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Acting Childlike In Sessions
- Post starter ARE290260
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arfie
Diamond Member
Like DMerish, I am not sure what you mean by "childlike" but I have often slid into evasive tactics. Arguing, sarcasm, jokes, etc. In my own case I believe it is a defense mechanism. If I can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, I will baffle them with bullsh**.
My favorite shrinks just changed the subject and came back to it later.
Hope you figure out what it is for you, ARE.
My favorite shrinks just changed the subject and came back to it later.
Hope you figure out what it is for you, ARE.
Promicarus
Silver Member
Like the previous posts, I'm not sure what you're referring to with regard to "childishness", exactly.
What you may be talking about is a feeling of finally being able to completely let down your boundaries, in a sense, the "wide-eyed, childish innocence" implicit in the child's state of completely "boundaryless" openness.
I think that many of us with extensive childhood trauma don't form legitimate emotional boundaries, but rather calculatedly detailed shells which we present to the world. They're, in other words, boundaries of intellectual construction, rather than visceral boundaries established via the lengthy process of emotionally engaging with others and the world around us, and which so build gradually, layer upon layer, with the "Emotional Intelligence" that develops, as a result.
Having withdrawn due to early trauma, instead, we are without the graduated, level-by-level system of established emotional boundaries--the result being an "all or nothing" view of letting people in, rather than its being a gradual process.
And so when confronted with someone who we feel finally safe around--a therapist--we completely drop this calculated shell, revealing our as yet undeveloped, childishly open, emotional selves--which remain stunted due to a lifelong pattern of avoidance of emotional engagement as threatening.
This is referred to as being an "adult child", in therapeutic/recovery terms...and results from just that...from being so injured/threatened at an early age, that we shut down, stop reaching out, as it becomes synonymous with pain. The result being this "all or nothing" set of boundaries, the "all" taking the form of being completely encased in our calculatedly developed, consciously designed "shell"....which is only rarely dropped, when we feel safe, to reveal the as yet unevolved, and so childish, inner nature beneath.
I'm not sure if that at all describes what your referring to, but I've experienced the same sense, in such situations. At the time, I was unaware of this as being inappropriate, as I thought of it only in terms of "being honest about who I am". Not having any frame of reference, I was unaware of how inappropriate this complete and utter absence of boundaries was, in an adult. Of course I didn't display this to the world. The world only got "the shell". But more than one therapist remarked to me "are you ALWAYS like this?..." in a kind of startled chagrin. Then a kind of shocked, "...HOW??!" of amazement.
Once I was told, "I can't help you unless you behave here as you do normally". So if this is what you're referring to, in other words, I understand completely.
The problem I've encountered is that I "shut down" so early, that in more than one case, the T simply said, in a kind of discouragement, while looking into my eyes, "...but you're so far behind. I don't think I can help you."
There's a "window", after all:if you still "have it together" to the point that you don't feel the need to reach out for the therapist's help, and so, to become open to it, you're not a good candidate for treatment....but if there's so much work to be done, that one doesn't know where to start, or to have hope of ever catching up...then you can be judged as not a good candidate, for simply practical reasons.
Every therapist is different, of course, as is every person. Each one has to gauge how the demands you will place on their resources will affect them, and so, their other clients, and life in general.
I'm curious as to how your therapist has reacted to this, in your personal experience: is this something that they've suggested is a problem, or a barrier to treatment?
What you may be talking about is a feeling of finally being able to completely let down your boundaries, in a sense, the "wide-eyed, childish innocence" implicit in the child's state of completely "boundaryless" openness.
I think that many of us with extensive childhood trauma don't form legitimate emotional boundaries, but rather calculatedly detailed shells which we present to the world. They're, in other words, boundaries of intellectual construction, rather than visceral boundaries established via the lengthy process of emotionally engaging with others and the world around us, and which so build gradually, layer upon layer, with the "Emotional Intelligence" that develops, as a result.
Having withdrawn due to early trauma, instead, we are without the graduated, level-by-level system of established emotional boundaries--the result being an "all or nothing" view of letting people in, rather than its being a gradual process.
And so when confronted with someone who we feel finally safe around--a therapist--we completely drop this calculated shell, revealing our as yet undeveloped, childishly open, emotional selves--which remain stunted due to a lifelong pattern of avoidance of emotional engagement as threatening.
This is referred to as being an "adult child", in therapeutic/recovery terms...and results from just that...from being so injured/threatened at an early age, that we shut down, stop reaching out, as it becomes synonymous with pain. The result being this "all or nothing" set of boundaries, the "all" taking the form of being completely encased in our calculatedly developed, consciously designed "shell"....which is only rarely dropped, when we feel safe, to reveal the as yet unevolved, and so childish, inner nature beneath.
I'm not sure if that at all describes what your referring to, but I've experienced the same sense, in such situations. At the time, I was unaware of this as being inappropriate, as I thought of it only in terms of "being honest about who I am". Not having any frame of reference, I was unaware of how inappropriate this complete and utter absence of boundaries was, in an adult. Of course I didn't display this to the world. The world only got "the shell". But more than one therapist remarked to me "are you ALWAYS like this?..." in a kind of startled chagrin. Then a kind of shocked, "...HOW??!" of amazement.
Once I was told, "I can't help you unless you behave here as you do normally". So if this is what you're referring to, in other words, I understand completely.
The problem I've encountered is that I "shut down" so early, that in more than one case, the T simply said, in a kind of discouragement, while looking into my eyes, "...but you're so far behind. I don't think I can help you."
There's a "window", after all:if you still "have it together" to the point that you don't feel the need to reach out for the therapist's help, and so, to become open to it, you're not a good candidate for treatment....but if there's so much work to be done, that one doesn't know where to start, or to have hope of ever catching up...then you can be judged as not a good candidate, for simply practical reasons.
Every therapist is different, of course, as is every person. Each one has to gauge how the demands you will place on their resources will affect them, and so, their other clients, and life in general.
I'm curious as to how your therapist has reacted to this, in your personal experience: is this something that they've suggested is a problem, or a barrier to treatment?
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@ARE290260 I think I know what you referring to. I sometimes feel like I am a child and she's my mom, we have talked about it a number of times but I still feel like she's a better version of my mom. :(
It got embarrassing one time during hypnosis my mind completely thought she was my mom something to do with the way she balanced me making sure I don't fall off the couch.
I hate it when I start acting like I am child :(, but she has never complained about it. Only once she made it clear that it is not possible that she could be my mom :( Even after that I still feel like I want her to hold me in her arms, rock me, read me a bedtime story, brush my hair or go shopping with me :cry: I know it is crazy. It is my inner child yearning for all that love and attention. Hopefully I will get over it. The adult me knows she's my t and this is the only type of relationship I will ever have with her
It got embarrassing one time during hypnosis my mind completely thought she was my mom something to do with the way she balanced me making sure I don't fall off the couch.
I hate it when I start acting like I am child :(, but she has never complained about it. Only once she made it clear that it is not possible that she could be my mom :( Even after that I still feel like I want her to hold me in her arms, rock me, read me a bedtime story, brush my hair or go shopping with me :cry: I know it is crazy. It is my inner child yearning for all that love and attention. Hopefully I will get over it. The adult me knows she's my t and this is the only type of relationship I will ever have with her
fyredrift23
Bronze Member
When I get really scared and nervous while talking with my T, I start acting childlike. I start to have trouble finding appropriate words to describe my feelings. Physically, I wring my hands or play with my bracelet, and I start to kinda hunch over or slouch. I look away from him while I'm talking, and I can get so upset that it's hard for me to even speak. My tears freak me out, and crying in front of him makes me embarrassed, so I feel even more anxious.
I'm not sure why I do this. It was difficult for me to even reflect on it, let alone recognize that it even happens sometimes. I just feel so vulnerable in those moments. I just want him to hold me or something. I wish I had a teddy bear or something I could squeeze or hug when I get upset in therapy sessions. :oops:
My T's reaction is kind of what clued me in that I was, indeed, acting childlike when I feel scared. He talks to me in this really soothing voice, kind of like how you would speak to a baby or young child when you were trying to comfort them. He speaks in a really soft, gentle tone, and he doesn't say much, mostly just does a lot of listening. His face shows a lot of compassion and affection, and he mainly just helps me describe what I'm feeling and why I may be feeling it. He really helps me through that time until I "come out of it," so to speak.
I'm not sure why I do this. It was difficult for me to even reflect on it, let alone recognize that it even happens sometimes. I just feel so vulnerable in those moments. I just want him to hold me or something. I wish I had a teddy bear or something I could squeeze or hug when I get upset in therapy sessions. :oops:
My T's reaction is kind of what clued me in that I was, indeed, acting childlike when I feel scared. He talks to me in this really soothing voice, kind of like how you would speak to a baby or young child when you were trying to comfort them. He speaks in a really soft, gentle tone, and he doesn't say much, mostly just does a lot of listening. His face shows a lot of compassion and affection, and he mainly just helps me describe what I'm feeling and why I may be feeling it. He really helps me through that time until I "come out of it," so to speak.
I think you've mostly described my experiences with this too Firedrift, and I wasn't quite game to comment until your response for some reason, so thank you!
Absolutely any thought, feeling or behaviour in myself that I associate with thinking, feeling or behaving in a childlike manner, totally terrifies, humiliates and distresses me. The feelings of vulnerability that come along with this are often more than I feel I can tolerate and if I am able, there's not much I won't do to escape the situation and whatever has triggered the regression.
Sadly, I guess that's all part of therapy, in my case anyway - learning to experience, tolerate and learn/build from the childlike states that I never experienced as a real child.
My therapist is always very quiet, very validating, very gentle, very calm and very, very nonjudgmental. I have cried like an absolute baby more times than I could count. I have also found myself literally huddled up in front of him, unable to move and barely able to breathe. I find myself feeling frantically and almost physically clingy, as though I want to cling to him and not let him leave. I find myself wanting to blurt out what I consider to be childlike phrases of desperation, such as "it hurts", "I'm scared", and "don't leave me". I never, ever feel the need to say such things in such simple direct language in other contexts, and even if I wanted to communicate these sentiments, I would go out of my way to do so in as wordy, complicated and intellectual a way as possible...
Sometimes, I have the overwhelming feeling that I just want him to hug me. Again, I never, ever feel like this at any other time. This has never happened and probably won't, but the fact is that it is a childlike and vulnerable aspect of myself that has been awakened at such times, and that feels so foreign and unnatural that I tend to equate it with a disease.
In short... I think it's normal. And ok. And definitely not something to be ashamed of... And definitely something to be worked with in therapy. A good therapist will recognize, accept and even welcome this as a step in the right direction of relational healing.
Maddog
Absolutely any thought, feeling or behaviour in myself that I associate with thinking, feeling or behaving in a childlike manner, totally terrifies, humiliates and distresses me. The feelings of vulnerability that come along with this are often more than I feel I can tolerate and if I am able, there's not much I won't do to escape the situation and whatever has triggered the regression.
Sadly, I guess that's all part of therapy, in my case anyway - learning to experience, tolerate and learn/build from the childlike states that I never experienced as a real child.
My therapist is always very quiet, very validating, very gentle, very calm and very, very nonjudgmental. I have cried like an absolute baby more times than I could count. I have also found myself literally huddled up in front of him, unable to move and barely able to breathe. I find myself feeling frantically and almost physically clingy, as though I want to cling to him and not let him leave. I find myself wanting to blurt out what I consider to be childlike phrases of desperation, such as "it hurts", "I'm scared", and "don't leave me". I never, ever feel the need to say such things in such simple direct language in other contexts, and even if I wanted to communicate these sentiments, I would go out of my way to do so in as wordy, complicated and intellectual a way as possible...
Sometimes, I have the overwhelming feeling that I just want him to hug me. Again, I never, ever feel like this at any other time. This has never happened and probably won't, but the fact is that it is a childlike and vulnerable aspect of myself that has been awakened at such times, and that feels so foreign and unnatural that I tend to equate it with a disease.
In short... I think it's normal. And ok. And definitely not something to be ashamed of... And definitely something to be worked with in therapy. A good therapist will recognize, accept and even welcome this as a step in the right direction of relational healing.
Maddog
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