I'm really hoping to gain some insight and clarity on something that happened earlier today. I hadn't seen my bf in a he weeks (he has combat ptsd) yet we speak all day every day via text. Today I got the chance to see him for about a half hour in between jobs.....which was amazing and happy and just all around awesome. My phone went off during that time (which it constantly does - I have two teenagers, plus friends and clients) but I ignored it. I left him, went to the gym, and was absolutely on cloud 9.
About 2.5 hours later he texted and asked how the gym was. I said pretty good....I'm training for a 6 mile run in July to support combat veterans with ptsd and brain injuries....he then said he was glad I had a good workout. Then he asked what time I left the gym. I thought this was an odd question....but answered anyways. (I had just left 30 minutes prior) The conversation went just fine for about an hour......and then.....BAM. Out of nowhere he said my phone goes off a lot when we are together, and if there was anything I needed to lay out on the table now was the time to do it, that I think I'm so smart thinking I can delve into people's backgrounds (I do skip tracing and collections for work) and just lost it on me. I was......shocked. Still shocked. It's about 3am and this happened at 6:15pm....and no, I haven't fallen asleep yet.
I kept asking him why would he ask that, and for what reason? I said I'm no criminal, nor am I playing the field, or anything. He wouldn't let it go. I told him under no circumstances would I allow anyone to question my integrity and he just responded like he thought I was hiding something. I texted back and said I was exactly where I said I was today, and I KNOW this is part of the PTSD behavior. I'm just seeing the projection for the first time onto me......and boy, does it hurt something terrible.
It was like my kind, sweet man stepped out of the room and someone I didn't even know was texting me. It scared me. However I will not allow him to berate or accuse me of anything. I know his last gf threw him for a loop but I do not appreciate her poor behavior being lumped in with who I am. We are supposed to get together in the morning before we both have to go to work but I do not know how to say that his outburst was wrong and unwarranted without setting him off. I love him. But I won't walk on eggshells, either.
About 2.5 hours later he texted and asked how the gym was. I said pretty good....I'm training for a 6 mile run in July to support combat veterans with ptsd and brain injuries....he then said he was glad I had a good workout. Then he asked what time I left the gym. I thought this was an odd question....but answered anyways. (I had just left 30 minutes prior) The conversation went just fine for about an hour......and then.....BAM. Out of nowhere he said my phone goes off a lot when we are together, and if there was anything I needed to lay out on the table now was the time to do it, that I think I'm so smart thinking I can delve into people's backgrounds (I do skip tracing and collections for work) and just lost it on me. I was......shocked. Still shocked. It's about 3am and this happened at 6:15pm....and no, I haven't fallen asleep yet.
I kept asking him why would he ask that, and for what reason? I said I'm no criminal, nor am I playing the field, or anything. He wouldn't let it go. I told him under no circumstances would I allow anyone to question my integrity and he just responded like he thought I was hiding something. I texted back and said I was exactly where I said I was today, and I KNOW this is part of the PTSD behavior. I'm just seeing the projection for the first time onto me......and boy, does it hurt something terrible.
It was like my kind, sweet man stepped out of the room and someone I didn't even know was texting me. It scared me. However I will not allow him to berate or accuse me of anything. I know his last gf threw him for a loop but I do not appreciate her poor behavior being lumped in with who I am. We are supposed to get together in the morning before we both have to go to work but I do not know how to say that his outburst was wrong and unwarranted without setting him off. I love him. But I won't walk on eggshells, either.
