Afraid To Ask For A Change In Meds

[Turtle]

So I have recently had a major up tick in symptoms. Before a few weeks ago I didn't really have too many flashbacks during the day. More like intrusive thoughts, but now they are becoming worse and more frequent. I am currently on Valium twice a day 10mg each time. But I feel like I need something different to help with the flashbacks and panic attacks when they occur. I have started taking my med when I feel a bad one coming on (no more than 2 a day and I watch how close I take them, I know it's not ideal but its the only way I can cope right now.)

I know that my psychiatrist doesn't like as needed meds but I can't handle things like they are and I am afraid that if I tell him how I've started to cope that he'll completely take it away and put me on something less effective. I've had such a hard time finding something that helps me, even just a little bit. But I feel like I can't handle this anymore.

Any ideas how I should I bring up that I feel like I need to change my meds and actually have him listen to me? I want this to be a short term thing, but I have often felt like I get lumped in with other patients with this guy and that he won't listen to me, just feed me the same line about meds not being the answer to everything and taking a pill to deal with things doesn't teach you to handle them. Yeah, he's a real winner, but he's my only option at the moment. (he doesn't specialize in ptsd or anything like that, just a psychiatrist at a college campus health center). This is a bad time of year for me and I want to get the help I need without the fight that it usually takes.

 

[Redtail]

Turtle,
Is he the only T you can see, if you are not happy with him I would try to seek out one that you are happy with. I would encourage you to try and find a one with some experience with PTSD.

If you are required to see this guy, I would tell him exactly what you have said here. Be honest and tell him how you feel about him and his prescribing history and how it bothers you. He needs to know how you feel and wont understand unless you tell him.

Good luck!

 

[snugglepuss]

The best way to get help is to be completely honest. Do you have a GP that you trust, who you could go to and ask for help? I am a firm believer that we know our bodies better than anyone else will ever be able to. Are you in counselling of any kind, seeing a therapist? Because if you are able to explain to the psychiatrist that you are not relying on meds alone to get you through this. Medications are only one tiny part of getting better. They are a coping mechanism, and if we don't have other methods of coping readily available to us, then the meds might play a larger role at first, or if we experience a setback for whatever reason.

Another way to get through this might be to ask someone you trust and who is supportive of what you are going through if they will come with you to the appointment and act as an advocate for you. I know that I sometimes completely blank out and can't remember what I was going to say, or I feel some sort of pressure to not ask for what I need, or I get shut down right off the hop. Having someone to help me can be a huge help. Another thing I struggle with is that I sometimes don't hear things the same way that people say them, because I have a reaction to the stress or whatever. So having someone there to kind of interpret for me can be super helpful.

What other kinds of coping mechanisms have you learned so far, or what else works for you??

 

[Turtle]

He is the only psychiatrist we have at our college. He is part of the student health center. I can't go to a gp for a script, they will just refer me to him, which drives me insane. We have argued many times about this, actually all 4 times I've gone in and switched my meds, to something different, but not on the sked I need, as needed currently, or anything that would actually work. I know he's trying to do his job and stuff but its really frustrating when he won't listen about my needs or wants and just bullies me into what he thinks should work, even when I've told him I tired it before and it doesn't work, such as all the slept meds he was pushing at me.

I have a T that does EMDR with me but I'm still new at this and learning to cope. I wasn't good at it before and now that my symptoms are picking up and I'm getting even more angry I'm becoming even worse at it. I hate relaxation techniques, they dont calm me down. Listening to soothing music is like fingernails across a chalkboard, music irritates me even more. I can't control the anger when flashbacks and panic attacks come and I just want help. I never used to feel this way, and i don't like it now. They said symptoms would get worse but I didn't think it would get this bad.

Right now I'm on break from school so I can't see my T for a few weeks and that's just making things worse. If I can manage to get an appt with the psychiatrist I'ltl make the 2 hr drive if it means I can actually get something to improve the situation. I dont know if anger is just a symptom but everyone just pisses me off and I can't handle these feelings. Just thinking about the psychiatristis causing me to spiral out right now. I really hate this.

 

[snugglepuss]

Anger is a totally regular emotion to experience. I don't do soothing music either LOL
I think that the really poopy part of dealing with the emotions is that it seems that there is no break. They are so intrusive. I can be doing something totally inane, like vacuuming or folding clothes, and I get a flashback. It might only be the slightest snippet of something, but I get annoyed because I want to have control over whether or not I think about them...

I am on the waitlist at the local women's shelter for EMDR. I am a little worried about it. It will be about 6-8 months before I can get in to see one of the clinical counsellors, so in the meantime I am seeing a counsellor there who does intake stuff.

Have you done any grounding techniques with your therapist? I have a list of different coping skills, some of which work for me, others I won't even try. How long have you been working with your therapist? The new counsellor I am seeing I have only had about 5 appointments with. The one before her, I had for 3 years. Change is hard in that regard...

 

[Turtle]

I've been with my T for about 3 months, but with school stuff getting in the way I haven't always been able to see her every week, more like every other week for the last month and a half of it. Before we started EMDR I had ways of calming myself down, a lot of them I needed someone else around for though, talking, distraction, go do something etc. So we went through the first part of learning stuff quickly thinking that since I had things I knew worked that I would be able to use those, but they aren't enough for this.

For instance I never really had to deal with all the anger or crying before, it was always a much more mild form of those emotions (irritation or feeling blue, both much easier to handle than out right rage and sobbing episodes) and now I struggle with it. I've learned some grounding stuff but when I'm in the middle of things I either don't remember or don't want to do them, because the thought of them make me so angry (again IDK why, it makes no logical sense and scares me that I think this way). What sucks the most is that before I might have a few days a week were I would be irritated sometimes, but most of them I was doing ok, and now it's the exact opposite. Most days I am pissed about something (again, IDK what, I'm just angry is all I know) and I can't really handle it with the skills that I do know.

If you could give me a list of ones you do know I'll try any of them that I haven't already. I was looking for a thread on here, but it's so disorganized (sometimes titles confuse me) that I haven't seen one so far.

 

[Turtle]

So here's an update, I was able to call my psychiatrist and he said it would be ok to wait until I have a flashback before taking my "morning" dose. Then taking my nightly dose as usual. It will at least get me through until I can make it back to town in next Monday. Hopefully then he'll be able to listen to me better. At least the nurse who was relaying information for me seemed to understand how hard it is becoming for me. Hopefully that will help him understand me better, but I don't know anymore.

Have to wait and see how the next week goes. Maybe this will be enough of a change, but I kinda doubt it.

 

[snugglepuss]

It seems like a good place to start at least.

Some of the things I have learned through seeking safety course and DBT are:
-breathe. it is the one i always fall back on all the time. i tend to hold my breath when i am going through anxiety.

-stop!. i need to remind myself to stop what i am doing, because when i am in that head space, i am just usually spinning around in circles making myself worse.

-grounding techniques. because i dissociate, this one is super helpful for me. i think about how the chair that i am sitting on feels. where do i feel the support? in my back, my legs, my arms on the armrest. i can feel my feet on the floor. there are a lot of grounding techniques available on the internet.

-use the phone. i have a recipe card that i carry with me, and it has the number of someone i can call no matter what time of the day, as well as the crisis line number. it also has my list of coping skills i prefer to use, to remind myself that i am not completely helpless.

-use sensation. the best place for me is the shower if i am really struggling. i stand in there until i feel a little more steady. it helps to relax me, and the sensation of the hot water on my skin brings me back to my body as opposed to floating around in space somewhere. some people like to use ice cubes, and hold them in their hands. it redirects the brain to focus on the here and now.

-colouring books. nuff said.

-pets? got a pet? hang out with it. if you don't have a pet, do you have a stuffie you like to hold onto? i have the stuffies, and i sleep with them. the softness of the fur is quite calming to me.

-ritual/procedure. i make tea. a whole pot of it, even if i know i won't drink it all. the process of it helps me to calm down a bit. i have a tea pot warmer that uses a tea light, so i light that, put it in the glass stand, boil the kettle, warm the pot, get the tea i want to have (i have a cupboard full of tea) and put the right amount into the pot, pour the water, then wait for it to steep. pour myself a cup, and then i can sit and hold the warm cup in my hands, and smell the aroma of the tea i have chosen.

-nature. i use this one a lot too. i go down to the beach and look for sea glass and shells, and being out of my apartment in fresh air often lets my brain see that things are not always how they seem. i can't focus on how out of control i feel if i am busy watching the ground for tiny slivers of beach glass.

-go to bed. sometimes that is the only thing i need to do. it is the only thing that will work. i find that if i can get a bit of sleep then, i usually feel a lot better when i wake up. being sleep deprived is very damaging to the body and the brain, so for those of us who struggle with sleep on an almost daily basis, getting any extra sleep is often a huge relief. sometimes i don't sleep, and just lay there listening to my ipod, or simply lay there under the blankets.

-exercise. if i feel really squirelly, i go for a walk. or i do a bit of yoga. stretching is very beneficial, because it helps oxygenate our bodies. when we are feeling anxiety, our bodies are pumping out cortisol and adrenaline and that stresses the body. we usually start to breathe more shallowly and don't breathe regularly. so then our bodies get more stressed. getting more oxygen into the body seems to disrupt the process.

-imagery. try and visualize a giant stop sign. or whatever will work for you as a way to interrupt your brain from the cycle it is stuck in.

-breathing. breathe in for a count of 4. hold the breath for a count of 4. exhale to a count of 4. wait for a count of 4 before taking the next breath. again, it is that oxygen thing, but the attention you are paying to the counting and the physical process helps engage your brain in something other than the anxiety.

I have more, but I'll stop here for fear of boring people. i hope some of these help. and that is the thing too about these...not every one will work for every person. it is about trial and error, and finding ones that not only will work for you, but ones that you can where ever you might be, and that you will actually use.

 

[Turtle]

Thanks for the post snugglepuss, it really helped me get through the last few weeks!

Figured I'd give an update again. I was able to see my psychiatrist (actually it was exactly a week ago) we were able to talk about changing how I take my meds and if it was safe. I can take them as needed. Usually something pops up during the morning so I just wait until that happens and take the first dose. I've been lucky and had a few days when I didn't need anything to help me calm down until around 1 or 2! The goal now is to keep it under 3x a day. But if I need to, then it's ok to go ahead, he's not worried about toxicity (one of my concerns, but with valium its not much of a worry apparently :))

I was able to explain past drug use too, and I feel like that was a major reason we did not get along in the beginning, he seemed to lump me in with other college age "users", not realizing that my main problem was control PTSD symptoms, and with those undercontrol I don't have an urge to use anything else. When I was feeling really low it would give me engery to get up and start moving which would make me feel better, then afterwards I'd be so exhausted I'd get to sleep.

This is probably one of the first times I've felt comfortable (ok in reality I was desperate enough) to really open up with him. At this point I didn't give a damn if he judged me or not, I just needed to take care of myself. For once I left his office actually feeling good, like he understood me a little bit better, or was at least trying now that he saw how hard of a time I'm having.

 

[snugglepuss]

I am so happy that you feel better about asking him for help!! I totally get the worry about how doctors will deal with the issue of asking for meds. I do no twant to be seen as a drug seeking patient, but sometimes my knowledge of myself trumps their medical knowledge...LOL

That is actually good that you got to that desperate point!! It pushed you to the edge and made you leap. The only way they can help us is if they are fully aware of what is going on. And that requires that we build a two-way relationship with them. It takes time. Which unfortunately means that when we are in crisis and need help right away, sometimes they are not fully able to give that exact help to us. It is good that you persevered though. That is a big deal, because it means you are trusting. :)