Altered States of Consciousness

[shimmerz]

Super helpful abstract thank you. And maybe that’s the word that I’m trying to use is psychotic. I had another attack on Wednesday for the first time in a long time. I have no idea how are used to live like that. Like it was a chronic state

I’ve been working on trying to control the feeling of being two inside of my body and move my I’m gonna call it my point of consciousness. Been doing a lot of work with my eyes with that and it seems to be working but it is exhausting. And I don’t get exhausted very easily man it’s hard.

Anyway, thank you all for your input. Just confirming a bunch of things for me and I’m just gonna keep at it. I’m not really interested in floating away from my body for the rest my life or inside my body for that matter. Hard to be situationally aware when I’m burrowing inside to my big toe so to speak.

 

[Abstract]

Hi shimmerz, sorry about the attack. Totally understand the chronic state stuff.

I haven't had it for a bit now but suspect it wouldnt go down well with me now as I have a need to be present. In the past I had a fundamental desire and need to be absent. So it actually didnt bother me much for a while. It just was.

It really doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or anything psychotic going on. It is just a possible "normal" reaction to overwhelm. That too much button being hit. It could even mean you are a little creative minded.

I think acceptance is a good place to start and then for me mindfulness, self awareness (like the emotions stuff etc you are doing) and grounding was really important.

I had to want to be in my body. That was an ask and still is to an extent. Wanting to be in the body. Wanting to be real. It had to start from a place of my wanting to be present and in control of my life outweighing the need to be absent and away from my body.

Being connected is empowering and self affirming. That is what you want. Yes being situationally aware is very hard from the vantage point of your big toe. Being connected is more important than anything else. But dissociation is just a means of dealing with overwhelm. Nothing more sinister.

Its incredibly fascinating what the brain is capable of to help itself isnt it? You cant get more creative than living in someones big toe.

 

[hithere]

i have described it as an altered state. I really believed (still do) that I can't heal parts of myself without being in the altered state trying to do processing trauma exposure work. but my t disagrees and diverts me to keep me out of an altered state. it's actually been emotionally painful because of this, and it feels like rejection.

I have seen myself from other views and perspectives, whether from the ceiling looking down on what's happenig or from a completely different side. sometimes with a strong reaction I will go outside my body and I feel like I can see myself from outside my body. This is when I'm REALLY triggered. Knives used to trigger me like that, but I can be around knives now and talk about knives ok.