Accepting The Reality I'll Never Experience Love

[joeylittle]

I went through something similar when I realized I didn't have a set of experiences that I could tag with the word 'happy'. I hadn't really thought about it too much before, and when I was in a pretty bad way depression-wise I couldn't pinpoint anything except for two moments in my life. Those took work to figure out.

I legitimately think I hadn't considered what happy felt like, until then. And I believe that those were the two moments I experienced it. If there were others, I could not find them. But, I had two. And when I got a little better, I was able to break down why those things had meant 'happy' to me, and I could find some other things that also made me feel happiness.

Romantic love is a very specific thing. I think you are talking about the feeling of - experience of - being loved, not 'loving' in a broader sense.

You are going to want to shut down the computer and cry, maybe, when I say this - but get a pet. Get a dog. I would have a dog if I could, because their love is much more unconditional (in my mind). But I have two wonderful cats, and sometimes I can believe that they love me.

Or, get an adult cat that's just been rescued. Foster one. Adult male cats that have been toms, off on their own, are often very social - and when they are brought in by rescues and fixed and fed, they mellow into pretty amazing housecoat friends.

You can't make someone love you.

But you can bring an animal into your life, and you can love them - you can shower them with all the love in the world. They will love you back. No, it's not the same. Yes, I wish I had more. But no, I'm not in a place mentally right now to even be able to give more - so I am very, very grateful for my furry boys, without whom life would be very empty.

 

[joeylittle]

Chist, you do realize Eve you're enabling a newer member to blame a relational issue on not getting a vacation right?

Way over the top reaction, here. Ease up.

I've tried to see therapists, but I was sexually harassed and abused by them, too. I tried everything, and got the living crap beat out of me at every turn, with nothing to show for it except knowledge that life can be pretty f*cked up, and with no bright side.

Last I saw in your posts, you seemed willing to give therapy a try again. What happened?

 

[The Albatross]

Bragado... you can actually take some heart here... a goodly number of peeps don't hit where your at til they're in mid to late 30's or 40's... I was 40.

 

[The Albatross]

"Ease up." Yeah, k, duly noted.

 

[Bragado Jansing]

But you can bring an animal into your life, and you can love them - you can shower them with all the love in the world. They will love you back. No, it's not the same. Yes, I wish I had more. But no, I'm not in a place mentally right now to even be able to give more - so I am very, very grateful for my furry boys, without whom life would be very empty.

I'd love to get a pet, but I can't right now, I'm an apartment-dwelling nomad right now with no roots, no base, and no home to call my own. One day I might be able to do it, but it's going to be a hell of a long time before I can do that. I live in NYC so pet ownership is like a privilege for the rich at this point. I'm trying to move somewhere else, maybe the West Coast, because I need to get as far away from where I am as possible.

Perhaps I can try. I don't know at this point! It's a tough situation. I know many of us are experiencing this, and it sucks. It just does. Maybe I should just buck up and keep carrying it.

 

[The Albatross]

Mid life is most often when people come to realize... that what they are doing isn't working, straight up. You though are here, you're questioning, and you got a solid shot at working this through. Education, peer support, risk assessments and being willing to endeavor to try and yeah... maybe fail a bit but guess what?

No matter what happened before that was out of your control... this, is... cuz you Bravado are an adult... is something you can endeavor to actualize if it is indeed what you want.

We actually do have a friend so damaged the he's in his upper 50's and is not nor has any inclination for romantic involvement... but guess what? He has, too a very fulfilling and self satisfied life.

You got a choice dude, that's all I'm sayin' and the choice you make right NOW can be revisited any time you want in the future.
Today isn't "always", k?

 

[The Albatross]

Thank you Bragado for being gracious with me... it's not easy for some.

 

[Bragado Jansing]

Thank you Bragado for being gracious with me... it's not easy for some.

And I thank you for taking the time to talk with me tonight.

 

[The Albatross]

I have time if you care to go into it about being disabled. I did read that but zeroed in on myth/cognitive distortion busting. I suspect that it plays a significant role in your sense of self worth. It too though is not insurmountable.

 

[The Albatross]

We have a member here, who is disabled and who has quested for love/romance for quite a time... he did though endeavor to actualize it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I am not enabling anyone. I am validating Bragado's stance as I know all too well what it's like to simply not have enough time in the day to do certain things like start time intensive relationships. When dealing with PTSD it's important to take into account the fact that the disorder takes up a lot of our time. We cannot create time. We only get so much time and symptoms will dominate our time when intense. Many people with PTSD are preoccupied with the basics of maintaining basic functioning and keeping a roof over our heads. When our basic food/shelter/water needs are met and we have much free time, then comes the possibility of a romantic relationship. Yes, we can "make time" for important things, but with PTSD, sometimes we simply cannot make enough time.

I am bowing out now as I realize I'm not getting responses from the OP.

 

[The Albatross]

K, I already stand corrected Eve, though I do not personally agree one iota. Managing only is a piss poor substitute for actualizing a life. I personally have busted my chops on this for about 4 1/2 years (since my own diagnosis)... the question is what level of priority do you give the spoons and how do you choose to portion them.