Aack... What Do I Do?

[Friday]

How solid is this?

Meaning are they actually moving, which you know through a reputable source? I'm just thinking (also possibly hoping) that a) small towns & rumors very quickly equal someone coming home for the holidays, or after a breakup for a week of mom time or similar = moving back forever & b) if this person has a history of f*cking with you, making get worked up for weeks and months / however long they can spin it out, would be par for course.

If, so, when / how much lead time do you have to come up with a game plan?

 

[sun seeker]

Show him you know his truth.

I don't think that is going to work. The most likely response would be a heavy gaslighting campaign, i.e. "she's crazy, look how much I suffer putting up with her nonsense." People would very likely believe it.

Meaning are they actually moving, which you know through a reputable source?

Yes. No, this is not about someone coming home for the holidays. It is an actual planned move, and my source is reputable.

If, so, when / how much lead time do you have to come up with a game plan?

Anywhere from one to a few months.

It's only 8:15 p.m. here and I'm about ready to go to bed.

Thanks for all your support. Sleep well!

 

[sun seeker]

I'm not actually concerned for my safety. It's more the invasion of my space. If I don't interact with this person, people will definitely notice and I'm going to look phenomenally rude and they won't understand what my problem is. Word will spread like wildfire: "Oh, have you seen Sun Seeker, she won't talk to so-and-so, isn't it too bad, so-and-so is such a lovely person." Bleah.

 

[Friday]

Verified? Check.

Create an Action Plan. Or, rather, a series of them based on what you want to do, what you are willing to do, and what you are able to do. In the various amounts of time available to you.

 

[sun seeker]

1. Want to do: build a fence around the town, station guards at every entrance with instructions that this person is not allowed in. Magically change people's willingness to believe that the most extreme kinds of child abuse actually exist and that recovered memories can have accuracy, so they will believe I have a reason to keep this person away. Get everyone on my side saying "Hell no, this person isn't coming anywhere near here." Okay, that was "want to do."
2. Willing to do: talk with reputable source to see whether there are any other options this person would be willing to consider. Emphasize how much more attractive the other options are. Work a bunch more on standing my ground and identifying resources I didn't have decades ago.
3. Um.. I'm not sure.

 

[sun seeker]

And for the moment, curl up in my safe space and see if I can get some sleep. Thanks, guys. ;)

 

[Fadeaway]

Can you get a restraining order? An abuser going out of his way to move to a town where his victim lives? Almost sounds like stalking to me. If you get one ahead of time, he may change his mind. At the very least if people ask why you aren't talking to him, informing them that a judge awarded a restraining order against him on your behalf won't make him too many friends.

 

[sun seeker]

Can you get a restraining order?

Wish I could, but I have no evidence. This is all based on recovered memories. It would be my word against theirs.

 

[Fadeaway]

:( I'll keep trying to brainstorm.

 

[sun seeker]

And they have LOTS of friends. It seems like manipulative people like this usually do. So... do I try to explain to the friends what they most likely won't believe, or do I try to fade into the woodwork? Or move... not wild about that idea either.

trying to brainstorm

Thanks @Fadeaway.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Besides continuing to work on this in therapy

WOW!!! I don't know what to say except that you have a great ally in your therapist. Have you discussed this in session? Maybe you can get some practical tips and helps. Therapists often have connections and resources that we don't.

I can't imagine what you must be going through! That's exactly my worst nightmare. In fact I've had nightmares exactly about that.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I just found out that it is very likely that my main childhood abuser will be moving to my town in t...

Well, I used to think like that too: escape one predator, but then the next predator is always around the corner, even more vicious than the last. Meaning there will always be abusers and predators around. The world is full of them, but what I do in my case when I encounter abusers is to put up a shield in front of me: you know the picture of the three monkeys? See no evil, hear no evil......

I totally shield them off from my own pristine presence no matter what they do.