Abandonment......

[OKRADLAK]

Scenerio-

Child is threatened with abandonment when little. Parents lock child out of house for 6 hours when child is 6 to teach her a lesson. Child thinks she is never coming back. Wonders helplessly for hours, head caving in.

After it is over, the child is changed. One day, a few hours and everything is different.

Child changes, afterward. Parents and teacher notice this. No more love, no more feeling safe. Just one day.....

Child never tells anyone and thinks it made no difference in future development of PTSD. She never thinks it could cause psychological problems because the parents tell her it was not that serious. In T., it came out that it WAS SERIOUS. Neglect. Abandonment.

Grown up now the child is angry.

Could this cause issues of abandonment which could lead a person into vulnerability? And the domino effect could lead to lack of self protection and eventual scenerios leading to PTSD? She thought of it as pre-PTSD when T. said perhaps it is also a cause of PTSD before "the real" PTSD???

I am just curios what you all think of that situation? Therapy can be a powder keg.

 

[intothelight]

(((OkradlaK))),

Parents are not suppose to lock their children outside of the house. Send them to their room? Yes. Sit in a chair? Yes. Deny privileges? Yes. I cannot fathom locking a 6 year old outside, as at that age even playing alone outside is not an option. Children that age need adult supervision.

What your parents did was extreme. I am not a mental health professional, but I think your T made a really good point about this creating abandonment issues. If the people you trust most in the world deliberately leave you to fend for yourself, when you are at an age that this is not possible, how could it not hurt a child in some aspect?

I just remember how panicy my own children could get if they lost sight of me, or got lost even for a few minutes, when they were little. But I was always there to comfort and reassure them. I am sorry no one was there to do the same for you.

Deb

 

[shell]

I never really thought of it like that, and yet my parents did it all the time. One time when I was 5, they left my 7 year brother in charge of my twin brother and I on the beach while they went to pick up the keys for the holiday home they had rented in Rosebud, Victoria.
After an hour of waiting on the beach I needed to go the toilet and made the mistake of walking back to where I thought the entrance was. I ended up hopelessly lost, couldn't find my brothers or my parents and a nice old couple seeing me crying on the beach finally ended up taking me to the police station. When my parents finally turned up at the police station many hours later I was told off and punished for daring to leave my brother and go to the toilet.
I can't remember the amount of times I was locked out of the house after being beaten and made to stand in the rain, dark or sleep with the dog.

 

[Sammy]

Heck yes that would bring about abandonment issues! I also agree with your T. Parents do not lock children out of the house or leave them at a beach unsupervised!! Being watched by a 7 year old is not being supervised! And then yell at you? Thank heaven for some kindly adults!

I am so sorry this happened to you! (((hugs)))

 

[BigBear]

OkradlaK,

I think that your T isn't giving it enough credit. Look around the forum. I've seen situations that I would call far less severe that have been stated to be the initial cause of diagnosed PTSD. I wouldn't be surprised if you had real PTSD at that point. From there on, you would be just adding on layers to your PTSD.

I've heard of a lot of parents that I just want to strangle. No matter how many hugs I give your now it will never be enough. Just imagine an infinite line of Hugs!

8( Big Bear Hugs )8 [You turn the 8's sideways and they are infinity symbols.]

Bear

 

[Nighthawk]

Okradlak.
I am a firm believer that this is a major cause of abandoment issues and issues of trust and safty. The begining of PTSD or the onset is a very valid point. Gosh I am so sorry your parents did this.

NH

((((((((HUGS)))))))

 

[OKRADLAK]

Thank you guys for the hugs!! And (((((((SHELL)))))))) you went through a terrible thing!!!!

I never really looked into this before.........I have a temp T after the ER dr referred me, but she is not going to be long term, sadly, but she has opened a light.

And it is odd to me because my parents were never like that in any other way. Maybe they read one of those books in the 70s telling parents how to do things......tough love,all that crap.

At this point in my life, I have no room in my heart or mind to hate them or feel negative thoughts toward the very people who saved me when the "real" PTSD hit.

They have been amazing and sturdy and loving and for the life I me, I cannot understand.

I may talk to my mom at least, get her idea on how and why it happened. She is strong.She will not be offended because they are very supportive. I know therapy can sometimes do more harm than good and I do NOT want to ruin my family over something I never even realized could have caused long term consequences.

Maybe it is just harder to raise kids than we know and they were getting bad advice.

At any rate, I am glad to see that it may really help me to understand the way my psyche works and may address this privately when I get a permanent T.

Warm thoughts to each of you!!!

 

[BigBear]

Okradlak, I'm so sorry I said that! The horror stories around here are so dense that I guess that you just start to expect it. My wife's stories are also starting to color my judgment.

Maybe it is just harder to raise kids than we know and they were getting bad advice.

Yes, extremely. And do you know that when they manufactured the darned things they didn't even produce a users manual... Sometimes I start to hate myself for the way I treat mine.

I do hope that your T helps you explore it. It does deserve thorough exploration.

Bear