A Long Time In Therapy And Not Even Scratching The Surface

[Tinyflame]

Editted to quickly add, -come to think of it 2(?) or 3 years ago I had 2 seperate instances of dealing with gossips that knew (innacurately) 'some' of my past (had kept a painting from school I had done during the ptsd start/ post, wanted to 'return it' (it is hanging in their very wealthy son's/ d-i-l's house :( :eek: ) ), all of this woud have involved my employer, .an innaccurate gossiping woman with a big mouth, my bosses & coworkers & other clients. My livelihood. :eek: :eek: :eek: :wtf::nailbiting::dead: (O.M.G). :cry:

I was told, "that was 30 years ago/ who ARE these people nyway/ they don't care about you, what do you care? / tell them to get a life!/ minimize their importance made out of it/ ignore them/ protect (my) heart". Which made me able to not be terrified. So I suppose it was good I disclosed (that). It came up from them (again) a couple of months go, & I felt way stronger (knew what to do/ think of it this time.) I know I sound like an idiot, I just don't 'think to think' of such thoughts of/ responses to, others. :(

 

[Mach123]

I've been to a state therapist (one of the best BTW in a little community service crisis center type place) the Trauma Center at JRI which is like the premier place in the country (according to them anyway and I don't mind saying it was not a good experience. In home therapy from a pair of family stabilization women from the state whom were among the best and pointed me in the right direction. I sat across from a PHD in the little office (shed) he had built outside his house (I really liked him but he was afraid of his wife and that turned me off lol) I had a kid, literally old enough to be my daughter, who spent a few years trying to find me in the diagnostic manual, and now I have a woman who specializes in men who survive sexual abuse. (why would anyone want to do this I don't know)

I felt like I was getting nowhere for years and I have had mountain top experiences. It'll never happen fast enough for me or be good enough but I'm sitting here and I'm not hyper vigilant and I'm not depressed and I know (enough to make a difference) what is going on with me. I will still have to deal with those feelings but never (I hope) at the level I had to deal with them in the past. I always believed in therapy/psychology and I still do but finding the right person is really really hard you just have to keep going.

 

[Hope1969]

Is there something/ topic you want to tell your T and you don't?

Or do you feel that there is something you feel wants to come up?

How would it feel when it will be it? What do you imagine it will look like?

In my T after 10 months I felt the same as you. Felt that we were just chatting and not going deep. I wanted to go deeper but I didn't now how. And then the Abuse came up under the surface. And I had no choise but to start speaking and open my heart and soul.
Give yourself time. Be patiente and tell your T about it.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Chiming in here - I have a question - How would you respond to a therapist who is client centered who expected you to lead the sessions instead of being peppered with questions? I'm asking because I've seen a few T's, but the last one was of a mind that I was to be my own T, so she wanted me to lead and bring forth, etc... with no prompting from her and little response, really. I felt we were getting no where as well and I was very frustrated. I'm still not sure how I feel about the work we did, but I did start talking and we never really got past day-to-day topics with a few asides about past incidents that were connected in a way. Maybe we were building trust? Heck, IDK, but when I think back on it, it was just having someone there to listen to me prattle on about my daily life stressors for a year. I don't have insurance now, nor a job so I can't go to T right now, but if I could, I don't think I'd go back to there. I would like some prompting. I can't stand sitting in silence, it makes me want to run from the room! Maybe a T who is provides a little structure, but definitely not an interrogation. My healing is my responsibility and I need to feel empowered so as to be able to speak up and provide direction of my own as well. Just a thought. Maybe you need a T with a different style? Hope it all works out for you. VB

 

[Kathy Miller]

So i have been in therapy for about 10/11 months and i feel like i am just not opening up. I have thoug...

This is completely myself,it's been one long road but I wouldn't stop unfolding the layers of pain,fear, abandonment,total shutdowns that my life held. I dissociate all thru in and out of every day. Now knowing I have been doing this to get thru most of my life.I have gone out of therapy 2 times. Got so backwards so quickly. I have times, a subject gets started, I don't know it's bringing up a crippling event,I get mind and body paralyzed .Fear takes me somewhere safe.But I am so wanting to do what it takes, reliving it totally before that can be and stay in the past.I will stay in therapy for as long as it takes.Complex ptsd is wicked.Learning all the many autoimmune diseases I have came from this lonely life crud,pushes me into my dr.3 times a week. If a person pushes you too hard, nothing will be helpful. If you are going to other places in your head, sometimes not even knowing you are,it's a real showing that you are getting some where.My biggest true words to another on this road,don't pretend your ok in your self. Try to trust that if you even write down, feelings, what you reacted to outside of therapy, just hand the papers to the Dr. Don't have them ready out but do it as you can, you will Bust out of your own "cell",&let it come,even in peices.Allowing myself to greive,in anyway I need was a huge step forward. I never thought I would write publicly about this life consuming "sercret",but as with my Lupus and the other diseases, I feel drawn to at least put my life out there,for many are trying to find a reason to be alive another day.Just 1 word may be as they have or see it and hope is also put in our brains that welcome it and wants red of the horrid memories that we

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I've been in therapy 8 years and it took me an entire year to tell my therapist why I was really there. Though I know that he knew there was more than just complaining about my crazy family but it had been "the secert" for so long and the terror of them coming after me was still so real to me, I just couldn't

Long story is I went onto an "ask Dr Drew" chat (we were typing, he was on video answering) and I asked him how to open up to my therapist (about my specific trauma, advising of it) and he gave me the words and the courage. I only said 1 sentence to my therapist but that 1 sentence was enough at the time.

It then took me another entire year to tell him everything.

10/11 months seems like a lot but it isnt.

When I want/need to tell my therapist something but cant seem to, i tell him that i need to tell him something but cant. And then he carves a safe path for me to tell him. So saying that might help.

There is a lot of behaviors and non-verbal communications that happens that you have no control over so the therapist may already have an idea of what it is so they may make it easier for you if you advise you need to tell them something but cant seem to.

There is nothing wrong with having trouble telling your therapist something. Its hard to admit you had trauma (what the trauma is), and talk about it. Natural even as with it there's a ton of shame associated with it.

I wouldnt even say that you can control that 100% of the time. I think shame, fear, lacking of trust can make it super hard to talk about it.

I completely understand and would say to keep up with therapy. Dont give into it not feeling like you are making process as it can take longer to make progress. :hug: