Always Looking For The Fight

[Shoka]

How do you handle it when even you feel like you always need to have a "Fight" in your life to feel normal? When something good has recently happened to you, and you can't enjoy it, but instead feel like you need to have some kind of "fight" in your life?

This is such a destructive feeling. What do some of you who have been working successfully on your PTSD do to work through this?

 

[onebravegirl]

I was brought up to fight. It was encouraged by my father. My older sister is physically handicapped so when I came along both my parents wanted a "SON". When I wasn't a boy, I guess my Dad thought he would raise me to be one anyway. My Dad had this test he did. When my sister was a baby he dunked her under the water-she came up gasping for air. When he did the same to me I came up swingin' mad. That made him proud. The when I was four I chased away a black bear while fishing on a River bank. That made him So proud. He raised me to have no respect for authority-except his. As I grew older I carried my anger like a badge of honour. Stupid. I guess after years of anger and fighting it became home to me. For years I did every awful thing I could do to everyone who loved me. I fought and fought and hit and kicked. I hated the feeling of when things were still/calm or peaceful.
But, then, I got really tired. Tired of all the resistance, the tension, the suspicion etc. I looked at my father and the men I chose to be with who were all just like him. I asked myself if I could see where their kind of living had brought them any real wisdom or peace or accomplishment or even LOVE to themselves. Nope. They didn't have a clue as to how to be HAPPY. And I really wanted to know what happy felt like. So I did a complete flip from how I was raised. I tried my hardest to be as open,loving,honest and free flowing as I could, and life got better. I decided it was a new kind of strength, to leave my heart on my sleeve. Sure it would get broken, but it would grow back bigger. It really has. I have aged and gained more balance over the years. It takes a great deal for me to get really angry now, but when I need too, I do. I just will not ever become the product my father intended for me to be. He's older now, and says he is proud of me for all the work and reward I have for this decision. He also says he is too old to ever change. So he lives alone with his dog.
So it all started with asking myself ?'s like-"Where will this get me? Is my anger healthy or harmful? Who is in charge, my thoughts or my emotions?"
You know Dr.Phil (kinda an idiot in my opinion) said something wise (once)
"When you are angry that is when you are playing the victim the most"
I like that.
O

 

[Deleted member 541]

I came from a pretty dysfunctional home too, and fighting was the norm.....

You obviously know that you are doing this, so you are aware of it. Now you need to stop doing it. I called it, *Old Behavior* when I was in therapy, and trying my hardest to change. I had to stop myself from reacting to things with the bad behavior.

I watched and listened other people and l learned healthier ways of dealing with things. I take a step back now and try to think logically on how to handle a situation. It's really hard to do this, but IMO, it's necessary.....We must learn to let go of all of the extra baggage that we don't need, but have used in the past to protect us......

Yes, I still screw up at times, and the Old Wendy shows her colors, but I allow myself those slip ups, now and then.

 

[NarcSis]

I grew up with 6 older brothers, if I didn't know how to fight, I would've died. I knew unarmed hand to hand combat by the age of 11 and I was taught that I now possessed the power to kill someone, so I should only use it as a LAST DEFENSE. I think this is the absurd way my two army brothers thought they'd defend my honour as a pre-teen girl while they were away!!! Needless to say, I never killed anyone, I preferred peacekeeping activities.

I have had to fight, rare and always "in the right circumstances"...as a defense mechanism, especially at work when I get attacked by patients. Do I like fighting? Hell, yeah. I get a rush from it. Right now? I'd probably cry WHILE fighting. LOL, stupid PTSD.

I don't relish my successes either. I feel the need to punish myself and it sounds like this is what you're facing. The hardest thing you will have to do is put the 'fighting' back in the box it belongs in. You know the stuff, 'turn the other cheek' and all that crap. Fighting has a purpose in physically defending you, that is all. It is not a way to distract you from how you're feeling, it is not a method to avoid beating yourself up.

You remind me of something my Mom used to say to us if we were teasing each other and trying to pick a fight, she'd say, "Come 'ere and I'll give you something to cry about..." We'd laugh but she was right. We were using fighting to cry and release pent up energy.

Don't fight your feelings. Don't fight your successes. Don't punish yourself. If you need to physically hit something, try a heavy bag or a pillow....