Am i a trigger?

[Aber]

Hello! I'm a supporter to my husband of 10 years. He has PTSD due to childhood abuse and childhood trauma. The vast majority of his trauma stems from his relationship with his mother.

As his wife and the mother of our kids, I sometimes feel like I am a trigger. Everything I do and say. I love this man so much, but he can't feel it at all. All he feels is that I hate him and am disgusted by him.... which is not true. I feel like I live in an emotional minefield. As kind and sensitive and loving as I try to be, he is forever finding "evidence" that I hate him and that I am going to leave and take our kids. (Abandonment= huge trigger) I feel like I'm constantly put in no-win situations. Sometimes I worry that seeing me as a mother is in itself a trigger. I would give anything to help him feel safe and loved. It's never enough. I feel so drained and helpless. Thanks for listening! Any advice or encouragement appreciated!!

 

[Owaz]

Is he in therapy? Are you? It sounds like you both could use it. You mainly as a support, for sure. Also, feeling drained and like nothing you do is enough means you need to take extra care of you, so I would also suggest you find ways of doing that if you are not already.

Other than that, many hugs!! You sound like such a giving and caring person.

 

[Makukiz]

Hello! I'm a supporter to my husband of 10 years. He has PTSD due to childhood abuse and childhood trauma. The vast ma...

Same here, I need answers as well.

 

[Vadazo]

I’m reminded of something from another recovery field that applies here: you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.

 

[Aber]

Is he in therapy? Are you? It sounds like you both could use it. You mainly as a support, for sure. Also, feeling drained...

Thanks for the kind, supportive words! We have been trying to get him into therapy. He keeps finding reasons to postpone and reschedule. I found an outpatient treatment center nearby, but is convinced that this will not help. I would love to get therapy. For some reason I feel guilty doing it until we get him in to see someone. Silly, I guess.

I'm trying! One day at a time! Sometimes I lose my patience. I'm trying to be hopeful but somedays its hard!

 

[Aber]

Same here, I need answers as well.

Sorry you're going through this too! We're in this together!❤

 

[Aber]

I’m reminded of something from another recovery
Absolutely! I try to repeat this to myself often. It helps me keep a hold on reality. In his heart of hearts he knows this too. It's just hard sometimes to bear the brunt of the storm. It can be so lonely.

I’m reminded of something from another recovery

Absolutely! I try to repeat this to myself often. It helps me keep a hold on reality. In his heart of hearts he knows this too. It's just hard sometimes to bear the brunt of the storm. It can be so lonely.

 

[Wuwa]

For some reason I feel guilty doing it until we get him in to see someone. Silly, I guess.

If you go, he may be more motivated to go.

 

[Ase]

If you go, he may be more motivated to go.

Maybe. Hadn't thought of it that way!