Relationship Accentuate The Positive

[LizardViolet]

I was feeling pretty down this week. When I'm faced with a new situation, I like to learn everything I can about it. Although PTSD is not new in my life, I've just recently really opened my eyes to it and noticed behaviors in my sweetie that are definitely related. So I've been immersed in it for some weeks, reading this forum, reading books, thinking about it, talking about it with my therapist. I've also been down because my sweetie and I have a conundrum in our relationship and we're still in the middle of the tangle, and who knows how we'll unwind it.

But yesterday evening I started to think about the positives. My heart goes out to all the sufferers and their supporters and carers who are in the middle of the worst of it, whose symptoms are crippling and who are struggling. At the same time, I am reminded of how far my dear friend has come. He does not generally have episodes of rage (he's had maybe one in the 3 1/2 years we've known one another). He gets up every morning and goes out into the world to work and run errands and see people. We eat in restaurants together, we walk on crowded sidewalks and at malls. We have a great sex life. While there are issues that are almost impossible to talk about, on every other topic we are forthright and honest with one another. Although sometimes he says hurtful things, I have never felt physically threatened by him or in physical danger from him. He makes me laugh.

He really cares about me and values me. We have had separations, but we have always come back together, and we have always missed each other terribly. When I was at his place a week ago and a migraine came on, he was incredibly caring and gave me a wonderful massage. It's very, very difficult for him to express his feelings verbally, but when he rubs my feet, I understand it as an expression of love and affection.

He has made great changes in his life over the years, and since I've known him. So I have hope for the future, and I appreciate the good things we share now.

What are some good things you can focus on?

 

[sisu]

I too am lucky in my relationship with my guy. In the 5 years we have known each other we have made great strides both together and as individuals. He is my love and my best friend ~ everytime we are together we have a great time no matter what we are doing. And there is always lots of laughter. One of my favorite things about him is he sings all the time without thinking about it. For example, when he is in the kitchen cooking I will hear him singing a song while cooking. It's so cute and makes my heart melt ~ and it lets me know he is happy, you don't break out into song if you are sad. Or instead of flowers he will bring me a carton of raspberries (my favorite fruit). I think that is so cute because he knows I love them. He keeps things in his house that I like to eat or drink even though he may not like those things. This lets me know he truly cares and listens to me and knows my likes and dislikes.

Thanks for starting this thread. :D

 

[ProudWife99]

Ooh I love this thread already! I am so blessed to have been through a situation where he wanted to get better just as much as I wanted him to get better. Before our wedding I told him that he had to get treatment for his PTSD or I would not go through with the wedding. Not that I would end things, but I couldn't put a lifelong commitment on someone that wasn't committing to a healthy life on their own. We have our ups and downs, but lately when I tell him I'm noticing something with his behavior he is so compassionate. Example: Last night we did our taxes and it was stressful. He came home in a bad mood. I told him I was going to go watch TV somewhere else to avoid his mood and he said "staying grumpy isn't worth not being around you. I'm over it" and we had a nice, calm evening. I just love how dedicated he is to our marriage, no matter how difficult it gets.

 

[Tinyflame]

This is a nice thread- Thank you.

 

[Smallhold]

This thread brings happy tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for starting it.
And to those who contribute to it.

The positives between my beau and me. My PTSD is less severe than his but still needs some tending. We have know each other a few months now and are trying to see if we can get used to having the other in our lives without anyone getting hurt.

Neither of us can afford falling in emotionally too deep and see if fail. So we build slowly slowly to the point where we can see if we could spend a life together.

We know we can but both having been single for a very long time out of necessity, we need to get used to just being with someone again.

So that means not rushing in, not repeating mistakes from the past and loads and loads of talking. I quickly realized he has more of a need to feel some control over what is emotionally a whirlwind to him. So I did hand the metaphorical reigns to him and voila, the tension dropped from his face there and then.

His need to talk about when and how long we see eachother is something so easy for me to give and such a joy to see him bloom.

It has also provided clarity and a structure for me because I do have a life outside him as well :)

This last weekend we spend together and it was balm to my soul to hear him sing in the kitchen. After a horrible week for him, he was happy again. Just cos we were together, ate a meal I brought and made love.

Completely as ease to watch something on tv sunday evening myself while he watched something on the computer at the other end of the room. Our mutual desire to be together is small doses to build up to bigger and better things while taking our time to do our own thing even when we're together.

Sounds like an old married couple after 60 years of routine perhaps but that's how at ease we can be sometimes.

Another positive is that I do not need to explain about me being hyper vigilant.
His military background makes me feel safer than with any man before because I know he would protect me.

And he goes out of his way, even if it means talk for 2 hours, to ensure we are clear and do not hurt each other. As do I in return.

We both realize we are very lucky. It's not easy and it won't be flawless but we are alike and understand eachother.

I've been single for nearly 11 years and a month ago I said to my best friend, "If I don't make it with this man, I'll stay single again. There is no-one who understands me like he does. Such care and dedication combined in a man I really fancy as well ".

Funnily enough he said the same thing to his best friend two weeks ago. "If I can't make it work with this woman, I'll never try again. No-one better suited for me and with such patience and love.". After having been single for 8 years that is.