Advice Please

[UnKnown-Self]

Hi All,

My new T is okay but I don't feel like she is capable of really giving me the help I need.
I think I need a therapist who deals specifically with trauma.
I think I should feel 'really" understood. Like I do here, if that makes sense. The current T is kind and compassionate but she doesn't take any lead in the sessions. I am in her office, crying about getting in trouble and trouble coming. The tapping on the head starts, the knees are jumping and she seemed helpless. To me.
I tried to explain to her my fear. The fear of what a slippery slope it was and how easy to slip into the madness. She tentivly asked me my intentions and if I had a plan. I just looked at her and said I have thoughts,
That's how it starts , pondering that
Option especially when deeply triggered
You never know if you will try to carry out any plans until the action is actually taking place.
Doesn't she realize? Doesn't she know? It's a process and I have no way of knowing how far along in thatvprocess I am. T didn't seem to
Understand this process.
I need to keep looking .

Those who have a trauma a therapist
How is it different. I would think I would get the feeling like I do when I come here. I would feel understood and asked questions that were to the point. What is your experience?

 

[Powder]

Hugs, sounds like you are triggered into flashbacks in therapy cause for me, that is the only thing that sends me into "wanting to die or get this over with" feeling.

You would do better with a therapist who has had EMDR training because even if you don't do EMDR, that person will have on hand many resources for you to get out of that state faster and back in control. This will allay your fears of falling down the rabbit hole too far.

Yes, I know the feelings from the various types of flashbacks, pure emotion flashbacks and fear-based memory of trauma ones, that send me sliding down a dark hole into 'the abyss.'

First off, I have trained myself to tolerate the abyss by telling myself that it's a natural feeling when in flashback and it can't hurt me. Even if I am starting to think about jumping off the roof, I know I have been through this before. Then, I use the tips that I have been taught to ground, and this helps me.

Fear of dying is natural with PTSD. A trauma therapist can help you with this.

Are you on meds? I don't think it's good to stay in that loop without something for support, either meds or natural supports.

She sounds like a great T. but maybe not trained enough to meet you at your point of need, as you said, on point. Very good way to put it.

Hugs,

Muse

 

[Justmehere]

General therapists can be an amazing - they have helped me quite a bit.

When I started to work with therapists who were trained in various trauma techniques, it has been even more helpful.

Being understood in therapy is something called "attunement."Bits that feeling where we really feel known and accepted. Your current theorist is new, and it's common for it to take a little time for the therapist and client to find and build on this attunement.

Some trauma therapists are a little more aware of trying to to have this good attunement - I will say this though, they don't always understand. It's pretty much inevitable that there will be times where the therapist just doesn't get it, and it's not always a bad thing. Here on the forums, we can pick and choose what clicks with us but even wirjbttauma therapists, we are going to be misunderstood more often. I have to invite my therapist into my process and help her understand. Usually by doing this, I learn new things about myself that I didn't understand and I find new paths to healing, things I didn't see before.

If I could do it all over again, I would have like to have started with trauma therapists - but I was struggling so badly, even general therapy helped.

Doesn't she realize? Doesn't she know?

If you don't explain what your experience is like, even the best trauma therapist isn't going to know what your process is like for you. This includes telling them when you don't feel understood. Some of my best therapy sessions have come from telling my therapist ways I didn't think she understood me.

That's how it starts , pondering that
Option especially when deeply triggered
You never know if you will try to carry out any plans until the action is actually taking place.
Doesn't she realize? Doesn't she know? It's a process and I have no way of knowing how far along in thatvprocess I am. T didn't seem to
Understand this process.
I need to keep looking .

By "it" are you referring to plans and a process to end your life? It's actually unclear what you are referring to because what you describe here is vague and could apply to a number of things that can happen for someone struggling with PTSD.

Some trauma therapists would challenge you on some of these statements like "I have no way of knowing how far along in that process I am." I have said similar things to more Han one trauma therapists and they challenge me that actually I could learn to identify how unsafe or safe I was, and where I was at in a process. You can also build up the ability to know if plans are more of an imagined escape or an actual intent to carry them out. Some people with PTSD have that ability, some still need to build it. A big part of many train therapies is safety planning and that can involve a lot of work in learning how to indie tidy where one is at in that slippery slope and what jnterventions will be the most effective at each place on that slope.

Trauma therapy is a place where I do often feel understood, and sometimes, it means my therpaist challenges me too or where I have to grow to develo new abilities I didn't have before. It's really hard work, much harder than general therapy, but so incredibly worth it.

I hope you tell her you feel misunderstood and why, and that you want a trauma therpaist. She should be able to help you find a trauma therapist and hopefully can help you better until you do get connected to one.

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds more to me like a reluctance to trust you're T's process. It didn't personally "feel" to me that my non-trauma specialist T was relating to me...which was rational cuz his experiences weren't what mine were/are. However I had no trauma specialist in my area, and wanted the short cut version of therapy... I needed the feedback because what I thought/felt/wanted was so screwed up. I needed levity to recover, and I trusted the guy and the process. It worked.

Thoughts... yeah a bunch of us have them. What response from a shrink were you expecting other than "do you have a plan?" I didn't give two shits about "explaining my fear". Doesn't she realize, doesn't she know? Yeah I expect she does but she's not buying into your train of thinking. Personally I needed a shrink that would think outside of my f*cking box, not agree with it and it saved my ass.

 

[Suzetig]

My T does specialise in trauma, and doesn't take the lead in sessions because she knows that I need to go at my own pace in my own way. We've talked openly about how much easier it would be for both of us if she just structured our sessions, led the work and told me when I was done. But I know I would hide behind that structure, play her at her own game and not do the work I actually need to do.

So yes, I get frustrated and sometimes we spend the first part of the session with me avoiding taking control and her refusing to take over. But it works. Slowly, slowly I can see why she works that way. She wants me to tell her what I need, because I struggle to recognise I have any needs at all, she wants me to choose to be vulnerable with her because other people have forced me to be vulnerable and she doesn't want to recreate that. She wants me to heal, properly, from the inside out.

My guess is that your T understands your process well, she wants you to be able to pick your way through it without her dictating how. While it feels like her leading the way would be quicker - and it might be - it wouldn't be coming from you. Can you talk to her about how you feel?

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am so confused regarding what's happening and at the same time it's crystal clear. Typical PTSD.
I know I am being triggered by the situation on many levels.
From people having more power than me and using it to make me an outcast.
It is a situation I have memories of going through in school. Being the kid whose mother is obviously neglectful does not raise popularity. When I told about my dad when I was a teen not only did no one believe me some relatives went to all my friends. My cousin who was near my age knew them all and told them I had written things in my diary about them saying I was sleeping with all the guys. Which I didn't. I went around one night and they were all waiting for me. Angry, yelling accusations. I tried to say I didn't but they didn't believe me and told me to get out of there and even when I left, the crowd of them followed me for blocks yelling what a liar and whore I was. How I was crazy. They were the first group of friends I ever had and the last.
This scenario repeated itself over the years. Each time I was in a situation and people told lies, I was never believed.
Even up to recently when I tried to say my managers verbal abuse was triggering me because I had PTSD.
When Hs children and ex are being manipulative. But they are sophisticated and have master degrees from Columbia. There I am triggered, irrational and begging to just be let go.
I must be hiding something to be so irrational. They are a group all supporting each other and I am the outsider.
I don't know what about these situations are so triggering to the children inside because I don't have their memories but that's when it gets bad.
If you have ever seen the movie Rainman and Dustin Hoffman is freaking out for some reason.
He would repeat himself over and over and rock or/ and pace. As he got more agitated the repetition of his words word get faster and he would start hitting himself. Rocking, repeat chanting words and hitting himself.
That is what my PTSD is like when the children get triggered and feel trapped.
It's so different than the agitated, crying adult the therapist sees, saying trouble is coming.
That person is me, the scared me but me.
So my T sticks to the facts I'm talking about. My frustration with the estate. Also Suggesting I might want to talk to my pdoc about a meds adjustment.
It does no good to say this or that is going on because my T does not see it.
My pdoc does not see it.
So I go through life not being believed.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am not triggered in therapy. I am walking around triggered.
A voicemail,a piece of regular mail, an email , something on Facebook. I deactivated my FB account.
I apologize, get defensive, feel confused.
Yesterday morning I was talking to one of the new people I would be working for. 7:00 maybe 7:30 am.
She told my current manager I seemed confused and my words were slurred.
My boss knows I have taken a Valium before. It was 5 mil, 1 time and now she is telling me others are saying my words are slurred. The thing is I am confused. My current boss says one person will be my manager but I will still report to her. So the new person says I said I didn't know this other person would be my manager.
Because I was out with mental illness now I am seen in a negative light. If my words sounded slurred it was because I was eating a PB& J but too ashamed to say so and too offended they would think drugs.
I feel so ashamed all the time. I never think my work is good enough.
If I call out or late. I am told about it. I am under a microscope and all I want to do is disappear.
I know I'm not making sense. I'm not clear in my communication. I can tell ..