A Question For All Who Have Abuse Induced Ptsd

[digger]

Forget what the world tells you that you can not do, numbers can be played upon: just do it.

It's not because anyone told me I couldn't do it. In fact my parents expected me to achieve just as much as anyone else did. Nor is it as simple as 'just do it'. The facts are that I'm in my early forties and have so far failed to complete any of the college courses I've tried and can't hold down a job for a long enough time to progress through it. I have tried many different academic routes and employment, including being self employed. I don't have the focus or motivation to stick any of it out.

 

[digger]

I read something recently that actually made me feel slightly better about the whole under-achiever thing.

It is from here Link Removed (I'm not a fan of the aura/spiritual stuff that he talks about too, but I find his basic explanations of things quite easy/helpful to read)

"People with dissociative disorders are more likely to succeed in professions where they can operate from their intellect. But they are usually not the most highly functioning people. They often fail to mature in the ways that enable them to cope with the stress and frustrations of life. And as a result they may lack the stability that would enable them to be consistent with any endeavor."

"People with dissociative disorders often lack the rooted presence and power to actualize themselves and make things happen in the world. And many struggle in life and find themselves stuck in menial and dead end jobs."

Just in case anyone else is now also feeling bad for not being more successful than their abusers ;)

 

[Recovery4Me]

Thank you @digger ... that was thoughtful, honestly.:hug:

more successful than their abusers

That is why, I am trying to nudge 'successful' thoughts in a larger spectrum than just education.

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

Nope. My abuser (uncle) is a teacher (and I unfortunately had him as my teacher too for 4 years) he has a degree in physical education. So far I have completed 2/3 of my degree and when I am done id say we would be at the same educational level. Ill see where this take me later. Who knows, perhaps in the future ill have a higher education than he does.

 

[rightkindofme]

Well, I'm also the only one of my siblings to not be married and divorced by 21. I'm the only one who waited until I was stable and married to have kids. I'm the only one who doesn't hit my kids and who hasn't sexually assaulted them.

I think I'm more successful than them across the board.

 

[NovemberStar]

My main abuser was my mother. She was a middle class housewife, addicted to codeine, a mother of two daughters who cooked, baked, sewed, knitted. She has left school, got a job in the post office, met my father, married and had children. She died aged 35 from alcoholism.

I unconsciously used her life path s a guide of what NOT to do. I stopped drinking 15 years ago. I never had children. I won't ever marry. I went to university, graduated with a BA, went onto another academic facility and graduated with another degree in my chosen career field as a medical professional. I bought my own house and I made it past my 36th birthday.

Overall I think I did 'well' but in the past nearly 4 years I have nearly lost everything I fought so damn hard for to achieve since relapsing into another PTSD bout - after years and years without it in my life at all. Close to losing my job (forced off sick for 3 months with devastating financial and professional consequences) and close to losing my house. The threat of losing both still hangs over me. I'm merely one more breakdown away from losing it all.

That I have managed to 'achieve' things I never ever thought possible only serves to leave me more depressed - if I managed to 'achieve' these things despite my childhood - what might I have managed to 'achieve' had I been born into a healthy family? I see it like this - I was born untainted. Maybe I could have been anything or done anything. But they damaged me. From day one, any potential I had was taken from me. I'm not living the life I could have had - if only.

 

[NovemberStar]

Ps) I just wanted to say - if you were abused as a child and you didn't grow up to abuse other people then you ARE very successful.

To break the cycle of abuse and neglect is something that is so incredibly powerful and cannot be measured in ways we mere humans usually measure 'success'.

 

[Notsowild]

Sorry @RussH ... I hate this thread. Yes I could have did so much more with my life if I was not abused my whole childhood. I always did well in school. But in the last few years my grades fell badly. I couldn't sleep and all day long all I could think about was how to get out of this horror. Now I am called the working poor with a menial job.
And yes my father was a successful business man very well liked by all this employees. End of story

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Both my parents have college degrees with my father having a PhD. But I think I may be better off then them when they were my age and even now. I see myself with a brighter future. My mother wasn't a abuser but she wasn't always there for me either and actually becasue I have a spouse I am more financial stable and I am more independent then she is. And I never had children for the wrong reasons.

Myself...I am struggling to stay in college becasue of mental health but at least I am have a stable home now.

All my other abusers...yes. I broke the cycle and I know at least one of them didn't.

I like to think that beyond the success and education that maybe what I have more of is values and morals.

 

[BlueOrange]

My father played an important behind-the-scenes role in bringing the Cold War to a peaceful conclusion. I keep trying to outperform him, but it's a tall order. He's been an important direct influence on three prime ministers, and his economic impact can be measured in billions. He has a higher degree than me, too. (Paradoxical how he achieved so much public good at horrific private cost.)

My ex-wife finally finished her degree some time after leaving me, and works in an obscure job making reasonable money. I've got her completely beaten.

Not that I should be thinking of it as a competition, but still - it's nice to feel like I'm competing successfully ;)

 

[Sing2me]

Depends on how you look at it I suppose. I'm somewhat intelligent and score fairly high academically. It's too early to know how much further ahead I'll become than my abusers, but it has helped me in other ways.

I get along with nature and understand it better than anyone else I know. I'm artistic in several areas. I'm able to empathize as well as sympathize, I've become pretty street smart in order to survive and read others pretty well.

I'm stubborn as they come, and having already faced the worst, I am able to dive in aware it'll hurt and am ready for it. It's made me kinder and compassionate.

The nightmare of PTSD is not without it's gifts and I don't believe I would give the nightmare up if it meant losing what I've learned, and the appreciation of beauty it has given me.

 

[BlueOrange]

I failed to address the real point, were they threatened?

In my case, yes. My father saw his weaknesses in me, and couldn't tolerate them. My ex-wife saw that I might stop supporting her, and stopped at nothing to prevent me from leaving. Eventually, she left me.