over your life. You are free to live your life the way you want to.

 

[James B.]

I agree with NIKI. Having a hard time is sometimes unavoidable - you're doing the right thing giving it air-time here, and seeking support. IMHO and FWIW you might be blown away how much better you feel when you get away from the current stressor(s) and into a healthy (and much more supportive/tranquil) environment. Best of luck with everything.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I've already started making plans for tomorrow. BBQ with my friends!!!:)
Still concerned, but have to move forward.
Thanks for the comments and support.

 

[Mercy]

Wow, I am amazed you can take such positive big strides towards building the life you want and deserve. To be in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time can ruin a persons ability to make choices for themselves. Yet, wow. Look at you.

I needed some encouragement today. You have given me a nice plate full. Thank you.

 

[AngelaMarie]

(((Mercy)))
I am starting to feel happy again. I had another neighbor friend contact me tonight and tell me how seeing me get better is making her so happy. I am feeling so positive for the first time in years. It's like chains have been lifted. I know things will be hard sometimes, but at least I have started!!!:):p

 

[jasmin]

((((AngelaMarie))) So happy for you. YAY for LIFE!

 

[Srain]

((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))

You don't have to live your life in fear. It's good to have friends call and checking up on you, maybe stopping over just to check up might be powerful as well, a knock on the door to remind him it's your house too. Things out of the ordinary so he is sure things are never going to be EVER the way the were.

I think it's powerful that you are feeling your strength return and are taking good care of yourself. It's your home too so entertaining in your home should not be out of the question, no reason he shouldn't have to find some place else to go if need be later on if you begin to feel up to it.

AS always, I think you are very smart to watch him like a snake in the room, that kind of abusive person doesn't change.

So very proud of you!!!

Rain