I am 61 an adult survivor of childhood sexual assault at 10 which has created numerous issues which you can read about here. After 4 years of putting my demons back in their box the lid is now open :-(
I have been having issues for about 6 months or more and am hoping to start with a new T in October. Bottom line, I have lost all joy and interest in anything. I find that while I have always been considered an upbeat positive person I am now 100% negative on everything. I am trapped in a joyless and negative world without the ability to communicate, even with my wife whom I love dearly.
There is nothing I look forward to or enjoy participating in. I feel like I am basically just existing. I am sure Covid is not helping but my issues preceded the pandemic. I need to find joy again but I suspect that is going to require a very rough journey through my guilt and depression caused by my abuse 50 years ago that is leaking out and poisoning everything.
I am not suicidal because my overriding self preservation drive protects me, as it did 50 years ago but if not for that I probably would be.
I have been having issues for about 6 months or more and am hoping to start with a new T in October. Bottom line, I have lost all joy and interest in anything. I find that while I have always been considered an upbeat positive person I am now 100% negative on everything. I am trapped in a joyless and negative world without the ability to communicate, even with my wife whom I love dearly.
There is nothing I look forward to or enjoy participating in. I feel like I am basically just existing. I am sure Covid is not helping but my issues preceded the pandemic. I need to find joy again but I suspect that is going to require a very rough journey through my guilt and depression caused by my abuse 50 years ago that is leaking out and poisoning everything.
I am not suicidal because my overriding self preservation drive protects me, as it did 50 years ago but if not for that I probably would be.