A Question For All Who Have Abuse Induced Ptsd

[bell]

My earlier frustration was based on the fact the some people (and there are more than one) are acting like their lives are over. That there is no chance of being a "success." To me, that is a sure fire way to ensure you never have success, to admit you have been beaten.

Success lies in continuing to get up and fight. Once you stop doing that, they win. And "getting up and fighting" means different things to different people, depending on where they are on their path. As long as you continue to get up (or at least dare to see that things could be better), you are winning.

 

[Nyssa]

Re-reading this thread, I realize that I don't measure up to my abusers.

I just don't care enough for them to consider their various achievements, or wonder how good or bad their life is.

I'm trying to heal and grow as much as I can. I struggle to enjoy life as much as possible. It's about me, not them.

Some of us find comfort in the idea of being more successful than our abusers -- whatever success encompasses in our minds. From what I understand, it's not so much the comparison between one's success and his/her abuser's that is helpful, but the various underlying thoughts we put behind it. Like "They didn't break me", or "They wanted to destroy me and they failed", "I'm proving them wrong", "My abuser was in fact jealous of my light/intelligence etc.", "I take pride in my accomplishments", "I broke the cycle of violence".

Such thoughts can bring confidence, pride, courage, hope, some sense of consolation or justice. And that's good. Anything that helps is worthy to be held on to, as long as needed. But what helps one person won't necessarily help everyone.

For some of us, evaluating our success resonates with our low self esteem issues. And the idea of comparing our achievements with the ones of our abusers reminds us of what we couldn't achieve because of the abuse. Obviously, there is no comfort in that. And I don't think being reminded of one's achievements will ever make up for what was lost, what couldn't and can't be achieved because of the abuse. Losses need to be mourned.

@RussH,

I think it's generous of you to share what helps you. Your thoughts on success do bring comfort and reassurance to some people in this thread. So it's worth it.

But I don't think you can convince those who find no comfort in it to feel the way you do. They/we just don't. And that's ok. It doesn't mean you shouldn't have shared your thoughts, nor that you're wrong to benefit from them. It just means that we are all different. Different stories, issues, losses, frustrations, needs, hopes, world views, stages of recovery, etc.

 

[Evian Morris]

Great question. yes I believe that yes I have PTSD after the abuse suffered as a result of misdiagnosis from Psych dr's that have forcibly prescribed me with some of the most debilitating drugs on the planet that have caused me to experience very unwanted adverse effects like suiciadal thoughts & actions & violent aggressive thoughts & actions from out of nowhere & very uncharacteristic for me.Last year I was given Invega Sustenna 220mg injection,apart from hating needles,my symptoms from this drug started out as involuntary muscle movements,eyelid twitching,kneck & hip movements,to severe Akathisia in which became so bad that I was admitted into a Mental Health Unit,once there I had terrible violent thoughts from just a week from being on this drug,while in there I raised my arm to a nurse after she wouldn't let me do some art work at 5:20am in the morning after I had woken up from night terrors from this drug & had had plenty of sleep,when I raised my arm to her as she told me to go back to sleep,I said 'no,I have had enough',she then called security,who arrived shortly after,I am only at that time just under 50kg in weight,four large burley security guys grab me & drag me into the seclusion room within the High Dependency Unit (HDU),a nurse & four security guards hold me face down on a cold floor,forcibly strip me bare,cut my bra & knickers off,the Dr removes my jewellery including my diamond stud earings & wedding ring (not sure how they posed a threat),then injects me with some drug I still have no idea what it was,I am then left lying on the ground in a cold room fully naked,no clothes,no blanket,no shoes,no food,no water,no toilet break (had to pee on the floor) as I called out for over 3 hours to no avail only to be seen through a small glass window in the door by a smiling nurse that did nothing,left cold,scared,intimidated & humiliated for 9 hours until they finally let me out just after 3:00pm that afternoon. All for what,I had a bad reaction to their toxic drugs.The next day I blacked out in the ward & all the nurse did was just say 'what are you doing,get up & go to bed',no 'oh shit!! she has blacked out,better help her' at all.When my husband rang not long after they let me out from my horrific ordeal the day before,the Dr. told him they had only had me in HDU seclusion for a few hours,meaning 2 or 3 hrs all up,not the truth of over 9 hours,told him nothing of what I had gone through,just lied to him.Anyway finally after a month of incarceration of no fault of my own,they let me out to return home.My husband took me to a private psych Dr. who within 5-10 minutes of meeting me,said,'well,I can see that you are not coping very well on your current medication at all are you?',he then from that day on,started gradually reducing the offending meds the public system had me on & replaced it with low dose Lithium Carbonate 250mg & soon my life started to regain normality again.I now need to see a psychologist to help me get over the torture I endured whilst in the MHU that I was in for which the Dr's kept misdiagnosing my Akathisia from their toxic meds as a 'mental illness',I knew it was from the meds,but the Dr's kept repeating that I was having a 'relapse',it was no relapse whatsoever,it was a direct result from taking medications that my body cannot metabolise,as I have had a Buccul Swab test or DNA blood test in which shows that I cannot metabolise nearly 80-90% of their medications,I have even tried showing the psych Dr's the results only to be told,'we don't need those,we know what you have'.So now I am slowly recovering,my husband & I are now in the process of taking the Hospital & staff to court for medical-negligence for what they did to me last year that now I continue to have nightmares & flashbacks over.My trust for Mental Health Dr's especially from the public system have now been shot to peices.:spitdummy:Thankyou.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Evian Morris lock downs and rough ups in isolation stripped bare and left to urinate on the floor...happens more than one ever wants to think. It happens to diabetics who need their dose (friend of mine), it happens to rape victims that just went berserk when more men come in the dark (even if they are police) -me. I am just trying to share it happens to others and you are not alone in this.

I took on three male cops and knocked them all over the place...had the female officer not turned on the light...and been female...I may have been shot. I spent a similar evening in the box naked over 30 some years ago, so I feel you. As I know after being raped...I was unglued and perhaps crazed...I did not press charges against the police, as it would not bring back my dignity. But I totally get why one would want to. (The police as well agreed to drop the charges for tearing them up.):ninja:

Welcome to the site. Glad you are here to heal, share and be among others who can walk with you during this season.:hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[rightkindofme]

Woof. That's intense. I'm glad you found your way here. It's ok to talk about these things here. Many of us can understand.