Relationship Adult Child In The Household

[lynruss]

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD. We are in our late fifties and have been married almost two years. Just before we got married he witnessed a suicide. He was in counseling but has since stopped saying he can't afford it. We are fortunate in that he has made improvement and has more good days than bad.

However, his 21 yr old daughter wants to come to live with us from another state. She has a history of drug abuse, shoplifting and all around bad choices. I'm greatly concerned with how this is going to affect him. I also am not certain I can cope with all the drama and issues of both of them. I'm fairly new on this forum so would really appreciate any input and help!

 

[MissMacD]

I can totally empathize with you on not having full access to the medical care that is needed. I live in Canada and although our system is way better than the US there are still lots of cracks where people like me fall through.

Personally, I wouldn't want someone living with me who would allow me to become their enabler. It's not like she is a teenager anymore, she is an adult.

 

[discarded]

How does your husband feel about her coming to live with you? Have you been able to voice your concerns? It is hard enough having an adult child return to the home to live when they are a stable person but this will surely add stress to the situation. If it were to happen you would have to set firm boundaries from the start. It would be hard for your husband to turn her away if she is in need of help but it may be for the best.

You really need to way up every option here. Do what is best for you and your husband and try not to feel pressured if you are not keen to have her live with you. Some tough decisions need to be made here and either way someone will probably not be too happy. Good luck and hopefully others have great advice on how to handle this one.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My gut feeling is to say no to this one and fight to stand your ground. You will spare yourself so much heartache and grief. She needs to be in a rehab and working on her own issues.

I think she is looking for more enablers as she seems to have run out. My heart goes out to you. Hugs and prayers.

 

[lynruss]

She is definitely coming, but not without boundaries and rules put into place. I just have to figure out how to keep my cool. Patience has never been one of my strongest virtues.