macbeth
Gold Member
This is going to be hard to explain but bare with me.
When I was in my late teens early 20s I developed a bad habit of binge drinking. This became such a problem that I was hospitalized on more than one occasion and need help to stop. Through shear willpower and a little help from the Lord above I recovered and thrived.
That was until I met my ex husband. Violence and abuse became the norm. He knew about my past struggles with this issue and towards the end of our twisted time together he was using it against me.
He would often force himself on me sexually throughout the relationship but on one ocassion he decided that things would be easier if I had a little to drink. Easier for who I don't know. That night I had a couple and said I'd had enough. Next thing I know I'm thrown to the ground saying " you like to drink don't you bitch!" "You need more" the more I refused the more violent he became until I complied. That night he raped me. As sick and sad as it sounds from that night on that became our Fri night "routine".
It got to the point where he would just buy me a bottle of vodka, I drank as much as he made me,(usually to the point of passing out) and he would do what he wanted to me. The more out of it I was the better for him.
For years after I left him I repeated this pattern of drinking every Fri night for fear of what would happen if I didn't. Even if he wasn't there.
Has anyone else had someone use a substance as a form of control? And has it been a pattern you've repeated long after they've gone?
When I was in my late teens early 20s I developed a bad habit of binge drinking. This became such a problem that I was hospitalized on more than one occasion and need help to stop. Through shear willpower and a little help from the Lord above I recovered and thrived.
That was until I met my ex husband. Violence and abuse became the norm. He knew about my past struggles with this issue and towards the end of our twisted time together he was using it against me.
He would often force himself on me sexually throughout the relationship but on one ocassion he decided that things would be easier if I had a little to drink. Easier for who I don't know. That night I had a couple and said I'd had enough. Next thing I know I'm thrown to the ground saying " you like to drink don't you bitch!" "You need more" the more I refused the more violent he became until I complied. That night he raped me. As sick and sad as it sounds from that night on that became our Fri night "routine".
It got to the point where he would just buy me a bottle of vodka, I drank as much as he made me,(usually to the point of passing out) and he would do what he wanted to me. The more out of it I was the better for him.
For years after I left him I repeated this pattern of drinking every Fri night for fear of what would happen if I didn't. Even if he wasn't there.
Has anyone else had someone use a substance as a form of control? And has it been a pattern you've repeated long after they've gone?
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