About Out Of Gas And Thinking Of An "ultimatum"

[Foxtrot]

I would be curious to hear from others as to this situation: I'm about out of gas with the pushing that my GF is doing with me to get me to leave. I've stayed for months now, but I've decided that unless she gets some therapy (she's never been diagnosed or treated, but certainly has all the symptoms of PTSD), that I'm going to have to mark some clear boundaries. The ebb and flow of her emotions . . . pushing me away one day and pulling me in the next . . . is killing me. It's very painful. So I've decided to basically ask her to get some help or I'll have to leave. I don't want to, I want to stay, but I can't do it alone with someone who is not seeking professional help. I'd stay with her through the depths of hell if she were in treatment, but if she doesn't seek (and I do believe she wants to get better), I think I've got to quietly and respectfully call it. Anyone have any experiences in this particular realm?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Foxtrot,

Ultimately you have to do what is best for you. I can't say that I have experience with this in regard to PTSD since I am the sufferer, but I had this experience with my son's substance abuse. He treated or he left. He chose not to treat, so he had to leave.

None of these decisions are easy. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

Debbie

 

[BigBear]

Hi Foxtrot,

[Please remember that I am not a professional, so carefully evaluate my statements!] Obviously, I can't know your particulars... There seems to me no way to know for sure the outcome of a path without traveling it. It might be bad and it might be good. The best you can hope to do is try to make the decision that is best (in the long term) for her. As long as you're doing your best, nothing more is doable. You can't heal for her. Only she can do that.

Once you start down a path, it is best to take a firm stance. Dithering is almost always harmful. That doesn't mean that you can't reevaluate, just do it in very firm and controlled strokes.

Remember that the real goal is a long term one and not a short term one. I feel confident that you'll do fine!

Bear

 

[Angus McGee]

Foxtrot;
In another thread, you asked me why I stay with my wife while she's suffering from PTSD. Our situations are completely different, however.

FWIW, I think setting an ultimatum is the right choice in your situation. Have her just sit down and talk with someone. She doesn't need to go into in depth treatment for PTSD, but at least have a diagnosis. Then, take things from there.

Being a carer is tough enough when the SO has been diagnosed, and is in treatment. Having your GF show all the signs of PTSD, yet refuse to get treatment, or an official diagnosis?

Not good.

Be strong, Foxtrot. We're here for yah.

AMcG