A Slump In The Anxiety

[surviving_it_all]

I haven't been posting for a very long time because... it was getting better. The number of my anxiety moments have increased. The duration of the anxiety is about the same, but I get these moments where everything in me tells me to run. These moments when I feel the same way I did when the trauma happened. The same way I felt years ago. Its depressing. It has me down. I feel like the biggest failure. I am trying.

I didn't feel safe in my house. I wanted to stay in my car the other day... for that I feel guilty. I don't like this feeling of avoidance that comes over me. I don't want to be this way. I feel like I am not even informed on what it is I have or don't have. The other day... I felt blurry. It seemed so odd. It seemed so wrong. It seemed like I was losing my mind to have everything be so blurry.

I tell my therapist and supposedly that's a sign of PTSD. I just don't want to have this. I don't want to be anxious. It sucks because although the length of the anxious moments have decreased from where I was even 6 months ago. I get anxious peaks where I just want to run. I want to go. I left school today early because I couldn't do it. I can't go through life avoiding stress. I can't be stuck in the past. I can't avoid anything that reminds me traumatic events. I CANT. I WONT.

I was getting better. Where am I now? How is this OK? I am so frustrated with myself. I don't want to be sad because my stomach constantly hurts. My hands constantly itch. My chest is constantly tight. Its been this way for a week. I got to shake it and I just need to reach out to anyone who hears me. Anyone who understands....this is frustrating beyond belief.

 

[safenow]

surviving_it_all, I want you to know that we all get it.

I want you to do something with me. I want you to answer some questions with me, okay?

Fill in the blanks:

Right now I am feeling _________________
(insert name of the current emotions, usually fear)

And I am sensing in my body ____________________
(describe your current bodily sensations – name at least three)

Because I am remembering _______________________
(name the trauma by title only – no details)

At the same time. I am looking around where I am right now in _______________
(the actual current year)

Here _______________
(name the place where you are)

And I can see ______________________
(describe some of the things that you see right now, in this place)

And so I know _____________________
(name the trauma, by title only, again)

Is not happening now/anymore.

When you are finished, i want you to take some good cleansing breathes, then get a drink of water. Okay?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Oh how I can relate to what you are going through. I hate and loathe anxiety. I am on effexor three times a day and it knocked down the daily anxiety and I am doing a whole lot better. Food for thought mabe you could benefit from some meds.

I really feel for you. I am sorry you are suffering so. Hugs. I hope you find something to help you soon.

 

[surviving_it_all]

I took meds for a while. The side effects were too great for me to handle. They outweighed their benefits to the anxiety. With the anxiety at least, I have moments where I feel normal. On meds, I felt lopsided all the time.

 

[safenow]

Here are some more things to do to bring self back into calmness when anxious:

1. Write down in a journal all of the things or people that could be stimulating your anxiety. You should also record any foods you eat that could be triggering the episodes. Eliminate that which is causing your symptoms.

2. Exercise more often. Simply go for a walk or a bike ride. This is beneficial in terms of both your physical health and your mental health.

3. Allow your mind to wander. Either meditate or just allow yourself to let you mind go where it wants to. This is just giving your mind a chance to relax.

4. Perform breathing exercises. Take deep, slow breaths. In through your nose, “calm”. Hold it 3 counts, then release it through your mouth, “release any anxiety.” Do this several times and it will calm you. Not fast, or you will hyperventilate.

5. Talk to someone. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, your pastor, or a professional. Just discussing your anxiety can help get rid of it. Coming here is a wonderful idea.

6. In your mind, make a list and go over it. The list does not have to be about anything in particular. Just the exercise in repeating the list in your mind is enough to get your thoughts away from anxiety-related issues.

One thing that I have done since coming here, was to write out memories that bothered me. Things I felt to nervous about to share with anyone. I was amazed how getting some positive feedback on them helped put them to rest. I really wish I had been able to do that sooner in my life. But hey, better late than never, you know what I mean?