Always Expect The Worst. Always

[dougyhowzer]

So today is my multi disciplinary arts organization showcase .

In my audio production class over the last 3 months , I learned how to put together a composition using software instruments.

I invited my closest friends to attend. My best friend told me he can come but won't be able to stay long. We also previously planned to have lunch together after the showcase concluded.

So not only does he tell me that we can't do a late lunch which upset me, but he also said he would have to leave right after my composition was played

So he asked me what was more important , having lunch with him, or him hearing my composition . I was deeply upset and hurt by what he said.

This brought a flashback because , almost 2 years ago , I was confirmed in my church , and my brother and family only wanted to stay for my actual confirmation , but leave for the rest of the service . I was so hurt by what he said.

 

[Friday]

Caveat: I'm assuming your best friend is a good person with admirable qualities who genuinely cares for you, which is why he's your best fried. If he's a duche bag, then disregard the rest and get rid of him.
________
Have you ever had a time in your life when you couldn't do something? Finals, perhaps? Or a toilet hugging case of flu? Or your wedding? A panic attack that's left shaking on the floor? First day at a new job? Inspection day at a job?

Any one of 1,000 things that you absolutely must be there for?

Now. Have you ever left, just for a few minutes or an hour, sneaking off to visit a friend? You shouldn't do it. It puts you at risk in some fashion, but you do so anyways?

I'm suspecting not.

Because once you have, other people doing the same for you becomes something you're thrilled over... Instead of deeply hurt and upset that they couldn't stay for longer.

It sounds like your friend has an obligation, that he can maaaaaybe squeak 20 minutes (or however long) plus travel time out of, in order to come to your exhibition. Or lunch. Or a chat in the car. 20 minutes. (Or however long). However you want to spend it on your big day, your choice, and he's all yours.

Yes. That he can't stay for the whole thing, plus lunch after, is disappointing.

However, whether you interpret his only being able to come for a short time to be a gift or a slap in the face is up to you.

 

[digger]

I would maybe try and focus on the fact that he's making the effort to come for your composition when it sounds like he's pretty busy?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I would recommend accepting his offer to hear your composition (I wish we could here it, I'm sure you are proud when you compose something) and take a rain check on the lunch. Maybe turn it into a celebratory dinner when you both are free.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Disappointments are hard for me to deal with. I agree with digger. Mabe make a lunch date for another time. I know what it feels like to be all excited in making plans and then they do not happen. If I was you, I would really look at how disappointed you are feeling. Good luck with the recital. Wishing you the best possible outcome.

 

[Laura 2]

Just a bit of affirmation in the 'always expect the worst' dept.

Thanks for raising this @dougyhowzer - makes me see how nowadays I always expect plans to go awry. Plan for it even - which means that I've generally got a Plan B of some sort. Quite often the Plan Bs turn out better that what I'd got planned in my head.

In fact, given the sheer volume of variables in the world, I'm amazed that Plan As actually do work out so often!

One of the most successful and happy, well-balanced people I know literally always has Plans B and C (and has often a D) lined up. It always works out well.

Seems to me that it's not that plans go awry - they do often - it's the amount of importance one attaches to Plan A and how we deal with that disappointment. I've learnt a lot from my friend-with-plethora-of-plans who acknowledges the disappointment and swiftly moves on to put lots of enthusiasm into alternatives. What I learnt is that behind the scenes, she's already done several web searches for alternatives, walked them through, prepared herself to detach from Plan A etc. so she's never stumped or at a loss.

I hope your presentation goes well and that you can throw yourself into having fun no matter what!

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Laura 2
Thanks for your perspective!

 

[dougyhowzer]

Thanks for all the replies since I posted this yesterday. I do have an update regarding the showcase.

I got to the event fine, unfortunately my garage band composition could not be played, due to some technical details. I received this news, about 15 minutes before the showcase would start.

Filled with more disappointment, and sadness, I left and met up with my best friend and girlfriend and had a late lunch .

The rest of my day wasn't so bad. I I was with my girlfriend and we went to another event that I was invited to, and we met up with two other friends and had a great time

 

[Laura 2]

Aww, that's a pity - and you'd put so much work and hopes into it.

But you got to have lunch with your friends....and had a great time!

Will there be another opportunity to present your piece another time?

 

[dougyhowzer]

Unfortunately . I don't think their will be. The piece was supposed to be only for this showcase because it was connected to what I learned from my audio production class .

In September when course start again. I will probably pick two different courses.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Can you post it to YouTube and share it with us?

 

[dougyhowzer]

Can you post it to YouTube and share it with us?

Unfortunately the files might have been corrupted. So it may very well be lost.
Instead what I will do is upload one of my compositions for guitar in the nearer future.

Don't worry Kwan, I full intend to share my music compositions here , because its part of a redemptive plan and is a part of discovering myself and part of my healing as well.

I also just started taking pieces for my 1st album , and I am starting tomorrow, it will take a while but I will keep everyone here up to date. I know everyone will like it :)