After Jr. High Gym Class Trauma: Helping My Son Learn How To Bat

[nycowboy]

I was always the last one picked for a team in gym class. Except once. I was second-to-last. Such a great victory. Can any of you relate to this, and did it cause you any PTSD issues? It has been awful for me. I am now 43, and my younger son (age 7) is in sports. He is doing baseball right now (not his favorite - he lives for football). He had a game last night and struck out. He was pretty sad about it. It made me feel bad too - bad because no one ever taught me to play baseball or how to hit. So I feel really bad that I just don't know how to teach him to bat. I feel like less of a man because of it. I wish someone taught me how to bat. I only remember one time when my mom and dad took me outside to bat. I just don't get how to bat.

Do you have any ideas how to have me help him out? My wife is much better at sports than I am and she is willing to help him, but I can't get over the "men should help their sons with sports" thing. I even get sweaty palms when I think about going outside and batting with him - I'm sure the neighbors must be laughing at me all the time I'm outside with him.

 

[arfie]

How about teaching him that men should be true to themselves while using all available resources in whatever form they come? It takes a village to raise a child. It is okay if you do not have all the talents and/or your talents are not iconoclastic. Be the best and most honest you can be. It takes a whole lot more than a batting coach to run a league.

Just the opinion of a geek who never got to second-to-the-last place...

Gentle validation while you sort yours.

 

[nycowboy]

It takes a village... yes, maybe. But more importantly, it takes parents first and foremost.

And it is hard to be a dad and not know how to teach your son to bat. And I know it is OK not to be able to bat, but when you see your kid in tears, it is nonetheless hard to watch.

 

[scout86]

You know what they say, "Those who can not do, teach." Can you study up on batting technique and learn to coach?

I was also pretty much always the last chosen. I thought of myself as "not very athletic". As I've gotten older, I've learned a couple of things that have made me look at all that differently.

First, I found out that I have something called "cross dominance". I'm right handed, but my left eye is my dominant eye. In fact, the left eye is WAY more dominant than the right hand is. I learned to shoot a bow and a gun left handed and it made a huge difference in my aim. I also shoot pool left handed. This condition affects your apparent hand eye coordination and makes it really hard to do something like kick a ball that you're seeing from the left with the right foot. The other thing I learned is that I apparently have some ADHD tendencies. That probably accounts for me, being in the outfield, watching a hawk and forgetting why I was in the outfield. (Not that I'd have been able to catch a ball anyway, unless I either wore an eye patch or learned to catch left handed!) We're all different, but some of us are a bit more different than others. LOL

Seriously, I would think you can learn to TEACH batting even if you can't do it. (And it's totally possible that the reason you weren't good at it is something like cross dominance.)

 

[arfie]

With my own sons, their athletic daddy didn't have time and my pathetic best was pathetic at best. I commend you on being there, as best you can. We can only do our best with what we have to work with. I compensated my non-existant sport talents and knowledge with willingness to try, nature walks and whatever else I could find. In your case, you have an athletic partner who is there for him. Color me green with envy!!!!

The fact that you care is priceless.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

PTSD has to involve a life-threatening (implied or real) or sexual trauma (rape/implied rape and sexual assault). I'm not minimising your painful experiences and memories but I am providing you with the good news that unless you have another trauma like that, you do not have PTSD. This is a good thing as PTSD is a life long affliction that aside from being intrusive and painful, also disrupts your genes making you and your son more prone to anxiety disorders (including PTSD).

Something I'd like to stress is that (unless your son has said anything), you're projecting your own anxieties on to not only your son but your neighbours as well. Even if your son is not great at sports, I highly doubt people are actually laughing at him, especially your neighbours. Your fears could well rub off on him and become his own and become a far greater problem.

Something else I'd like to add is that your son doesn't have to be good at batting. He might be better at track sports, or no sports at all - maybe he shines better at maths, music, arts, science or something else entirely. His experiences are not going to be the same way yours were unless you make sure of it. If you're certain for some reason that his whole life depends on being a competent batsman/sportsman and your wife cannot teach him, can you afford a private tutor or are there some groups he could be involved in. Though if he, like you hates sports why push him towards it - to me it seems like wasted effort and money.

For you however alleviating your fears is important. Firstly (easier said than done) is to stop beating yourself up about this. Is there any pressure on you to teach your son from anyone else except yourself? Either way if you can't do it, there's no changing that. Accept that this is something you aren't capable of doing. That IS OK :) .

That's your only choice other than to face your fear, perhaps by learning as well? However if you are not good at the batting still (let's face it, some people are not able to do some things) it may upset you further.

Have you considered getting a therapist to help you get over your school problems and also the anxiety you are struggling with. Also does this anxiety (or any other symptoms) affect other areas of your life? This is a healthy way to deal with problems like this and should not be seen as weak or somehow as a failing.

 

[NovemberStar]

Being picked on or picked last for teams would not give someone PTSD. It could of course have a profound affect on your life, and you could have severe anxiety as a result, and suffer immensely - but PTSD, no.

PTSD symptoms include a range of very specific responses to a traumatic event. And the critters is very specific as to what constitutes clinical traumatic events. THis is not to say you can't be traumatized by non life threatening situations, but you cannot have PTSD unless the trauma either directly threatened your life, or that of someone close to you, or you witnessed the sudden and unexpected death of someone else.

If you have experienced trauma and been diagnosed as having PTSD to issues not related to being picked on a sports team, then that is different altogether - it might be something in being picked last that triggers up the previous trauma, and triggers PTSD like symptoms; but you could not get PTSD from being picked last on a team.

Hope that makes sense!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

the neighbors probably don't care about what goes on in your backyard at all. They probably don't watch you, and if they do, its more like an infrequent glance your way if they hear something going on. Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to care what goes on with everyone else. So, feel free to let lose and play ball! And if they see that you aren't the perfect baseball player, so what? Its not like they're in the MLB!

 

[nycowboy]

@KAS: I do have a dx of PTSD.

 

[nycowboy]

I get what you all are saying here. Getting picked last isn't PTSD. But regardless, I didn't ask this question just out the blue. It has bothered me for a long time and I finally got the courage up to ask it here. I was looking for an answer or advice and not a lecture on the clinical definition of PTSD.

And no, I don't push sports on my son. I don't waste money on sports stuff. I'm not one of THOSE parents.

But I was so bullied, put-down, and yes, traumatized when I was growing up - and yes, a lot of it was in gym class that I do have deep scars that affect me even today.[DOUBLEPOST=1400081227,1400080954][/DOUBLEPOST]Look, I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. I've been re-reading what you have said.

My therapist tells me that I have PTSD. But reading the clinical stuff that you have said above, November, I wonder, do I have it? I was severely bullied as a kid. I was belittled and was beaten up as well. The biggest thing was mental torture, though from my classmates.

Maybe I don't have PTSD, clinically-speaking... now I'm really confused.

 

[arfie]

Gentle validation, cowboy. Whatever the psycho-label, it is a tough ride. Easy does it. Keep your heels down.

 

[nycowboy]

Keep your heels down -- thank you :) Made me feel a lot better.