General About Me And My Problems Not His Ptsd

[Glara]

So I'm on here a lot talking about my sufferers ptsd issues but I really have no place to go to talk about my own. At work we have a program that offers assistance to employees but I'm not sure what it entails. I plan to look into it this week.

I have issues of my own, and when my sufferer and I started getting closer I thought I could go to him. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I have two friends that I'm really close to but lives far away, near my sufferer actually and she just buried her 23 year old daughter. She has too much she's dealing with to listen much to me, she needs me to be strong for her now. My other friend lives an hour away and we used to chat a lot more than we have been lately. I'm not sure if she has something else going on that she's not telling me. Besides this I was very close to my daughter until she moved out. Now the only time I see her is when we ride to work together. She really doesn't know much about my life a more because she's very preoccupied with her own. I'm glad I raised her to be strong and independent but I never expected her to cut me out this much. So basically I feel very lonely. I have friends at work but I've always tried to keep work and personal life seperate but it seems that's not possible anymore.

I guess I hoping for a future with my sufferer, a new chapter in my life and that's not working out. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it and pretty much everything sucks right now. And I'm on here talking about it because I have no one to talk to.

 

[Sighs]

:hug: if you accept them!

That's the great thing about this forum - you can talk to people who have some understanding. I'm with my vet, but like you have no-one other than the lovely people here to talk to. My family don't want to know. My friends live far away and are too busy. My work colleagues are nice people but I don't feel comfortable telling them about the dramas.

I feel like I spend way too much time here but its a lifeline some days! :)

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I think most supporters should try therapy. I found my ex-sufferer went through times where he wasn't there for me or couldn't be an emotional support system for me. Being a supporter is hard, really hard. I would highly recommend therapy and most insurance covers therapy now. It is a good resource and helped me immensely.

Hug.

 

[Seasounds]

I guess I hoping for a future with my sufferer, a new chapter in my life and that's not working out.

And I'm on here talking about it because I have no one to talk to.

Hello Glara, you are going through a lot of change, that doesn't sound like fun. Sorry. From what I know, you are practicing emotional and intellectual intelligence, by putting all of the relational signs together, to help yourself, as therapists often suggest.

We (sufferers and mates) can't change others; however, we (sufferers and mates) can notice when our partners aren't changing, and instead of nagging at them to change or bothering them to give us support-once we've asked, we can take actions to provide ourselves with the supports we need.

I think you've come to the right place and I think therapy, (as mentioned above) for yourself, is a great idea. What a change it must be, to have your daughter not as close as she was. And you're bringing in more support, just from coming on the forum. This will probably, and eventually-with others' support, help you and you daughter find a new balance of relationship.

To add more community supports, not specializing in PTSD but helping me feel more connected to others, (I, too, feel lonely), I have recently looked for community groups that I could join. Do you have any interests, (e.g. reading-book clubs, singing-choirs, exercise-walking groups, spirituality-church groups, writing groups, etc.) through which you could meet other people?

I'm inspired by how you are looking out for yourself. Thanks and take care!

 

[The Gov]

Unfortunately your story is not unique and I as a sufferer understand your plight. Go visit your friends and take a break to collect your thoughts. I have no friends I pushed them away years ago some of my family too. Sounds like a cliché but count your blessings in that you still have friends and a family. I was admitted into a hospital that specialised in PTSD and they invited friends and family for a day and spoke with them about the issues they face as a carer. I can only speak for myself when I say understanding is the biggest obstacle you will face. This is because you can't see it - look at my avatar as an example. Most that look at that picture would see a happy go lucky personality but behind that smile is ten years of horror. Cling to everythiing you have my friend and take care.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think its great that you're reaching out for help!

 

[Wastinglight]

I feel for you @Glara. Like many others here, I am in a similar position. I feel l am in new territory. My last relationship spanned most of my adult life to date. My ex and I had spent almost all of our time together (read: codependent), and I spent very little time with family or friends (read: he isolated me from everyone else). I can now recognise that that relationship was very unhealthy, but when I entered into my current relationship, I just defaulted to those same expectations for a relationship ie. I just assumed that it would move very fast, and we would soon be joined at the hip - because that's all I knew. That didn't happen of course, and after a while I realised that I had no point of reference - I didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like because I'd never been in one! Add in the PTSD issues and I was soon foundering. Talk about a steep learning curve. Thankfully things are going well now - and slowly, which is the best thing for both of us right now. The support and advice I have received on this forum has been instrumental in my growth.

I made some lovely new friends while I was single, but like yourself, they are all preoccupied with their own lives and issues at present, and I have no family living close by. Even though things are going well with my guy, we still only see each other only a couple of times a week, as he still needs a lot of 'down time' to manage his symptoms. So I'm now faced with the prospect of either going out and making new friends (something I am reluctant to do because of my generalised/social anxiety issues), or spending much of my free time alone, for the time being. It gets a bit lonely at times :rolleyes:

I agree that therapy will be helpful, if you can find a T who is a good fit for you. But otherwise, you're in good company here. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat :hug:

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I think for anyone to be in a successful and or happy relationship , juggling a job, financial pressures, family, social life etc is difficult in itself, add PTSD , anxiety , and everything that comes with it can be overwhelming . In my opinion lets focus on coping on a daily basis instead applying to much pressure and stress to needing everything to work for us, because sometimes that's impossible. Hopefully you will get lots of support on this site and guidance and the one thing you won't feel on this site is lonely, because we are all here to understand and support and to minimise some of that loneliness . Maybe right now your not fully ready to support your friend who has very sadly just buried her daughter , and please don't feel guilty, but try not to isolate yourself because that's really hard to come out off. Good luck x

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's hard for a supporter to get support themselves. :hug:

 

[StarChild]

@Glara, I'm a bit confused about this thread. Is it about you don't have friends to talk to, or would you like to disclose some of your particular personal problems in this thread (besides your friendship), and discuss them with us? Because the title says: "About my problems....". Yet you only mention that you don't have someone in real life to talk to.

 

[Toria]

Hi Glara - I think you could have described a lot of Supporters in your thread. I guess I was lucky in that I was already married to Husband when he had his breakdown / was eventually diagnosed so we had already "started that chapter" so to speak.

But - I do know what you mean about not having people to talk to, and it can be hard having to deal with life's ups and downs when you feel as if you're on your own, let alone PTSD ups and downs. In the UK we have something called the Carers Resource - support and advice for Carers - do you have anything like that in the States?

The only other bit of advice I have is that friendships are two-way. You say your friends have their own problems - perhaps you could help and support them and in return they will help and support you. Friendships tend to go in waves - lots of contact, no contact etc and I'd try to reach out if I were you. Make it clear that you need them but that you are there for them too.

x