Afraid To Do More Emdr

[LaurieJ]

I haven't done an EMDR session in over a year. I'm afraid of what I'll uncover even though I know it will make me feel better eventually. Has anyone else taken a long break from doing EMDR and gone back to it? How did it go?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

HI, I had sessions of EMDR and I was terrified before I risked it. It was the best thing I have ever accomplished in therapy. I am no longer haunted by bad memories and the feelings that go with them. I had to take a three month break from it, policy from my medical insurance and I hope to go back after things settle down for my daughter. It was the best thing I did for myself. It made me feel so much better.

I understand your fear of going back. I wish you well in your decision to go back or not.

For me it was a wonderful tool and experience and I am so very grateful that I had it. I look forward to going back when I can.

Good luck with whatever you choose for yourself.

 

[LaurieJ]

Thanks for reminding me that EMDR makes you feel so much better. I have an appointment next week for an EMDR session. I'm going through with it even though I'm afraid of what it will uncover beneath the surface. Whatever it does uncover I know that I am stronger than it.

 

[Deleted member 16646]

The most common reason people take a break from EMDR processing is that they haven't done enough resource building from phase 2 of the EMDR therapy protocol. Instead, they've gone right into EMDR processing of traumatic memories and get overwhelmed. Sadly, this shouldn't happen in proper and professional EMDR therapy!

One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need.

You learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing.

During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. (The stimulation should not be kept on continuously, because there are specific procedures that need to be followed to process the memory). The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

I’m sure you know that grounding exercises are terrifically helpful and really essential, for anyone. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). Anyway, the book is terrific. It's an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

 

[anthony]

This isn't exclusive to EMDR... it is a broad brush with all trauma therapy. You cannot jump into trauma therapy without having a solid foundation of relaxation and grounding prior, encompassed with a good solid footing of knowledge and a sound home environment that isn't stressing you out that hinders your progress in therapy.

 

[Pencil]

and a sound home environment that isn't stressing you out that hinders your progress in therapy.

Now I have a question about this, but will go seriously off topic if I ask. What's the solution?

 

[Pencil]

and a sound home environment that isn't stressing you out that hinders your progress in therapy.

On second thought, I can ask it here, as it could relate to EMDR as well: What if one doesn't have sound home environment without stressors?

 

[anthony]

Then trauma therapy will be much less effective due to several reasons, some being:

1. You will skip appointments as your stress level doesn't decrease between sessions,
2. Work you do in therapy will be quickly forgotten due to home stressors taking precedence of your attention,
3. Your elevated stress levels at home will get you avoiding necessary homework because you're constantly looking for minutes to just relax,
4. If your home environment is creating trauma, then trauma therapy is being compounded at the very time past issues are being elevated, thus it throws you over the top and suicide, or other rash impulses present,
5. Depression, anxiety and anger may heighten significantly due to home stressors, when compounded with trauma therapy raising past issues,
6. and many more...

Trauma therapy requires a cool down period after the fact. You may leave therapy feeling ok, though you should find symptoms elevating within days, then hopefully relieving prior to your next session. Early sessions you will likely still be elevated going into your next session.

 

[Hashi]

What if one doesn't have sound home environment without stressors?

I think if your home environment is actually traumatic, then it's not possible to do effective trauma therapy at the same time.

Regarding stressors, I'm not sure. I've been doing trauma therapy around all sorts of home stressors (such as major building repair work, minor vandalism and issues with neighbours) as well as other life stressors (such workplace bullying, legal and financial issues, very difficult contact with relatives). It makes it harder but if I'd waited until things were more stable then I'd never do the trauma work.

To some extent it's a Catch 22. There's a point where I can't move forward and make my home environment more stable until I've worked through various things with trauma work. In the meantime I live where I live, with the life that I have. So how else am I going to do trauma work?

I think what's most important is building up a lot of resources and good coping skills, and using them. I think the home environment needs to be stable enough. What "enough" means will vary from person to person, but I'd suggest that even when dealing with other stressors, there may be a way to do effective trauma work. For me, that has included creating some quiet space the evening after therapy and the following morning, however disrupted and stressful the rest of the week might be. It has also included careful pacing of the trauma work. I have lots of sessions inbetween that are focussed on regrouping, coping and general life issues.

Maybe it's different with EMDR, but from discussions on the forum it sounds to me like the potentially destabilising and other difficult reactions are similar to the ones that I have.

When I say a lot of coping and safety skills, I really mean a lot. During trauma work, I personally think they need to be done almost all the time, and to be done proactively and not just in reaction to things coming up. We have to do them consistently whether we feel able to do them or not. I think the home environment needs to be without trauma, and as stable as it can be, but for me the most fundamental point about doing trauma work is having strong inner resources and strategies, and using them.

 

[Hashi]

LaurieJ, I hope that wasn't taking your thread off topic. As others have mentioned here, being prepared to deal with the reactions and emotions is, I think, the best way to approach starting or restarting any trauma therapy.

I also think any trauma therapy that's effective for you is worth doing. If EMDR has been helpful, how would you feel about talking to the therapist you saw before about your fears and concerns over starting it again?

 

[Pencil]

To some extent it's a Catch 22. There's a point where I can't move forward and make my home environment more stable until I've worked through various things with trauma work. In the meantime I live where I live, with the life that I have. So how else am I going to do trauma work?

Hashi, thanks for your response, and yes, I have taken this off topic, so I'll keep it brief.

I think this sums up what went wrong with my attempt at therapy. The therapist I saw was psychodynamic. At the time that I went into therapy, I was 'symptomatic' and was in such a crisis state that I didn't even realize that anything was trauma related - I simply thought I was losing my mind. The therapist showed zero interest in my daily life, which is okay if one goes for analysis, but not for a trauma-related crisis. I started reading only afterwards and realized that trauma therapy should focus on safety in phase 1 (according to the Herman model).

Anthony your post clarifies to me the reasons for my heightened reactions to therapy, which people easily ascribe to being full of 'BPD shit'.

And this brings me back to my original question that I did not formulate clearly: What does one do in such a case? I was in such a state that I was desperate to see a therapist, but not in a stable situation so as to benefit. How does one solve this? (Apart, of course, from changing to a trauma therapist.)

 

[anthony]

You have to stabilise your home environment first, and there isn't a simple solution to that, but instead if you need help to do it, then that is what you go after help / counselling for, and not for trauma work. You go after help to get your home life stable. If that means relationship counselling, separation, moving, and so forth... then that is the issue you tackle first. If it takes you 6 - 12 months to tackle it, then so be it. PTSD isn't going anywhere. You can't get ahead of trauma therapy... it just doesn't work. There is a very precise and balanced order for it for good reason... and that reason is to give you the best chance of success as possible.

When home is shit, it has nothing to do with BPD either. It has to do with home, that's it. There are no excuses, no justification, no anything... home must be stable to give trauma therapy the best chance possible to succeed. If not... chances are you will dropout of therapy, or be another who spends years in therapy, week to week, and really you endup using therapy to sort through the crap going on this week, and not the actual cause of your issues, being trauma.

You endup chasing your tail in circles, basically.