Alternative Dictionary Of Therapy (humor)

[watundah]

Isolation: The sound an echo makes inside the cranium.
Flashback: A quick trip to the Walmart return counter.
Avoidance: Hey, look, a hot dog!

 

[Ronin]

Hypofocus - What was said, I was focused on friend's hot dog, new input passed me by, can't think for jack

Hyperfocus - Oh, lookit, a cheaper hot dog :D On a hunt to get it for free, now. Not finished until I'm done with that.

 

[Ronin]

Hypnotherapist - A guy you punched in your sleep.

Sleep Pills - the true reason you forgot punching that guy.

Hypnotherapy - The process of learning to talk to plushies in your sleep, instead.

 

[anonymous]

IAPT - Incompetent Arsehats Pretending to offer Therapy
NHS - No Hope Survives

 

[trying2movefwd]

EMDR:
Encourage
Making
Depression
Rampant
(For Me anyway, I quit)

 

[trying2movefwd]

Termination: Therapist breaking the inner child's heart. She trusted you dang it!

 

[trying2movefwd]

DBT:
Do
Better
Today.

 

[sedna]

Neurofeedback Training =

Laying on a comfortable recliner in dim lights at a therapists office watching The Lion King on video with tiny electrodes stuck
all over your head and half asleep from boredom.

You're told the electrodes reflect you're calmer from redirected brainwaves via their computer system, you're charged $150 and an appointments made for you to come back to watch 30 minutes of Mulan a week later.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Coming to one's sensibilities and laughing at the Therapist who hustles Premieres of Mulan under the name of science. (*See post 128)

 

[trying2movefwd]

Group psychotherapy : Where the group meets to discuss the psychological issues the T might have.

 

[Anarchy]

The Hard Truth:
the narc who just used those words to justify feeding their grandiose delusions by hurting and belittling you - will now be mortally wounded and offended if you don't offer profuse thanks and gratitude to them for you having had the privilege of them feeding on you.

 

[Ronin]

Somatic Experiencing = Rousseau was right, back to nature fixes it all. ;)

Also: Correcting your freeze response by going ice-skating, or sipping cold beer.