Mindy Smith
New Here
At age ten I was molested once by my grandfather. He later aplogized and we kept in the family. It seemingly didn't affect me too much, until later on. I remember molesting myself at age 12. It wasn't masterbating, but was a form of reinactment, I think. At 13 the cops found out about it and tried to arrest him. It only made things so much worse for us. Later on in my life I stopped molesting myself. When I was 15 my brother attempted to manipulate me into doing sexual acts with him. He made me promise not to tell, but I told my mother anyway. Mom decided no to tell my father. I felt so unsafe. My brother didn't live with us, but he had a key to get in. Years later, I finally couldn't take it anymore and begged my mother to tell my father. She told him.
I thought my pain would get better, but honestly I got worse. I have had panic attacks randomly. When certain guys even go near me I cringe. I have a strange compulsion to draw how I feel on paper. I suck my thumb still. I have fits of crying when I get flashbacks and at times I have compulsions to molest myself again. I feel like I'm about to snap, to be honest. The cops don't know about my brother. My brother's a dying man. What's the point anyway? Authorities often make things so much worse.
Anyway, what's going on in my head? Am I about to snap?
I thought my pain would get better, but honestly I got worse. I have had panic attacks randomly. When certain guys even go near me I cringe. I have a strange compulsion to draw how I feel on paper. I suck my thumb still. I have fits of crying when I get flashbacks and at times I have compulsions to molest myself again. I feel like I'm about to snap, to be honest. The cops don't know about my brother. My brother's a dying man. What's the point anyway? Authorities often make things so much worse.
Anyway, what's going on in my head? Am I about to snap?
