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Afghanistan Vet

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oef'd

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Hey y'all - been watching the forums for a while and they seem to be a good place to start for someone who isn't really comfortable with seeking out therapy, medication, etc. yet.

I got back from Afghanistan this past spring, and to be honest, didn't have too many problems right off the bat. I used to run thirty - forty miles a week to keep my mind off of things, and I'd drink pretty heavily on the weekends - unhealthy, I know, but it worked for the time being.

To make a long story short, I had thought and hoped that I was in the clear since I didn't have too many symptoms within the first ninety days (which is, supposedly, when most signs/symptoms arise). Lately though, I feel like everything's falling apart. I've stopped working out (apart from PT with my platoon), I find myself having to psych myself up for what should be normal interactions with friends and family (having to "pretend" to be myself because all I feel like doing is laying in bed), and I can't go a day without a several-hour-long session of dwelling on everything that happened in country. It's not like a reality-bending flashback, but it's a slump wherein all I can do is replay certain events - I just lay in my rack and blank out. I don't have the focus or concentration that I used to, that's for sure. I used to be an avid reader, but now I can hardly stand to read a few sentences without becoming completely bored. I can't sleep at night, but I only have infrequent nightmares; I think a lot of it is just simple restlessness.

There's a lot more to it, but I don't feel like opening up all the way just yet. I guess the main reason I came here and registered is because the only thing I've noticed that helps me is talking about some of the things I experience with people who can actually relate in some way or another. I'm tired of people who don't understand asking about "what it's like" and offering to buy me a beer - that only went so far, and it's gotten pretty old.

I don't really want to seek therapy yet because I have another tour slated within the next few months. I feel like I can make it through again, but I want to see if I can find a way to cope a little better so that maybe when I come out on the other side as a civilian, I can get through the day a bit easier.

Well, so much for being brief - hello, forum goers! Hope to get to know you soon.
 
Thanks for the welcome, Kimberley and Ayesha. I'm already glad I signed up here!

Ayesha, I definitely agree with what you're saying. Actually, I think the best outlet I've found since getting back has been my friend who was abused as a child. She has never seen combat or served in the military, but we both go through a lot of the same things day-to-day... sometimes I feel like I find more solace confiding in her than in some of my friends who are in the military.

Thanks again for the replies, and I'll see you around the forums.
 
Welcome to the forum. A lot of good info on here to read through and I hope it helps you on your healing journey.
 
Welcome oef'd... wise to set up a support system if you're up for another tour and glad you have a 3D (3 dimensional or real life) friend that you can be honest with. You're pretty astute about your behavior changes.... I think your observations are solid ones and I'm glad you're here.
 
Welcome, oef'd! Thank you for your service. My husband just returned in Feb this year from Afg. So all these things you mention are all too familiar to me. The most important thing is to build that support network - find someone who 'has your back' and if you feel yourself going under, don't hesitate to seek out counseling. Better safe than sorry.

How is it that you're going back to Afg so soon for your next tour? Did you volunteer? Or did you get hit with stop-loss? Our returning troops here in New York State are unable to return so soon.
 
Hi oef'd

Welcome to the forum.

Maybe joining the Combat PTSD Forum would help you too. You can reach it by clicking on the blue link at the bottom of my reply.

Take care

Amethist
 
Welcome to the forum. I am new to the forum as well. I was a little hesitant to respond to you because I think your circumstances are different than mine. I have PTSD as a result of a traumatic childhood (father murdered my mother). However, I found myself relating to MANY of the things you described. I also used to be an avid runner, but I find it difficult to find the energy I need to run. I find myself sitting and replaying events over and over in my head as well. I tend to play the "what if" game with myself. I have a job where I do not feel comfortable disclosing my issues to anyone. I also find that the symptoms I am experiencing have an impact on my ability to focus and concentrate. I have been trying to read Tina Fey's book for a month now because I was hoping it would make me laugh.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. It's a struggle for me everyday, but we have to keep going, right?
 
A million thanks to everyone who has posted. This level of interaction is exactly why I decided to sign up, and again, I'm already thankful I did.

LilacFaerie, thanks to your husband for his service and to you for your support. Is he Army/National Guard? I can't think of too many other branches that are based in New York. I'm with an infantry platoon in 2nd Marine Division out of Camp Lejeune, NC. To answer your question, we generally do shorter tours than the Army (seven to eight months as opposed to twelve to fifteen), though from what I've seen, our turnaround is usually shorter, too. Deploying in January will mean nine months stateside for us.

Amethist, thanks for the heads up - I'll definitely look into that other forum.

Burke, I feel you on a lot of those same things - thanks for all you said, by the way. It's good to know there are people out there who are also going through this. I too feel like I can't reveal what's going on with my friends - the reason might be different for you, but I guess I worry that the guys in my unit might think of me as weaker for having some of these problems. I've seen far too many of my friends turn to hardcore drugs or drinking (I'm guilty of turning to the latter myself) instead of getting legitimate help, so I decided to branch out and look for something a little more positive. What's the book by Tina Fey called, by the way? I might give that a shot.
 
The book is called Bossypants. It will definitely make you laugh!

I understand EXACTLY what you mean when you say you don't want to be seen as weak. I have worked really hard to get where I am and I am not willing to do anything that might jeopardize that.

I wish I had more answers or advice to offer you, but I am trying to sort through all of this sh&t myself. I too am guilty of drinking too much because it is a really nice and easy way to escape, but I am working to change that.

I will tell you that seeing a therapist has helped me. I was skeptical at first, but decided what I was doing wasn't working for me and it was time to try something different. It has been nice to know that I can talk to this guy about anything and it is safe. He has helped me process things and see them in a different light. Talking and writing/journaling (I thought journaling was so stupid at first) about the thoughts that kept playing in my head made those thoughts fade away. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I don't still have times when I am consumed by intrusive thoughts. However, it does help to have an outlet. If you have a computer, open Word and start typing when you find yourself stuck in one of those moments. If you have somebody you can share those thoughts with, you should do that.
 
LilacFaerie, thanks to your husband for his service and to you for your support. Is he Army/National Guard? I can't think of too many other branches that are based in New York. I'm with an infantry platoon in 2nd Marine Division out of Camp Lejeune, NC. To answer your question, we generally do shorter tours than the Army (seven to eight months as opposed to twelve to fifteen), though from what I've seen, our turnaround is usually shorter, too. Deploying in January will mean nine months stateside for us.

Thank you. :) Yes, he's National Guard - 827th Engineers. He was deployed for a year - came back in Feb, but we had to wait 90 days for the all clear, when we knew for sure he wouldn't be called back. Now they will be stateside for 3 years before being eligible to go again. By then, my husbands ETS will be up.
 
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