Alone time

[NaeNae75]

Our breakup last spring coincided with his birthday and an anniversary date. I’m a little worried it could become an annual thing.

My heart goes out to you. This is by no means "fun". This has been the worst "breakup" since the one 6 years ago. We do talk or text almost every day. We see each other almost every week, or every other. But he's so distant, I don't want to make it worse. Of course he has better days than others, but he doesn't even want to listen or do anything that may be misconstrued as us reconciling right now.

I mean, that's fine, I don't need that right now, but the holidays and half of the kids birthdays are affected by this. It sucks. But I have to let things go and see what happens.

 

[Freida]

Just be prepared for the backlash once counseling starts. In my experience, and with what I've heard on here, it gets worse. Sometimes way worse, before it gets better.

yep. I had emdr yesterday. I intentionally schedule it so that I am home alone the next day. I don't want ANYONE around me. I don't want to talk to anyone. But hubby is home today and just his breathing is pissing me off. He knows enough to keep his distance thank heaven because otherwise we would be in an all out fight and I would probably take off.

I’m a little worried it could become an annual thing.

you can pretty much assume it is going to be. I take off every year on my major one. By myself. Alot of us do. Understanding and discussing this now will make it easier on you in the future

 

[Phoenix(not)]

Do you mind if I ask if you were actively pushing them away, or just withdrawn? I appreciate your reply here. I, too, am struggling with a man that isolates. I'm trying to understand right now what I need to do as well. I do try to approach things as you said here, and be supportive from a distance. But if he really wants me to leave, I don't want him to feel I'm forcing myself on him.

(I hope this delayed reply doesn't adversely affect this thread continuity)

Sorry for delay in replying to your question NaeNae75. I think I became withdrawn and isolated because these surreal thoughts and feelings were beyond my life-experience. Very confusing times and perhaps conflicted with my masculine pride not wanting to show this weakness. Your situation is a conflict and there is no easy answer except perhaps if you do leave make sure he knows the "door is open" and not necessarily a permanent thing.

 

[NaeNae75]

(I hope this delayed reply doesn't adversely affect this thread continuity)

Sorry for delay in replying to your question NaeNae75. I think I became withdrawn and isolated because these surreal thoughts and feelings were beyond my life-experience. Very confusing times and perhaps conflicted with my masculine pride not wanting to show this weakness. Your situation is a conflict and there is no easy answer except perhaps if you do leave make sure he knows the "door is open" and not necessarily a permanent thing.

Thank you kindly. I'm in no hurry to leave, in all honesty. I'm just trying to let him process while I do at the same time. He's actually been a little better these last few days, but I'm not putting any "hope" to that. I'm expecting this to be a long process, and that's okay too. I guess I'm okay with things this way until I'm not. I know that sounds silly, but it is very true.

 

[Freida]

I guess I'm okay with things this way until I'm not. I know that sounds silly, but it is very true.

Not silly at all. I think it's a great plan. :hug: