Am I abusive?

[fartingdonkey]

I just screamed at my mother for ten minutes and called her a crazy demon and said she was the worst, and I think I said I had to put up with her torture my whole life, among other things. I've yelled at her about four times ever since she cut off 4 inches of my hair without my consent yesterday. And then I started crying. I feel like I am an abusive psychopath. I don't know why I am so mad anymore. I have been emotionally abused, but that's very common. I think I'm extremely f*cked up.

Maybe I am just reactive, but my response seems 10 times worse than hers. Today, she was touching me, and I didn't like that, and she was saying I was messy and gross, and then I called her a total liar and a gaslighter, and I started screaming super loudly. I always take things so far. This is bad, right? Sorry I am super scared and lost

I'm really scared my mom will kick me out or harm me.

 

[Movingforward10]

I've just shouted at my partner. So we all behave in ways that we don't want to and regret if we are stressed or triggered.
Doesn't excuse it, because we are responsible for our behaviour. But it gives context.

Are you abusive? I don't know. But being screamed at and called things is not healthy or kind behaviour. So when you feel stressed like this, can you build in something to stop you from behaving like that?

She cut your hair without consent. And that you are worried she will kick you out or hurt you. Are there things there that need exploring? In that, maybe there is how she treats you that needs to get better?

Are you and her able to talk about these things?