Abuser Inside

[Kailani]

Does anyone feel like the abuser lives in them? That the effects.. Of the the abuser are sabotaging them perpetuously? How do you get rid of it?

 

[Chava]

Super question. To maintain a sense of power, I AM my abuser. I don't recommend this. But my self harm was/has been a way to maintain a false sense of power in these situations.

I think, realistically, you start to recognize the voices and not necessarily respond. Your own self, higher self, "soul" (or whatever you want to call it), begins to recognize when you are acting out false or unwarranted behaviors/abuse or thoughts. And you can make different choices. I don't know what those different choices are for you. But as you discover and practice them, that is how you separate "you" in your body from the abuser taking you over....I think.... :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Seriously, my answer would be to find a really good energy worker or shaman. They will understand this and know how to work with it. It's not an uncommon feeling I think.

 

[DogwoodTree]

My T said he was noticing that I had started to "quarantine" certain voices in my thoughts. I thought it was interesting that he used the word quarantine instead of something like abolish or replace or extinguish. Not sure what all that means, but it stood out to me.

Anyway, it's like those "parts" are there, but I'm starting to make choices about how and when I interact with them. If I notice myself having a "conversation" with an abuser part, I stop the conversation and move on to a different topic. (Note: This applies to accomplice/neglectful abusers, not the abuser...I don't have conversations with him. I just see his face, and smell him, and so on...no clue yet how to stop that stuff.)

 

[Cryptantha]

I do believe the abuser can sometimes live inside an abuse victim. We perpetuate things they said/did in our minds, sometimes even recreating events. I personally hear my aunt's voice, the mantra of "You're fat, you're ugly, you're stupid, you're, lazy, and NO one will ever love you!" I tell myself all those things, as she did. I have self-harmed to punish mistakes as she used to physically abuse when I made a mistake..

Getting to the root of why it's repeating, what helped to ingrain the behavior (even if it triggers, but if it does, do this with a good T), really plotting out the before, during, and after effects can really help to gradually replace the words, thoughts, feelings, or actions.

In cognitive processing therapy, the Challenging Beliefs Worksheet, it asks for a situation, the stuck point associated with it, emotions created by the stuck point/situation, a whole bunch of questions about thinking patterns, evidence for or against the stuck point, and something to replace it with.

I have to ask myself those questions, write them out, and try to replace that thought. Even working on 5 a week is exhausting, but so very worth it.

We can break free of that inner abuser. I'm very gradually making progress, and it feels like chains falling away. Good luck to you.

 

[Dana1010]

Yes, yes, yes. Not only is it like he's watching my every move, he's also watching my actual thoughts and laughing at them. I'm like, "What about this thought? Tell me if this is an acceptable thought to have. Ok, I'll change it for you."

 

[Dana1010]

find a really good energy worker or shaman.

This is interesting. Any reason you suggest a shaman/energy worker over a therapist?

 

[sun seeker]

Because there really can be a transfer of a part of the abuser's energy into the victim. An energy worker or shaman will see that as a real phenomenon, not just a belief, and will know how to get rid of it safely on an energetic level. I'd certainly recommend both, but an energy worker will work on one aspect while a therapist will work on another. Of course that's not for everyone and people will need to work where they are most comfortable and fits with their belief systems.

 

[Dana1010]

@sun seeker, have you had real life experiences with this?

 

[sun seeker]

Yes.

 

[Dana1010]

@sun seeker. I'd love for you to elaborate. I'm very open to alternative health and healing therapies. If you'd rather not, that's fine.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'd say the words & after-affects are present. I can demoralize myself pretty easily.

I was thinking how ashamed I am of how different I am at times (I mean happy or present/ engaged, or I present well), & yet how I don't know if one day I'll just finish myself off. Yet I'm at the point (progress?) of realizing mostly it's because I feel I shouldn't exist. Because others have told me that.

I also think if I had a future involving anyone else I'd be too much, some really wonderful times, but some hellish-awful times (both because of me).