Advice On Walk-away Spouse Who Doesn't Acknowledge Ptsd

[wifeylovesJe]

((Hugs)) to u NavySpouse xoxo.

Just today I cried coz we somehow argued from what he said and It hurts my feelings and I have this thought in my head that's whatever he say should just go right out of my other ear and I try not to think too much about it but some part of me goes too weak and just cried because I feel like I don't know anymore what to do just to support him in all the best way I can, but after awhile that I cry myself, later on I feel better.

Reading about PTSD gives me ideas on what I can do to help my husband, he means alot to me and I wanna be strong for him. I know it is hard when our husbands needs to have their space for themselves but from reading I've learned that its not something about me instead he has to deal with his own self on his own and he probably just don't want you or your kids to see how he is.

My hubby's willingness to go to therapy makes me feel that he wants to get better for me and our kids and also I just wait for the time when he tells me how he feels, I just want to listen for I know it helps him lessen the trauma and pain he's feeling.

I just worry because one time he stabbed himself on his thigh and he said he has no idea he did that to himself, He was rushed to E.R., he told me he has learned he did that when he saw some blood. :( I wanna break down and cry because I know he don't want to hurt himself but his unaware he did. Thank God the stab is not that worse, I know he's fighting it and I am not leaving his side.

We have to take care of ourselves so we can always be strong for our better half. I'm trying my best to be on that thinking because I love him too much.

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[Navy Spouse]

Wifey, I know so much about what you feel.

I too can be ok one moment and the next minute I'm crying. I know my husband wants to get better too. It's hard day after day to feel that were no closer. At least when he was deployed I knew as long as everything went well he would be home in a year. Also even though I worried about him so much while he was away this seems to hurt more because he's away by choice. I know he did it because he loves us and wants to protect us but it still hurts. I was determined to not let his deployments have an affect on our kids and I felt successful in that and relieved when he came home.

This is different though. My kids have always talked about kids at school with parents that were separated and I always told them they had nothing to worry about because dad and I love each other to much. I feel like we've let them down, even though its not a typical separation and its not really what either of us want. Luckily they seem to be adaptable.

I feel so much anger towards the war. My family is broken because of it. I'm proud of my husband for his service, I just wish he wouldn't have had to give so much of hisself. Then I feel for all the spouses whos husbands didn't make it back at all and I want to cry more and I almost feel ashamed for feeling the way I do.

Your right we do have to take care of ourselves. I don't like my kids to see me sad and I know it doesn't help my husband. I try to do things I enjoy so that my mind is off for awhile. I feel like its consumed me though with the amount of time I spend thinking and reading about PTSD. I'm just trying to understand and help him though. I wake in the night feeling angry and when he first left I would wake up in tears.

I think you said your husband was in the army? I read a good book that I thought explained well, what they feel when they return home and why and has suggetions for spouses at the end of each chapter. I was able to borrow it from the library. It may help you also. "Courage after fire" Its all about coping strategies for the troops and their families.

Take Care and keep posting, it helps to know you're not alone. Hugs to you!!

<Please insert paragraph breaks into your posts. Thanks Amethist>

 

[wifeylovesJe]

thanks, I'll look into that book ;) lately hubby has been doing good, he still goes to his therapy, one of his session he was telling me the kid that he always see in his dream was the kid from IRAQ where this kid was so burned and almost impossible to survive and there is a rule where in he can't give the injection for it like the medicine for cases that's near death but as goodhearted as he is, he still gave the med to the kid and he didn't follow the rules, eventually the kid died, he said he never forgive himself. I try to talk him into forgiving himself because I'm sure the kid's parent appreciate what he's done and that little hope he gave them during that time is already a blessing to them that they brought that kid to him.

I know he's trying his best and lately he's been spending time with me. :) I think that's after few days when I told him If I'm additional burden for him, I told him not to be with me, I know It's not right but I think my glass went full from the not so good words he told me so I kinda burst out and told him I may not understand all that he feels but I'm doing everything to support him to the best that I can, he saw me cry for the first time( I always hide when I cry) and you know I guess it somehow made him realize that he really have to help himself, the good thing about us is when we argue, both of us are humble enough to say sorry to each other regardless who's fault it is and it doesn't take that long :)

It's been calm and serene lately, every weekdays both of us are busy with our work, everyday he wakes me up (coz' he wakes up earlier than me) it means a lot to me and I find it sweet, then when I get to work like always he wants me to let him to know I was able to arrive safe, funny if I don't send him a text message he'll worry too much for me and he will call, so I make sure I let him know I'm at work already, same thing goes after work coz sometimes he has to stay late at night to finish all his work. He's already in the leadership rank and he handles all those troubled navy guys, like when someone died or when someone got drunk and gotten in trouble or when someone has beat up the wife, my hubby is the one who handles all of those as the master chief. That alone is already a stressor for him and I'm so proud of him coz he's doing well in his job.

You should try YOGA or Dance class :) I'm into it for almost 2 years now and lately I really find more time to do it 'coz it helps me release stress and also It makes me look good. My hubby loves to workout too and he's really fond I look great and sexy. I don't drink or smoke or have any vices so I always workout if I'm stress. Yoga is definitely my favorite now. My hubby is going thru a lot and I know If I look problematic too or haggard he will think that he's the cause of it. I think being able to take care of myself and look great will give him the positive effect. Truth is both of us have positive benefit from it. I'm praying for everyone to always have the strength and courage to face all the trials in our life ahead. It's always important to to appreciate all the SIMPLE JOYS in our daily lives. We'll get through it and remember it will not always rain ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

That's a sweet post- I'm happy for you both. :)

It means a lot to say "(We'll) get through it", too.
xox