Acceptance Of Good Points!

[madjon]

ok have been thinking on this for a while but something said to me yesterday has got me thinking, learning to accept that people care about you and that they see the good in you is something which is a challenge at times, it can relate to our self image and how we project ourselves into the world,
a lot of people asked to describe me who dont know me well would say grumpy, spiky, reserved, a private sort of person.
we work on acepting bad things in our lives which have happened.
im a six foot tall chap who wears jump boots and looks a bit scruffy, i dont always have a good image of myself or the way i interact with people,
yesterday i was described as a fluffy bunny it came as a bit of a shock!
we sometimes get caught up looking at all the negative things we think and feel about ourselves that we forget the positive and that other people can see who we are, not just the bits we spend the most time thinking about, so maybe i am a fluffy bunny who looks like a six foot scruffy biker on the outside, i have had the acceptance of all the bad things in my life but learning to accept the good things as well and learning to accept that others can and do care about you and see all of you , so someday maybe someone will say something and instead of wondering why they say it maybe think, well maybe there is something in it after all, accept that you have good bits as well, accept that others can see them, and that they can make their own minds up, accept good things, thats the challenge. maybe i am a fluffy bunny inside.

 

[Lisa]

madjon - this whole post screams fluffy bunny!!! You sound very real, and not at all like some sort of stereotypical rough biker. Unfortunately, how we look can be taken as who we are, but those people who do that are ignorant. Sometimes we suffer in our own ignorance, stereotyping ourselves as the image culture portrays. Sometimes we suffer because of things that have happened, and our self-esteem takes a bashing.

I agree with your wise words. The way we see ourselves, the way we are, and the way others see us is sometimes not fitting together perfectly. Sometimes we only see bad sides to us, and can't understand those who see the good. WE go "you don't really know me" to reject the compliment internally. Or sometimes, people see the not so attractive side in a person's personality. In those situations we have to ask ourselves if they have reason to think that, do they really know us inside, are they misunderstood, or are they simply the one with the problem?

It's about recognising who you are, and acknowledging that emotions can sometimes distort how we see ourselves. It's also about understanding how we come across, how others see us, and whether or not this is a feasable opinion from them. It takes good firm knowledge of your own mind and personality to get this right every time.

I find it difficult accepting compliments because I don't understand why someone would say nice things about me. But that is because I don't feel like I have anything nice to compliment me for. But I also recognise that these are feelings, and related to how I have been treated in the past, and a low self-esteem. So I have to try to think logically. I remind myself of the good things I have done that day, and if I feel I have done something wrong I have to think why that happened, and if it was my intention, or if it is something I need to change.

This is a good post, very relevant to surrounding issues of PTSD. Probably something most, with or without PTSD, need to recognise.

:)

 

[Terry]

I'm the same way. People get pissed at me B/C they give me a compliment and I don't know what to do. My wife just hits me now but then I know what's going on and say thanks. I never thought it might have anything to do with psych stuff. Big fluffy bunny........ in the US he's called "Harvey" 6ft rabbit. Thanks for your ideas.......Harvey.

 

[wildfirewildone]

:crazy-eye In regards to this topic....I had to teach myself to say "Thank you" whenever I received a compliment....that was all I needed to say when someone said something nice about me....eventually I learned to accept nice remarks about myself into my inner self...It comes with just saying "Thank you" when I became aware that some one was compimenting me....I believe that those of us with PTSD suffer from a lack of self esteem from the amount of trauma that we've experienced.....after being "beaten down" by what's happened to us resulting in the PTSD....we give up inside as it's easier and we think less painful just to not want or except compliments....another sort of dissassociation of sorts and self denial that we mean anything to anybody as we have experienced the worst of what society has to offer us.....But we can change and I've had to work at this area of my life....and found that it's a much nicer feeling than the denial could ever present to me:thumbs-up PEACE LIKE A RIVER ATTENDETH MY SOUL

 

[wadoo]

Yes I'm the same too.

People give me a compliment and I dont believe it. If someone smiles at me I believe that more sincerely without them having to say something or someone actually wants to divulge in a conversation is more satisfying than a compliment.

Words are cheap has been my philosophy for many years. Actions are better.

But you are right Madjon.. I'm starting to actually make myself take on board a nice compliment and making myself think that they could actually mean it and I could actually be that compliment... glad someone else out there is like me.. makes me want to keep going :-)

Lorry

 

[madjon]

hearing nice things can be hard at times, but it is worth struggling through and learning to accept them , but fluffy bunny:biggrin: that one may be true but still fluffy bunny.

 

[Portabella]

I think fluffy bunny is a definate compliment. It gives you a warm feeling, almost like a candle gives a home a warm feeling. Take the compliment Jon!
After speaking with you, I could see "fluffy bunny", very nice.

T.

 

[Marlene]

It's funny...if someone compliments me on my work, I can accept that just fine. If someone compliments me on me...well-that's a whole other story. I remember being a teenager and my mother giving me the little elbow to the side and hissing 'say thank you' because someone had complimented me and I just had no idea what to do with it. I've gotten better at saying 'thank you' and walking away. But for the most part, I still have no idea what to do with a compliment. I guess because for so long I have seen myself as one way and when someone else makes a comment that's the polar opposite of how I view myself...they might as well be speaking another language.

Maybe with all of the changes I'm making to how I see myself and treat myself, this would be a good thing to add to the list: If someone gives me a compliment, take it and know that I am worth the time and effort that it took someone else to not only notice something good about me, but make comment on it.

This might take some doing, but I can definately do it.

Great thread, Jon!

 

[madjon]

its too easy just to listen to the bad things we tell ourselves, and what we expect from the world, if we think good things then maybe we will become unguarded, so are always looking for the boot from a compliment, taking a compliment is a hard thing sometimes, but worth trying,

 

[batgirl]

I agree it's really hard to accept your good points. I have a lot of trouble with that myself. In fact someone just complimented me in another thread and I was embarrassed about it, but I said thank you anyhow.