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"After years of loyal service to the Rebel Alliance, Luke Skywalker discovers many unsettling facts. Not only is his Father the second most evil person in the Galaxy, but it turns out he's been shagging his sister for years. In addition to this he finds that The "Republic" has been docking his pay for "damages to equipment" and charging him rent on a robot he thought he owned. Utterly disgusted and suffering from PTSD aquired during some insane suicide mission in which many of his friends died, Luke decides to join the Imperial Japanese Navy as a Kamikaze. Unfortunately the Department of the Rebel Alliance Homeland Security has hacked his robot and prevented Luke from actually doing any damage.
R2D2 now resides at the bottom of the Pacific somewhere off Guam and Seaman Recruit Skywalker is enjoying his six months of galley duty on the USS Long Island."