Abandonment And Fear

[Nevermore]

This hasn't happened for a while but I recently had all my abandonment issues triggered by my family and I feel like my mind shattered and is only just starting to regather itself.
The worst part is I'm not sure I was even abandoned, maybe more that they didn't understand the urgency of what was at hand.
I got angry at them, they left me alone even more. and then came the fear...
It's horrible. I stil feel horrible.
These feelings in me come from childhood, but they also got a whole lot worse

Oops I hadn't finished that..
They got a whole lot worse post trauma because I felt abandoned then big time. I couldn't connect with others and people in general did not understand what I was going through.
Some people just avoided me - I realise now they didn't know what to say or do. Some people felt sorry for me and the pity hurt me. Some gave advice that showed they had no clue and made me feel worse. Some judged me for the way I reacted. I think some judged me for the fact of it happening.
I wonder how many others here got hurt by the responses of people in their lives to their trauma?
It hurt me more than the actual trauma did. I felt so alone.
These days, 7 years later, I am trying to connect to people again but it's so hard. Trust is so hard!
I spoke to one of my brothers about my reaction and tried to understand.
I think he understood a bit and it helped. Think I need to do more of that.
How do you heal these feelings? I'm really interested too.
Logically I understand that no one intended to hurt me, but the hurt went so deep and obviously it's still in there
I rly want to learn to trust again.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I totally get how you're feeling. I had to *abandon* my family because of this. I couldn't feel safe around any of them because I knew it was just a matter of time (minutes, usually) before someone would say or do something to reinforce my fear.

Nothing like being surrounded by family to make you feel alone... :(

 

[Twilight]

This hasn't happened for a while but I recently had all my abandonment issues triggered by my family...

Yes, this is similar to the senario i am in. Sexual abuse in a marriage that just ended. Family of origin denies it happened. (They say i am a liar and "crazy", and they love my ex). So, dealing with the end of my marriage, the fallout of the abuse, and the abandonment by my family of origin. (The family of origin was abusive of me as a child, so no wonder they side with the abuser and discount me.) The abandonment by my family of origin now, TRIGGERED me big time to a time in childhood when i was abandoned emotionally, left to cry and deal with neglect as a toddler. This created a whole fear, trauma, emotional shock in me that i am just coming out of now. I was very fearful, even to the point i was paranoid. I still dont know how much of the fear was real (the abuser actually stalking, threatening me) and how much was me just being fearful. It was awful. And i am all alone in it, except for professionals, who understand......i do have to be very guarded in what i share with family, since they side with an active abuser against me....

 

[Bloomy]

Very old thread but yeah do I know abandonment fear. Something it seems I really would need to work on. Not sure how do since everyone seems to leave before I understand what happend and that I once again got hit by abandonment truck. Think also issue is how to connect with others as much as how do we get abandoned by others. Cause I certainly have no clue to what makes the bond between two people that doesnt make the other part at any point to just leave.