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Alright We Need More Jokes
- Post starter Fargo1
- Start date
- Status
W
Wagon
And then this happened.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21030211
A Swedish friend of mine and I theorized about what was going through this persons head.
"Ok..what happens when I push this button...Oh, no don't want that to happen...push button again, no no no, Oh hell, push this button, oh shit."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21030211
A Swedish friend of mine and I theorized about what was going through this persons head.
"Ok..what happens when I push this button...Oh, no don't want that to happen...push button again, no no no, Oh hell, push this button, oh shit."
Can't really top 'life of Pi'. Still can't stop laughing. but here's a smile for ya'll.
The Newfoundland Department of Employment, claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him.
GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
The Newfoundland Department of Employment, claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him.
GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
W
Wagon
I am of the belief that all Human Resources departments in the world could be replaced by these two posters. Sack them all, put all your stuff on line self serve and divide the cost saving between the balance of employees as increased pay.
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Why?????
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?
Sorry for the double post but here's a fun test for ya'll
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
To my strange-minded friends:)
If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it
Even if you are not old, you will find this interesting...
Short Neurological Test
1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
699999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
3 - Now find the N below.. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
This is NOT a joke, well kinda' fun though. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer..
We live by what we believe-not by what we see
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
To my strange-minded friends:)
If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it
Even if you are not old, you will find this interesting...
Short Neurological Test
1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
699999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
3 - Now find the N below.. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
This is NOT a joke, well kinda' fun though. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer..
We live by what we believe-not by what we see
Tim Cake
Platinum Member
We should initiate a signed petition that demands Mayor Bloomberg kiss our uniform-wearing asses!
Anglesachse
Diamond Member
Kdis suftf.
You got aythinng hrdear woagn
You got aythinng hrdear woagn
W
Wagon
Not mine Aglnseasche. Not sure if this works in German.
It does the way I speak it!
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