Abuse From My Son

[ladee]

@shimmerz , thank you. Will answer your PM.
Thank you all for being here. There is no where else to take this that they would understand like y'all do.
Love and gratitude.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@ladee :hug:

 

[ladee]

I am So sorry @gizmo for what this is bringing up for you. I feel guilty for causing you any pain.
I can only pray that you understand I have to get this out. I am sorry from my heart if this is upsetting you in anyway. Huge hugs back to you.

 

[Crow]

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@ladee I am not upset at all, no worries, totally understands it is okay.

I just wanted to show you support.:hug: That will teach me about more than a emoticon.;)

 

[ladee]

Thank you @gizmo. I appreciate that you are part of my healing team. .
I'm about RAGED out. So now I can get on with taking care of myself.
I appreciate you gizmo. From my heart.
Hugs

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@ladee I hope that you are taking good care of yourself right now especially.:hug:

 

[ladee]

I am Gizmo. I have sat in one spot and shouted my voice raw. I so needed to get this out.
I am going to move forward. I've had some very painful stuff in my life to overcome before this KID fell off into my world. Just needed to get it out.
It was ending up being self harm by keeping it bottled up. I'm going to be fine.
I already feel better.
Thank you for caring. Means a lot to me.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee I know that you probably already understand what your son is doing, but I will remind you, so that you won't forget. He's manipulating you and trying to guilt you into whatever it is that he "thinks" he needs, wants, or believes to be his truth and wants you to see it. I doubt that he will do himself in or even try. It's a ploy, usually seen by teenagers that haven't fully developed their brains yet.

Your son is an adult, he makes his own choices, be it good or bad, there is NOTHING that you can say or do at this time(or possibly ever) that would make a difference. Everyone perceives THEIR own reality, memories, life, it's THEIR truth, just as we have ours.

My daughter has such a skewed reality of her childhood that I sometimes think, "Where the f*ck did she come from and just where did she get these things from?" She once told me that I withheld medical treatment from her and she almost died. Ok, she woke up one morning, she was 15 at the time. She complained of a real bad stomach ache. Told her I thought it was her appendix and we needed to go to the hospital as soon as possible, because she had a rare bleeding disorder. Her reply, "f*ck that, I'm not having a scar on my body, there is no way, Becaus Pat (her BF at the time) just had his out, and he has a nasty f*cking scar. They are not doing that to me." We argued, we fought, and then I just said, "Well, Deb, when the pain gets bad enough, let me know and I will take you to the hospital" I never left her side all day long. Finally at 8pm, she couldn't stand the pain and we went to the hospital. YES! I knew it was dangerous, but I also knew that fighting her was a losing battle. So to this day, she tells people that I withheld medical treatment. It's HER persecution, and nothing I could do or say can change that. It's her truth, just as your son has his truth.

Even if, god forbid, that your son should follow through with his threats...... KNOW that there is nothing that you could have done to stop it. When I attempted, no one on this earth could have said anything to make me change my mind.....

I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I wish that your son could just grow up, become the adult that he is supposed to be, and learn to talk, instead of unsung the manipulative things he does. I hope that you can one day come to terms with all of this, and know that..... WE DID THE BEST THAT WE COULD!!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with @She Cat she knows what she is talking about. I understand the fine line of wanting to change or save him but he is an adult and if you read Medic you would know that he is making his own choices all by himself.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[ladee]

Deep appreciation and gratitude for the women on this forum.
I came here with complete confidence that I would be heard and supported.
Since my previous posts I have accepted that he is traveling his own journey.
I know this in my deepest self. I know.
What my post today was about was deep grief. The kind you have to wail at the skies. To scream until your throat bleeds.
You scream at the unfairness of it all. You throw your own hard life into a bag and show it to God and scream haven't I had enough?
You have finally turned that person over to God. You surrendered to the fact there is nothing you can do. You even work on accepting that every day and stay out of the way.
You do everything to stop contact. So you don't HAVE to subject yourself to it anymore.
And he found a way. And the ultimate stab. Its all your fault.
I didn't take that on. What finally broke me to Rage is that he found a way. A way to have those words be in my mind forever.
So I posted here and I raged. Pure rage. The kind that is like purifying fire.
I said out loud and very loudly everything I wanted and needed to say.
Things that are socially unacceptable. But it is MY truth. My feelings. No more PC recovery baindaids. MY truth.
I got so much out. So much. And a huge weight is being lifted. It doesn't feel finished. But I'll know when it is. And I won't revisit that rage again. I know me. When it's done, it will be done.
My best friend who has known him all his life is 'helping' him.I have absolute FAITH and trust in her. If she teaches a point where she lets him go. Well we've talked about that too. She is deeply spritual and she is feeling guided to do this with him.
And she knows I have to get out of the picture entirely and do some healing work on myself.she has given me these gifts.
Just as the women on this forum have given me gifts of understanding, support,a safe place to hurt.
I have no idea how I ended up So blessed. But am not going to question it.
I am going to hold all your hands in a circle of love and understanding that can not be broken no matter what.
Thank each of you for being present for me. I can not do this alone. And y'all have shown me I am not alone.
Love you all with deep gratitude

 

[Rosa]

I just joined the forum and your post sounds somewhat like my present issue. I have a 30yr old son who has displayed abusive behaviours to both me and my husband for the last 10 yrs. Today he wrote my husband that he "is sorry he is saddled with a social train wreck" meaning me of course. He also called me a psycho and minimized a tragedy I experienced within my family of origin a few yrs ago. He is displaying bullying behaviour (along with other family members). We sent him his baby pictures after Christmas saying that we feel he doesn't care about us and that perhaps he could look at them and see that he was a loved child and that we are hurting. His response is the tirade I mention above. He seems filled with so much hate! I sent him a link on familial scapegoating and a letter saying I can't understand how he is "zero responsible" for anything when he is so nasty. His dad has yet to write him back but we are totally on the same page and so very sad and fed up. We don't believe that he will ever change and we are withdrawing from him because of it. We have been worried for a long time that he is having mental/drug issues however we don't want to spend the rest of our lives going from one horrible incident to another with him. I understand what you must be going through with your son. There is a site called Peacefulparents/com that is a forum for parents who are estranged or semi-estranged from their adult children. It has a lot of wonderful insights there and perhaps it might help you too. Sending gentle hugs your way.