Wounded Scribe
Silver Member
@wanderer welcome to the forum. Not burned in a fire, your story of body image altered by trauma, resonated with me. Gun-shot survivor, 1/4 inch from my left heart wall. Bullet scar pulsates with the beat of my heart. To save my life, they laid me on my right side, cut me in half, so I was left with a thoracotomy scar from just under left nipple to my spine. I also, am blessed with the chest tube spear scars just above my waistline. What savages me about that scar, I remember the trauma team screaming, "HOLD HIM DOWN, THIS IS GOING TO HURT..." I was in/out of consciousness, but when those strong hands held me down and started that chest tube insertion, I found the strength, to fight back.
That morning of the shooting...I was vibrant, energetic, I would outwork 3 grown men (I was a teenager @ the time of the shooting, I am 45 today, and the scars remind me when they hurt, of the trauma). I could play football for 2 hours, lift weights for 2 hours, and go home and do farm work. My body looked like it had been hammered out of granite that day I woke up. When I left the hospital, I was covered in metal staples. I lost 20 pounds in a few days. I got a copy of a chest x-ray report from last fall, and in the comments it talks about the shrapnel and surgical clips that remain next to my spine and throughout my left chest wall. I was afraid to cough for months, out of fear my heart and lungs would spill out of that pink enormous scar. I couldn't feel my body anymore. I was hideous. People were afraid to talk to me. I had to lie about how I was shot.
Today, 28 years later. I still physically hurt. Motrin used to take the bite out of the pain, but no more. I'm on meds for the neuropathic pain. At times when the pain is bad enough, it will fire off a flashback.
I appreciate what you are going through, and I urge you throughout life, remain in groups like this. Get and remain in counseling. This is exhausting but with support, you will make it, because you survived the fire. You survived, we survived, what kills lesser men. The scars remind us we survived that which was meant to kill.
Welcome to the forum, I hope your time here is as informative as mine has been. I wish you nothing but the very best in life, on your road to recovery.
That morning of the shooting...I was vibrant, energetic, I would outwork 3 grown men (I was a teenager @ the time of the shooting, I am 45 today, and the scars remind me when they hurt, of the trauma). I could play football for 2 hours, lift weights for 2 hours, and go home and do farm work. My body looked like it had been hammered out of granite that day I woke up. When I left the hospital, I was covered in metal staples. I lost 20 pounds in a few days. I got a copy of a chest x-ray report from last fall, and in the comments it talks about the shrapnel and surgical clips that remain next to my spine and throughout my left chest wall. I was afraid to cough for months, out of fear my heart and lungs would spill out of that pink enormous scar. I couldn't feel my body anymore. I was hideous. People were afraid to talk to me. I had to lie about how I was shot.
Today, 28 years later. I still physically hurt. Motrin used to take the bite out of the pain, but no more. I'm on meds for the neuropathic pain. At times when the pain is bad enough, it will fire off a flashback.
I appreciate what you are going through, and I urge you throughout life, remain in groups like this. Get and remain in counseling. This is exhausting but with support, you will make it, because you survived the fire. You survived, we survived, what kills lesser men. The scars remind us we survived that which was meant to kill.
Welcome to the forum, I hope your time here is as informative as mine has been. I wish you nothing but the very best in life, on your road to recovery.
