A Joke

[Deleted member 20280]

Two Rabbit's are in a research Facility when one day they decide to attempt a daring escape....

They finally pluck up the courage and break free from their shackles and race headlong into the next field,

This field is full of as much food they could ever wish for in life, it is also full of some rather cute little bunny's.

Roger turns to Clive and state's,

"Mate, I think we have died and woken up in heaven".

" As much Bunny_Butt as we can shag and as much food to fill our belly's with for a lifetime."

"Mate" Say's Clive I hate to do this to you old friend but I have to return Immediatelly to the facility, I will not be returning !!"

"But WHY! Exclaims Roger ??"

Quite simply mate, I need a Cigarette bro !! "

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Well I need to lift my own spirits so here goes,
yet another of Mr Laurie's bad jokes for sharing....
....

A man meets a rather attractive young lady at the bar and they hit it off straight away,

She tells him he can take her back to her hotel room and make love to her if he wants to.

So he takes her up on the offer and they depart the Hotel bar and head off to bed.

She informs him that she is still a virgin and no man has ever entered her and that if he wants to enjoy the rest of the evening he must only use his big toe. He thinks this is rather odd but agrees anyway.

They make love and the man enjoys himself immensely. They then depart each others company and the man leaves, returning to the bar to await his new found love, but she never appears.

The following day he has to attend the doctors as his big toe has developed an itch and he can't fathom what could be wrong with it.

The doctor examines the man's toe and informs him that he has one of the oddest conditions the doctor has ever seen "Gonorrhea of the Big Toe!!"

The man is taken aback by this until the doctor informs him that this is the 2nd oddest condition he has seen today. The man asks the doctor what the top odd condition was to whit the Doctor replies rather candidly !

" I have just seen a woman who has Athletes Vagina !!!!!!

 

[ShodokanJenn]

Bad it may be, but it made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Tarzan is swinging through the jungle when he hears a woman screaming
he swings down into the jungle and sees a gorilla beating a woman.

He swings down and deals with the gorilla and saves the womans life.

She identifies herself as the sole survivor from a plane crash and her name is Jane.

She thanks Tarzan for saving her life and offers to have sex with him to say thank you.

Tarzan looks bemused at this and asks the woman what she means, to whit she replies

"you know **sex**", surely you have sex Tarzan,

Tarzan is confused so Jane shows him her Vagina and says, you know you put your penis in my hole and we girate until we are satisfied, how do you normally have sex Tarzan ??

Tarzan takes Jane bu the hand and leads her to a tree with a smooth hole at just the right height for him to enter the hole with his Penis,


Jane looks at Tarzan and tells him, "that as maybe Tarzan but I am a real Woman wouldn't you like to have sex with me instead of with that tree ??"

Tarzan agrees to her advances and Jane lays down on her back on the jungle floor awaiting the copulation's !!

Tarzan swiftly and very deftly kicks Jane straight in the groin and she screams out in a shrill shriek "TARZAN" "Why did you just kick me in the Vagina ???? "

Tarzan replies to Jane "Well my dear, whenever I have sex with the tree, I have to kick it so make sure there are no Squirrels in there !!!"

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Those jokes... Madness :P

Here is a lame pun-set about tosters

Imagine if toasters were used like defibrilators! :P

Every morning the others in the house would be annoyed by someone running into the kitchen and yelling: "WE ARE LOSING THEM!" and making BEEP sounds with their mouth :P

"You ain't dying on me today!!! NURSE, we need 12 cc's of Cream Cheese, stat!"

"IF WE DON'T RESTART HIS HEART; HE'S TOAST!!!"

"JESUS CRUST, WE ARE LOSING HIM"

"JAM IT!"

And then, when there is no more breadh to feel "He's bread"

Logs saying "Time of deliciousness, 7:04 AM"

From the hallway, tears, and a soft voice saying "Daddy's in a butter place now, kids"

 

[Deleted member 20280]

A new Irish Cafe has opened on Skillin road County Durham, Paddy O-Reillys.

On the menu they list the house speciality as "Tasty Poi!"

Murphy and his wife decide to go to Paddy's Cafe for lunch one day and enquire about the Poi!

Paddy himself comes out to serve Murphy and his wife.

"Now then moi good man, what koind of Poi would yous be thinking of having today....... would that be "Steak and Kidney Poi!, followed by some Mince Poi or Apple and blackberry Poi ???

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Little Billy is busting to use the toilet when he shots out to his father,

"Daddy, Daddy I need to PISS!"

"BILLY !!, reprimands his father, please I have told you a dozen times before now, we do NOT say PISS we say Whisper"

"Ok Daddy I need to whisper".

Billy is visiting his grandma one day when he feels the urge coming on........

He exclaims to his grandma "Dear Grandma I need to Whisper!"

"Come over here then Billy she says, whisper in my ear dear!!"

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Hahahaha :P
The whispering in ear :)