Accountability Friends! :)

[ms spock]

I am really struggling at the moment.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

I've stood up for myself twice in the past week without going to the extremes of flipping out. Progress for me, as normally I let things build until I blow.

 

[ms spock]

I am working to counter the suicidal ideation as a default position to manage my emotions.

 

[Leah123]

Therapy today, also did well yesterday opening up some to my walking buddy about stress at home with hubby, and she seemed to take it really well, sharing with me about stress w/her boyfriend. I might try DBT today, too, that would be a win, though I'm feeling pretty mad at my therapist and I realize I probably need to just calm down. I've gotten a lot more aware this last year of having a hair trigger about things, once I get upset, hard to deescalate, sigh, especially when my stress level's already super-high.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Today I'm going to go to the mall I've seen my attacker at before (when ptsd really hit me, seeing him triggered all my memories back). But I'm going to go with a friend and ENJOY it.

 

[ms spock]

I am trying to breathe and stay safe.

 

[ms spock]

I am ringing to ask for help.

 

[aj1]

Hi there @[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/ms-spock.4413/"]Ms Spock.[/DLMURL]

 

[littlelostchild]

Hey Ms Spock, I am so glad that you reached out for help. I know how hard it can be to do that when things are darkest. I am thinking about you.

 

[littlelostchild]

I phoned my sister this evening to listen to her about a challenge she is having with her daughter. During our conversation we talked about the prescription drug and alcohol abuse of our parents when we were growing up. Although I have been on disability and in therapy for a year and a half, I have never told her my diagnosis of PTSD. She told me that she has no memory of her childhood and finds that strange. I told her it is probably best because I do have memories and that is what I am currently trying to deal with. My strategy of trying not remember stopped working.

It was an interesting conversation. I had imagined that I would never bring up this topic with her as I didn't want to trigger her into anything, but as we got closer to the subject, it just seemed natural to suggest to her what is going on. I did not specifically identify that our father, grandfather and uncle had sexually abused me, but I said that our parents drug and alcohol abuse had implications which specifically impacted me, and that when I saw a psychiatrist when I was 16, she didn't believe me, and I didn't get the help I needed. I wonder if she will ask me further questions.

In a way, it is a bit of a relief to have shared a little piece of this - secrets are exhausting.

 

[Leah123]

Today I used a DBT technique, to distract myself from thoughts of my current relationship situation which can get overwhelming and triggering by working from Starbucks instead of at home for a while. I wrote to my therapist too, a little, reaching out is a really big one for me.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Working on getting disability today, putting everything together.