Sufferer Advise on what help I need please

[hiker]

Hi I am new here

I have been in a narcissistic controlled relationship for the past 6 years, I found the strength to walk out but I'm feeling totally lost I have feelings of sadness, guilt, worry, heartbreak and almost like I don't know how to cope without him I know it sounds crazy but I miss him even though he was mentally abusing me

Does anyone know where I can find the right support what support do I need ?

Thank u in advance
Mara

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi I am new here

I have been in a narcissistic controlled relationship for the past 6 years, I found the strength to walk out but I'm feeling totally lost I have feelings of sadness, guilt, worry, heartbreak and almost like I don't know how to cope without him I know it sounds crazy but I miss him even though he was mentally abusing me

Does anyone know where I can find the right support what support do I need ?

Thank u in advance
Mara

Hi Mara,

Firstly, I want to acknowledge the incredible strength it took for you to leave that relationship. It's understandable that you're experiencing a whirlwind of emotions right now—leaving such a situation can often feel like breaking away from something that once seemed to be a lifeline, even when it was harmful. You're not alone in feeling this way, and it certainly doesn't sound crazy.

You've come to the right place for support. Myptsd.com offers a compassionate and understanding community where you can connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. Here, you can share your story, seek advice, and find solace in the knowledge that you're not alone in your journey towards healing.

It might also be helpful to consider seeking professional therapy. Speaking with a trauma-informed therapist who understands PTSD and CPTSD can provide you with tools to process your feelings, heal, and rebuild your sense of self. Many in our community find a combination of peer support and professional guidance to be beneficial.

On myptsd.com, we also have specific forums dedicated to different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD, including those related to relationships and emotional abuse. You might find it helpful to explore these spaces and see the conversations that are unfolding there.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one day at a time. We're here for you.

Warm regards,
Riley Jones

 

[Friday]

Aloha @hiker

Do you also have PTSD?

 

[hiker]

Yes

 

[Friday]

Breakups can be hard, in a lotta different ways.

On the PTSD side of things, increased stress = increased symptoms, so doubling down on the basics (Stress Cup, Self Care, etc.) is always a good place to start, during big life changes, and if you feel your symptoms starting to get away with you? Getting back into &/or into trauma therapy, for some focus on stabilising, can save a helluva lotta time; by getting out in front of a thing, rather than needing to pick up the pieces.

On the therapy-in-general side of things, there are a metric shit ton of resources out there for domestic violence, leaving abusive relationships, advice & support on rebuilding one’s life after abuse, etc.

On the resilience side of things, whilst the following article is specifically about traumatic resilience & avoiding PTSD? It’s also got a pretty fantastic check list sort of thing for shoring up strength & support, in general. Things that are worth making sure are in one’s life, at pretty much any time, and if not? To work on bringing them into/more into one’s life, and keeping them fresh/vital/active/prioritized >>> Traumatic resilience: avoiding ptsd

On the personal side of things, what kind of support do YOU need/want, or find interesting/curious/worth pursuing? How have you handled breakups in the past? What’s been lacking or helpful then? What seems missing now? What seems exciting now? What speaks to you? >>> We all need/want different things, in life, in hard times, during transitions; what makes a thing easier, or harder, is hugely personality driven.

Welcome to the community!

 

[arfie]

hello hikeher. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

personally, i don't see anything odd in missing your abusers. i attended grief workshops to help me deal with that phenom. the people are still alive, but my hopes for the relationships i yearned for are as dead as road kill. is there a loss more tragic than the death of hope.

there are as many ways to approach recovery as there are trails of tears leading to the need for recovery. the **right** path for any given sufferer is puzzling, at best. the most consistent source of help in my own receovery was/is alanon. others manage to find stable professional relationships. still others find religion. we each have to find our own path.

but you have found a most excellent spot to ask questions and explore the possibilities. listening.

steadying support while you find your way. welcome aboard.

 

[hiker]

Thank you so much

 

[PamelaS]

Hi Mara,

Firstly, I want to acknowledge the incredible strength it took for you to leave that relationship. It's understandable that you're experiencing a whirlwind of emotions right now—leaving such a situation can often feel like breaking away from something that once seemed to be a lifeline, even when it was harmful. You're not alone in feeling this way, and it certainly doesn't sound crazy.

You've come to the right place for support. Myptsd.com offers a compassionate and understanding community where you can connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. Here, you can share your story, seek advice, and find solace in the knowledge that you're not alone in your journey towards healing.

It might also be helpful to consider seeking professional therapy. Speaking with a trauma-informed therapist who understands PTSD and CPTSD can provide you with tools to process your feelings, heal, and rebuild your sense of self. Many in our community find a combination of peer support and professional guidance to be beneficial.

On myptsd.com, we also have specific forums dedicated to different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD, including those related to relationships and emotional abuse. You might find it helpful to explore these spaces and see the conversations that are unfolding there.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one day at a time. We're here for you.

Warm regards,
Riley Jones

Thank you

Thank you so much

Mara/Hiker, Th

 

[PamelaS]

Hiker/Mara,
Thank you for your courage to post! Your post has generated excellent responses with great wisdom and insights and direction. I have been stuck in a marriage with a narcissist and so much more for 21 years. I was living separate and safe for 8 years, but then finding myself without housing and of all of the options, only one was best for my son. So, we ended up going back to the house with my husband. The past two years have been hell. But I am coming to the end of it. I am working towards finding safe affordable housing. That is not easy today. The homeless population is growing.
So, I want to thank you very much for, very much for having the courage to post. Yes, your feelings are “normal” for someone going through what you are going through. Sorting them out is challenging. Each response to your post is very valuable as well as helpful for others like me. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking on the door of your freedom from abuse. It may have been your story, but it doesn’t have to continue to be. I will be praying for you to find peace in the chaos, direction in the confusion, and hope in the despair. You have a hope and a future that is bright. Keep moving forward, even if you go backwards sometimes, keep pushing forward. The journey is not easy, but neither is a challenging hike that leads to a breathtaking view. It’s worth the effort. I’m looking forward to celebrating with you along the way as you reach milestones. Enjoy your trek, it’s yours. It will take you to a healthy and fulfilling future.

 

[hiker]

Hello
Thank you so much for such a lovely message, I am so sorry u are going through it yourself it's such a hard situation to be in .

I'm trying so hard to adjust to a new life away from everything I know and I'm used to , I had to relocate 4 hours away everything is knew I'm trying to find routine but I'm struggling with feeling worthless, lost and just not good enough

My friends and family have been amazing but the sad truth is I miss my narcissistic husband I miss my life even though it was hurting me and making me ill I never realised how much I depended on his approval and depended on him full stop

It's early days and I now need to seek some help and support from professionals, it's going to be a long hike up a very steep mountain but I'm sure it will be worth it when I reach the top

I am sending u so much love and hope u will find somewhere to go with your son where u are safe and find happiness xxx

 

[hiker]

Breakups can be hard, in a lotta different ways.

On the PTSD side of things, increased stress = increased symptoms, so doubling down on the basics (Stress Cup, Self Care, etc.) is always a good place to start, during big life changes, and if you feel your symptoms starting to get away with you? Getting back into &/or into trauma therapy, for some focus on stabilising, can save a helluva lotta time; by getting out in front of a thing, rather than needing to pick up the pieces.

On the therapy-in-general side of things, there are a metric shit ton of resources out there for domestic violence, leaving abusive relationships, advice & support on rebuilding one’s life after abuse, etc.

On the resilience side of things, whilst the following article is specifically about traumatic resilience & avoiding PTSD? It’s also got a pretty fantastic check list sort of thing for shoring up strength & support, in general. Things that are worth making sure are in one’s life, at pretty much any time, and if not? To work on bringing them into/more into one’s life, and keeping them fresh/vital/active/prioritized >>> Traumatic resilience: avoiding ptsd

On the personal side of things, what kind of support do YOU need/want, or find interesting/curious/worth pursuing? How have you handled breakups in the past? What’s been lacking or helpful then? What seems missing now? What seems exciting now? What speaks to you? >>> We all need/want different things, in life, in hard times, during transitions; what makes a thing easier, or harder, is hugely personality driven.

Welcome to the community!

Hi

I would like to know what professional support I should look for

Previous breakups been different because I was not in an abusive relationship, my last break up was friendly we sold our home went out separate ways but remained friends

This time I have a mortgage with my husband he has already been going on a hate campaign against me telling lies and everything he has done to me for the past 6 years he has now told everyone I have done to him, he has said he will make sure I walk away with nothing I have spent all my money in our home and paying bills .

I just feel so lost and scared of what the future holds x

 

[PamelaS]

No matter how much you miss him or feel lost without him, make a commitment to NEVER GO BACK!!! Be a kangaroo and bounce right into your future. The key to being a kangaroo is that great big tail! Because that great big tail prevents the kangaroo from going backwards!!! Remember where you’ve been and what you have learned from it. NEVER listen to the lies that you are worthless, lost or not good enough!!! You are perfect just where you are and who you are!!! Don’t believe anything else!!! 4 hours away is a good thing! It puts a protective buffer between you and your husband. He can’t easily get to you and it will be harder for you to follow the temptation of going back! Don’t listen to anyone who condemns you for what you are doing. Completely dismiss everything that does not build you up. Open the door to the adventure before you, the new start, the healing and wholeness, the new people you will meet along the way. And when you have come to a stable plateau you will be able to look back at how far you’ve come and what you have accomplished. You will also be equipped to help others on the same path. I’m praying for you and if there is any safe way to protect ourselves to connect, I would love to be on this journey with you. Together we are stronger. We need that strength to stay on the path that leads to freedom and healing. Surround yourself with people who get it. Don’t follow anyone who hasn’t walked this trail, they don’t know what they’re talking about, no matter how innocent or helpful they want to be. Listen, but dismiss anything that doesn’t resonate with you or where you are headed. You are walking this out and you are the one who gets to decide what is good for you! Never forget that. Let it empower you to continue on, even in the hard crags and crevices and the steep alpine. Stand firm in who you are and believe the truth!!! If it isn’t good for you, then it isn’t necessary. But even if you backslide and end up somewhere you didn’t plan to, it will help to mold you into the strong and capable person that you truly are deep inside. I will be praying for you that you will find a therapist to help you dig down deep and find that person. I am looking for a “trauma informed therapist.” From my research, that seems to be the best fit for me. Be careful in choosing a therapist. I had to fire my last one, after working with him for 10years because it was not helping me. Developing a relationship with a competent and kind therapist will help you to keep moving forward. Praying as we seek that. So lovely to meet you here. This is a safe place. Keep coming back and posting along the way to help yourself and others. I will be. C U here!!!