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A sexual partner is a temporary person in my life

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I think I found this cognitive distortion in myself. I have worked hard to rewire my brain and define the boundary between a friend and a sexual partner.

And I have come to a place where my mind says... a friend is usually long term... and a sexual partner is usually short-term...

It sort of feels like a cognitive distortion... except when I word it that way it doesn’t feel so black and white... it feels like a guideline... and it feels helpful too because before... before I became self-aware... anyone I had sex with I felt a sense of loyalty and commitment toward.. undue as they hadn’t earned it... and now I am trying to gain back my power as an individual and as a sexual adult who seeks that connection with others... but it has to be in a way different from ever before... hence the new “rule”—or new thought, it doesn’t have to be a rule, so maybe it’s not a distortion... but rather... a proposal, a question, what would it be like if that were my value?

I can hear some pretty negative words pop up... cheap... loose... easy... and those are distortions for sure... not true, not true... so... this post is about cognitive distortions being transformed through curiosity into questions...

I think I’m looking for sounding boards, responses from people who recognize similar thoughts or feelings in their own sexual healing and recovery...

I know it’s not logically true that all sexual partners are temporary, but that feels the safest to me, to promise myself they will go away. I see this as a kind of safety switch, falsely promising to protect my emotions from attachment wounds.

Maybe there’s another way... to promise myself that I can hold myself no matter what... even if a sexual partner wants to hang around... to promise myself that I can protect both my heart and my space at any moment. Hmmm....

I guess that all depends upon how sex is interpreted in your own value system. What do you see as the ideal expectations of a relationship? How does sex play a role in communication? Friendship? Your Control/their control? Are their expectations to provide sex to your partner? Do you want to engage in a sexual relationship? How does your value system weigh in w the choices you have made? Good luck!
 
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