Other Agoraphobic... i just said it out loud

[turtlemoon]

Honestly I am considering a new job. My current one involves a lot of things that are intensly triggering to me, dealing with angry customers top of the list. I also have issues close scrutiny right now and am hypersensitive to it right now... like, I feel like I have to do everything perfect or something bad will happen. Combining the two... its panic inducing just to think about. Of course, if I have to find a new job.... my pay will be much lower, and I wont get as good of benefits. My T agrees with me about looking for a new job, but that is scary too. Just got to keep pushing.

I just asked one of my closest friends for help dragging me out of the house. Probably going to ask some others too.

 

[Muted]

Honestly I am considering a new job. My current one involves a lot of things that are intensly trigg...

I've been seriously considering the same thing.

 

[Mim28]

Thank you all. This is very hard. It's not just the leaving. I am a basket of nerves most of the time. Or I'm exhausted. I've done yoga, meditation, coloring. Therapy. I am just not expressing my self clearly with my t to help me get to the bottom of this. She said I've had fantastic coping skills for the past many years. I just can seem to shake this.

 

[gealach]

I don't know if this would help you, it certainly isn't right for everyone: what helped me the most was going back to work. It forced me out of the house, and I either had to cope or sink. The job is stressful, but is not a trigger. The location was a major trigger, so I transferred. Now, back to working & coping. :hug:

 

[Ronin]

You did it already, once, many times.

& You can do it again, even with hardships in your way.

Baby steps. Small tasks, small distances that you can take, look for ways to expand your comfort zone instead of going out of that comfort zone (or: how to make the unsafe feel less unsafe, instead of heading into the wilderness that's terrifying; how to make it safe in your mind first, before you venture out to the physical places).

& The world out there IS a damned scary place, but just as there can be danger? So there can be help.

Lots of it. When you least expect it. So cling onto /that/: You're not alone, and you're not helpless. You'll find some way through.

 

[Mim28]

@Ronin, thank you. I believe I will do it again. I just don't know when.

 

[Mim28]

@brokenEMT , thank you. I've been through so much physically and mentally lately, that I am just hoping for the energy to one day get back to work. Right now, I am so physically exhausted that I can barely stay awake. I don't know if I could handle the stress of work. I can barely handle the stressors of being at home.
I think I broke down and my body just isn't ready to be healed yet. I'm devastated.

 

[ladee]

I had to do baby steps. And I do mean that literally.

I set the goal to stand on my porch for 2 minutes. That first two minutes felt like two hours. But while out there I did self talk..I.e. I am safe, I am not in danger,etc.

And I went from there. Adding a minute after a few days until I was able to walk to the mailbox.

I had to set those goals and push thru it. The panic isn't going to settle first then face it. The panic is conqured a little at a time.

Are you on any meds that can help with anxiety? At this time I wasn't even diagnosed.

It is very real and overcoming it is work.
I still get anxious. Especially if someone else is driving.

But a lot of self talk before leaving the house...breathing exercises and distraction.

Its a horrible feeling and I understand. But I just couldn't spend the rest of my life in the house.

I pray you are able to do a tiny bit and be super proud and tell yourself how brave you are being.

Courage doesn't mean we aren't fearful, it means we do It anyway, even if we are fearful.

You are not alone.
Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[gealach]

@brokenEMT , thank you. I've been through so much physically and mentally lately, tha...

I'm sorry to hear that @Mim28, I remember what that kind of exhaustion feels like. I hope you can take the time to rest, and let your body recharge & heal. Your body will let you know when it's time to go back.

It might help to check your iron levels. Mine was super low, but not quite ''you need a blood transfusion low''. I was shocked by how much better I felt after supplementing for a few weeks, I finally had just enough energy to start doing helpful & healing things. I'm still supplementing too, when I don't, I feel like :poop:

I really hope you can start to feel better soon, you're too nice and helpful a person to be stuck inside a house. :hug:

 

[Friday]

Just checking... Actual agoraphobia... Fear of open spaces? Or trauma stuff? Isolating, control issues, anxiety/panic, stress & stressors, triggers, sensory overload, etc.?

Some of the treatment is the same, bit just like I'm not actually claustrophobic, I "just" don't like have my line of sight obscured/ being a sitting target/ captivity/ etc. (aka trauma stuff).... There's more to treating trauma stuff than phobia stuff. Not to say phobias aren't enourmously life affecting. But it's a single source thing, instead of a multi source thing, to oversimplify a smidge.

Some people honestly have both. I just want to make sure I know which you're talking about.

***

On the off chance I misplace this thread, if actual agoraphobia? Get your ears checked by a specialist. Come to find a staggering percentage of agoraphobics have chronic inner ear infections that screw up their ability to tell where they are in space. They can use familiar surroundings to compute where they are mentally, although it's exhausting, and any change to that environment can trigger massive symptom surge as their world literally tips on its axis as their brains are frantically trying to figure out "where" they are. One of the tells on this one is spiking anxiety any time you change elevation. Sitting to standing, for example, even in a familiar space. Or moving up/down stairs. Chronic inner ear infections need special medication to treat (and sometimes surgery if scar tissue has developed), as most are antibiotic resistant or specific to a few kinds of antibiotics that aren't given out for sore throats... or people wouldn't still have them after regular antibiotic usage to treat other infections! But it's a very very very easy FIX, in the space of a few weeks (Average is 72 hours post infection, the brain syncs up again with the world. Just like wearing glasses that make everything upside down turn right side up after about 3 days), if this is the source / as it's a conditioned phobia; rather than a psychological phobia, which generally takes months and years.

 

[Mim28]

@brokenEMT, thank you. I had a thyroid imbalance after the doctor changed my meds, but my numbers have just come back into normal. My vitamin levels all came back normal, but I make sure to take my supplements and try to eat well.
Thank you for your kind words. I miss being my helpful and energetic, confident self. I feel like a shell of a human.
I am trying to think ahead. Maybe I need a part time work from home position. I don't know what my future holds.
you are very kind to me and I appreciate it.

 

[Renee123]

I don't know anything about this, and I can't really give advice. But I just wanted to say that you're very strong for saying it. And I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that I can see you're a very nice person from chatting with you. I have so much confidence you can overcome whatever symptoms you're facing.

I dont know if that's the right thing to say, but I think you're awesome.