Sufferer A Young Engineer And Traveller

[wanderer]

Quick summary for those who don't want to read the whole thing... my name is Melvin and I'm a burn survivor with 25% of my body that was exposed to flames at about 800•C / 1500•F. The accident occurred six months ago. I am still suffering from physical pain (scars, blisters, dry skin) and emotional distress (nightmares, loss of confidence, anger, depression).

Anyway, here I go...

I was sitting at my workstation, just past midnight, enjoying my lunch. I was working the graveyard shift for a mining project in Guatemala. As a chemical engineer who graduated just three years ago, my work revolves around the smelting furnace,which turns the slightly processed ores taken from the nearby mine into valuable metal.

I knew the project was going to end in another week or two, so I started planning a trip to Honduras and Costa Rica where I'll be scuba diving, photographing natural wonders as if I was a NatGeo photographer, and put my basic Spanish into practical use.

After I was finished with my lunch and daydreaming, I returned to the plant to continue my work. I sometimes look into the furnace, which is about 15 m (50 ft) in diameter, to make sure everything inside looks fine. One of those inspections took place early in the morning, and it happened to be my last.

Fire and hot dust blew out of the inspection port, which is basically a 20''x20'' opening, as I put my head close to it to get a better look inside the furnace. Because the area was rather confined, I was exposed to the flames for a good few seconds as my body immediately high-geared to survival mode. 25% of my body was burned, ranging from 2nd to 3rd degree. The affected areas include my entire back, the right side of my torso, my entire arm from wrist to elbow, my right cheek, and both ears.

After six months, I am still suffering from the pain, the scars, the blisters, and the nightmares. In just a few seconds, I lost all the confidence I had and my dignity as a human being. I can't go scuba diving any more. I can't go skiing any more. I don't want to see this girl I've been dating. I don't want to go out with friends. I just want to hide in my space, wishing I would escape from the hell that my life has become.

So here I am, trying to take back what was taken from me. I'm in rehab now, making use of a variety of exercises, medication, and other medical equipment to control my scars and pain. What my biggest challenge now is to be comfortable with and confident in my new appearance. I want to be able to go out with friends without being bothered by the unavoidable stares, and to be able to ask a girl out again without being afraid of how my appearance will affect her. Not trying to be cocky or shallow, but I lean towards the handsome side so having my appearance so drastically affected really shuts down my confidence.

So I now reach out to you, the community of my PTSD, and ask for your help to take back what I lost and become a stronger person.

 

[mrsps]

hiya, sorry to hear what you have been through. I can understand having your appearance changed would effect your confidence, but try not to worry about what others think. Just be yourself. If people want to judge others by what they look like then they are not worth our time of day. Stand strong and be proud of who you are not what you look like :)

 

[Little Flower]

Wanderer. I'm so sad to hear of ur accident. I'm glad u came here. It's a wonderful group of supportive people. Remember sweetie. All who wander are not lost. Saying beauty is on the inside may sound trite but it really is true. May u have the strength to endure and come out stronger on the other side.

 

[Ice_Fire]

It does not sound at all shallow to have your confidence knocked by the physical effects of the accident. That's entirely natural and understandable. However, the burns are not everything about you, far from it. The accident sounds horrific, I'm so sorry you suffered that and continue to suffer from your injuries. You've not lost your human dignity, as close to feeling like that are you are, please try to remember that it simply isn't true. You are still the bright young man with an engineering degree, you are still the photographer you have always been. No, you can't scuba dive and at the moment your body is still healing, but it will get there and hopefully you will be able to pursue sports that interest you again in the future. You are still the man whose friends like you because of you. You are still you.

Standard question for forum intros; are you in counselling, or will be soon? Your mind needs time and compassion to heal just as your body does.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

Sadly, when things like this happen you learn who really likes you for who you are rather than some superficial quality. Let's just say its no easier going in the opposite direction where you've been ugly your whole life and then grow into someone who isn't....lets just say I'm a bit jaded about the shallowness of society and it sucks not being able to accept that there are genuinely sincere people out there. Half the time I just want to go back to being a wall flower. Either way, its a learning lesson that you need to adjust to somehow.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Wanderer, Welcome to the forum. I can sympathize with the blow that your confidence has taken, and your urge to isolate.

There's an excellent community here 24/7, we each got here in our own ways, but once we are here, no one judges. Burns are absolute bastards (I grew up in a mining and metal smelting area, and dated specialist nurse for several years, who worked at the local burns and plastic surgery unit, i also "have the knack"). Let's see if we can help support you as you heal from the unseen injuries.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @wanderer. You aren't having a cocky or shallow response - you've been through a real life-changer, and I really feel for you. Glad you're here.

 

[ghotiff]

Welcome :)

A sinificant change in ones appearance must be very difficult to adjust to.

My humble opinion is that a good personality is far more attractive than good looks. I read a hiking autobiography once by a girl who (after coming back to the "real" world and mirrors) said that she was happier on the hiking trail where how attractive she felt was based on the happiness seen in the eyes of those she spent time with. I found that a really vauluable observation, I hope it helps you.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum and great job with your introduction, I know it wasn't easy to write.

There is great support and information here.

 

[wanderer]

Thank you all. Hopefully I have specific questions to ask later on. I am still trying to cope with and accept the fact that this had happened. I was at the top of the world, and the invisible giant man in the sky decided to throw this at me.

I often wonder why I deserved such a fate. I'm not religious so I understood it as me being in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, I just keep wanting to believe that there is a reason, and coming to terms with the fact that there really isn't one is really draining on my mind.

 

[intothelight]

@wanderer Welcome to the forum!

Your struggle with the pain and the scarring and its effect on your appearance, didn't sound shallow at all and just sounded honest and very human. I think it is also human nature to search for the "why" and when it isn't there then it is a struggle to wrap your head around it and try to put it in its proper place in the scheme of things. I don't know if one is available, but are there any support groups in your area?

I hope you find the information and support here helpful.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum @wanderer,

I am glad you found this site as everyone here is very supportive and it sounds like you could use a little of that right now. I know how easy it is to say it's not all about the looks, its about what's inside, but I understand too how shallow people are, which makes things very difficult

Take care