A reaction to the death of an assailant.

[HannaD]

One of my assailants died several years ago. At first, I didn't even register it. In therapy I realized that it made me happy. I was ashamed that I could feel this way. Another tried to relate by reminding me they could never hurt another person again and that was why I was happy. While they had a good point, I felt it was more selfish than that. After therapy it became another part of me that I learned to live with. That part of me that is happy they're gone from my world. Sometimes it makes me sad because, I feel I lost something. I still love life and will nurture for that brings me great joy. But, that change is still there. Perhaps, in some way it made me stronger. Thanks for letting me share.

 

[Whirlwind]

I have/had varied emotions when learning my abusers died and I hadn't seen them at the time for over 20yrs. I was taken aback by some of my emotions, and the lack of in some areas.

Your post reminded me of something my therapist said back then, not to "assign a judgement" to my emotions. Emotions just are...some may even be very old, some current etc.

I had a ton of unexpected conflicting emotions and realizations due to them being gone. Really gone. It is a big deal.

Thanks for sharing,

Whirlwind

 

[katz]

I'm glad that I found this discussion. My mother passed just last year. This will be the first Christmas without her. My father is still alive. He is 93 and very sharp.

Over the years, I have been watching my "people" die off. My grandfather was gone before I started remembering. And as I said, my father is still doing fine. However, I still have at least 5 or more "people" to deal with. I know that this may sound weird, but all I could do is to convince myself that they are all dead by now. There is no way to ever know who they are. I try so hard to believe myself, so that I am not scared of every stranger I meet. I don't know if this insecurity will ever go away...

 

[MrMoonlight]

My arsonist died many years ago. He wasn't a family member, my relationship with him was different. He was more an authority /teacher to me with some interaction outside those activities. I was sure not to punish hie kids whom I saw all the time after the fire. I could have really taken shit out on them. I remember thinking they lost a father after the trial and eventual imprisonment.

He died and I could give a spit about him. Let him rot with the worms. Nothing redeemable about him, someone who could do what he did. I don't feel bad about it.

The fact that I'm giving him thought right now doesn't sit well with me. He did what he did and there is nothing to forgive.

 

[Mee]

I learned only this year in agoogle search prompted by a question in therapy my first abuser died sometime ago. I feel nothing about it. He was the only one I know saw any punishment for his actions. It was all so long ago and HIS actions didn’t cause my PTSD much as they were part of a chain of events that formed my character and reaction.

I don’t think it’s selfish to feel ‘relief’ someone that harmed you is dead. We don’t cry that much in movies when the ‘baddie’ dies and while in non fiction life and people are more complicated to us our abusers are danger. The world IS safer to your mind. I didn’t feel happy, sad or anything to learn about my guy. Just ‘oh, right’. I don’t expect I will hear ever about the person who caused my ptsd- but I expect I would feel - ‘complicated’

 

[Freida]

I would dance on their graves in joy and then dig them up and scatter their bones in as many garbage dumps as I could find.

Huh. Guess I can find anger once in a while. T will be thrilled :rolleyes: