Advice Regarding Methods/therapies To Use In Recovering Memories

[katz]

Hi, everyone
I would love some advice from you. I have 5 different "demons" to deal with . Some in the family, some not. I have been seeing therapists for most of my life. I have not been able to reach these memories enough to "feel" them. I just remain unfeeling, even though I can tell you exactly what happened and where. I have figured out enough about each "demon" to be sure of the fact that it happened. (My family convinced me that I was imaging them all up.) However, I can't feel any of the emotions. I know that some of you might find this to be better. I have read about so many people being in tears for days. But, I feel like I'm a running wheel and not getting anywhere.

I have always believed that your mind won't let you remember more that you can handle at a time, but...I'm waiting. I have read about dozens of different techniques that have been used to help with the emotional parts. I'm also afraid that the treatment might be too much and end up putting me back in the hospital. I went in when my husband died. It was too much for me to handle the pain of his sudden death. (But, that was over 15 years ago).

I've been told that the one with your eyes going back and forth would not be a good one for me because of how many and how severe the memories are. I have lots and lots of books that I have read and I have a journal that goes back over 40 years, but I just can't seem to get anywhere.

I have reached a point where I have to find a new T, so I thought that this might me a good time to check out some new ideas. Because I know that it will take me a while to learn to trust her. I really hate to have to start again, but I have no choice.

 

[Rumors]

Maybe find someone who deals with something like somatic experience where you tie your body's feelings back in to the trauma for release ??? Maybe your stomach hurts all the time or you carry your trauma in your neck or back. I understand from some friends that this helps you release the trauma.
I'm not sure how it all works. I have trouble pulling the emotional side out too. I've stuffed it for so long I can't feel it. However, I absolutely have the health issues that make it evident that I carry my trauma. It's tough! Good luck!

 

[kona355]

I have always believed that your mind won't let you remember more that you can handle at a time, but...I'm waiting.

You're right, this has been my experience when trying to connect with the emotions buried inside and my mind protected me. And when I did connect it was very hard to bear, but I eventually got through the more intense emotions.

A good T will guide you on this path carefully; she must because of the painful power contained in traumatic memories. In normal experiences shock dulls the pain for a time as a coping mechanism. Going back to visit the event emotionally is to go back without the protective numbness we carry that pain in. But a good T will bring this about carefully so you can bear it.

You need not fear the feelings being allowed to express themselves, though it's normal to. I dreaded feeling what I remembered and it was hard when I did manage to push through the numbness and feel some of the emotions. But with some feelings it got better with each session, like the pain of loss. The shame I felt was the worst, though it and other feelings connected to those events are now a lot less than they were. That's where reframing my negative outlook, my take on those events helped most, mainly because I had been blaming myself for the things that happened. Blaming myself was very toxic.

And like you, my family was not helpful, they increased my feelings of guilt (I've never had problems with feeling that one), and this too is toxic.

Whether to take on the biggest demon or the smallest first, I'm not sure. That would depend on you, I think.

 

[katz]

Thanks for your advice. I got a couple of names from my other T when I left. So, I will check around and see if any one of them can help me. I think I will be very, very careful who I pick. I hate starting over when telling my stories.

It's kind of funny, but I really don't blame myself. I can put the blame from the past on who it belongs on--the "demons". However, there is lots of guilt on the present. I blame myself for what I "can't" do. I've already lost one husband because of this mess, I don't want to lose another one.

 

[kona355]

I understand that fear of further loss.

 

[Chava]

Somatic Experiencing or other body-focused trauma therapy might be a helpful route for you. I spent decades cut off from my body and feelings. SE is about first noticing sensations and feelings through staying connected to our body (vs just in our head). I still have memories that are split up (like I have horrible feelings and body memories without normal memories, or some "normal" memories with very little feeling) but I've been able to feel more and even cry and feel better for it, which has been very unusual in my life.