Hi,
I grew up living in a political organization my parents belonged to that the authorities later categorized a type of cult, something I have been dismissing for years. Apparently parents in this place were not allowed to be caretakers of their own offspring, since it interfered with their loyalty to the cause. Needless to say there were not many other children there, most mothers did not stay long. Mine stayed, and to this day although I was never sexually or physically abused there, the emotional trauma and neglect bring up feelings of anger, pain and resentment even now(I am 37).
My biological father may has well been a zombie or cardboard cutout for all of the emotion he put out, but to this day my mother delights in inflicting emotional abuse on others. Like Ruth, I left home at a very early age, only to be drawn back as an adult into the torture chamber that is my "maternal unit". Luckily I have a loving stepfather who tries his best to keep her from taunting me. I am not a doctor and not trying to make a diagnosis, but I have to say NPD seems to fit her quite well. Ironic, as I am supposed to be the one with mental health issues.
But I am frustrated with what it is that makes it impossible for me to "divorce" my parents. In some cases, things can and should be worked out. I don't think mine is one. I have been told that is a type of self-inflicted harm, going back for more, but I disagree. I have no conscious desire to cause myself further pain and yet it is like there is an invisible string drawing me back, keeping me tied to the pain, both current and past. I am sure that if I tried I could just cut that string, but my fear of where that would lead me keeps my from doing so. I have proven that I can successfully live and work and succeed without her but for some reason I keep stalling.
Sorry for the long post, but it felt good to get that out. Nice to know that others have similar issues and I found freakof nurture's description disturbingly amusing.
