Sufferer Advise on what help I need please

[PamelaS]

Hi

I would like to know what professional support I should look for

Previous breakups been different because I was not in an abusive relationship, my last break up was friendly we sold our home went out separate ways but remained friends

This time I have a mortgage with my husband he has already been going on a hate campaign against me telling lies and everything he has done to me for the past 6 years he has now told everyone I have done to him, he has said he will make sure I walk away with nothing I have spent all my money in our home and paying bills .

I just feel so lost and scared of what the future holds x

You came to the right place to get your questions answered. The people here have been where you are. They know the potholes and can help you avoid them. Wors case scenario, even if you walk away with nothing, you would still be better off. Do what you can to get what is yours, but we don’t always have the resources to fight every battle. So prioritize what is most important, your stuff or your sanity. Let go and leave the rest in the dust as you walk into the freedom that you desire. Don’t get hung up on everything being right, because the truth of the matter is that life is not always fair. It can be very hard. But choosing to seek a better and safer outcome will bring you to a peaceful place where you can rest from the storm you have been in. Best wishes as we walk this road alongside one another. Keep your chin up. And when you fall down, keep getting back up again and moving forward.

 

[hiker]

No matter how much you miss him or feel lost without him, make a commitment to NEVER GO BACK!!! Be a kangaroo and bounce right into your future. The key to being a kangaroo is that great big tail! Because that great big tail prevents the kangaroo from going backwards!!! Remember where you’ve been and what you have learned from it. NEVER listen to the lies that you are worthless, lost or not good enough!!! You are perfect just where you are and who you are!!! Don’t believe anything else!!! 4 hours away is a good thing! It puts a protective buffer between you and your husband. He can’t easily get to you and it will be harder for you to follow the temptation of going back! Don’t listen to anyone who condemns you for what you are doing. Completely dismiss everything that does not build you up. Open the door to the adventure before you, the new start, the healing and wholeness, the new people you will meet along the way. And when you have come to a stable plateau you will be able to look back at how far you’ve come and what you have accomplished. You will also be equipped to help others on the same path. I’m praying for you and if there is any safe way to protect ourselves to connect, I would love to be on this journey with you. Together we are stronger. We need that strength to stay on the path that leads to freedom and healing. Surround yourself with people who get it. Don’t follow anyone who hasn’t walked this trail, they don’t know what they’re talking about, no matter how innocent or helpful they want to be. Listen, but dismiss anything that doesn’t resonate with you or where you are headed. You are walking this out and you are the one who gets to decide what is good for you! Never forget that. Let it empower you to continue on, even in the hard crags and crevices and the steep alpine. Stand firm in who you are and believe the truth!!! If it isn’t good for you, then it isn’t necessary. But even if you backslide and end up somewhere you didn’t plan to, it will help to mold you into the strong and capable person that you truly are deep inside. I will be praying for you that you will find a therapist to help you dig down deep and find that person. I am looking for a “trauma informed therapist.” From my research, that seems to be the best fit for me. Be careful in choosing a therapist. I had to fire my last one, after working with him for 10years because it was not helping me. Developing a relationship with a competent and kind therapist will help you to keep moving forward. Praying as we seek that. So lovely to meet you here. This is a safe place. Keep coming back and posting along the way to help yourself and others. I will be. C U here!!!

Thank you so so much ..
You are such an amazing person thank u
I will be praying for you to and will definitely stay here to take advice and if in any way I can help someone then that will feel wonderful

 

[Friday]

I would like to know what professional support I should look for

For the practical day to day dealing with an abusive spouse / soon to be ex / ex… Domestic Violence support groups / shelters / resource hubs (which also usually includes access to lawyers who specialise in DV cases. Not just the divorce but the ongoing slog of dealing with someone determined to ruin you. Name changes. Mail/bills/school letters etc. being funnelled through a state facility in the capital before being directed to your real address, etc., etc., etc.,).

Whilst a number of people in DV Support ALSO have PTSD? Either from the abuse, or pre-existing from earlier trauma? The overwhelming majority do not. They’re suffering the effects of abuse, and those effects are both alarmingly similar, and very very different, person by person. In ADDITION to PTSD there will be men, women, & children with about a dozen or so different disorders & conditions from / exacerbated by the abuse, and about 20% will have disorders or conditions they were born with ON TOP OF the effects of abuse. So DV specialists usually specialise …wait for it… in DV. With only passing knowledge of the dozens of trauma related disorders & conditions, and hundreds of psych conditions. Enough to usually be able to direct people pretty accurately to further specialists. (Trauma therapists, addiction programs, OCD therapists, eating disorder clinics, therapists who specialise in various mood disorders, like depression, therapists who specialise in personality disorders, like BPD. Et Cetera. Et Cetera.).

As you’ve already been diagnosed with PTSD, that makes it easier… Use the DV Support to deal with the DV aspects, and find a trauma therapist to help you with the PTSD aspects.

 

[hiker]

thank u

 

[PamelaS]

For the practical day to day dealing with an abusive spouse / soon to be ex / ex… Domestic Violence support groups / shelters / resource hubs (which also usually includes access to lawyers who specialise in DV cases. Not just the divorce but the ongoing slog of dealing with someone determined to ruin you. Name changes. Mail/bills/school letters etc. being funnelled through a state facility in the capital before being directed to your real address, etc., etc., etc.,).

Whilst a number of people in DV Support ALSO have PTSD? Either from the abuse, or pre-existing from earlier trauma? The overwhelming majority do not. They’re suffering the effects of abuse, and those effects are both alarmingly similar, and very very different, person by person. In ADDITION to PTSD there will be men, women, & children with about a dozen or so different disorders & conditions from / exacerbated by the abuse, and about 20% will have disorders or conditions they were born with ON TOP OF the effects of abuse. So DV specialists usually specialise …wait for it… in DV. With only passing knowledge of the dozens of trauma related disorders & conditions, and hundreds of psych conditions. Enough to usually be able to direct people pretty accurately to further specialists. (Trauma therapists, addiction programs, OCD therapists, eating disorder clinics, therapists who specialise in various mood disorders, like depression, therapists who specialise in personality disorders, like BPD. Et Cetera. Et Cetera.).

As you’ve already been diagnosed with PTSD, that makes it easier… Use the DV Support to deal with the DV aspects, and find a trauma therapist to help you with the PTSD aspects.

Friday, Thank you so much for this detailed response with so much information and so many resources. I am taking notes on key information that I can use to move forward. I am trying to comprehend. Sorted it out except: What would the DM hubs be called and how do you find them? Thanks again for all of this very detailed and specialized information!!!!! Extremely helpful!!!!!