Am I Being Silly?

[Gs172003]

Anybody else see the problem with being called "the wife"? As in " going for a walk with "the wife" " let me ask "the wife"?

 

[HëllaBubz]

Absolutely. I dislike it intensely as I feel it's a broad, non personal or unique identifier.

When we were buying our cars recently, the sales manager called someone over that I wanted to talk to, had forgotten my name (you'd think he'd remember the name of the woman who'd busted his balls on a sale price) and nonchalantly introduced me as "oh hi X, this is Y's wife, can you help her out?"

I remember leaning on the desk, looking him straight in the eye and holding his gaze while I said, "actually, he's *my* husband.... But you know, semantics and all that. I'm sure he doesn't mind being my possession.", and then watching the smile wipe off his face and shrink down in his chair.

"thanks for the help sweetheart, *small finger wiggle*, bye now"

And off I went.

Very satisfying.

Moral of story? I have a name because I'm a unique individual, I object to being identified by my relationship status.

 

[Justmehere]

I don't like being "the" anything.... I'm not a wife but if I was called the sister or the fighter or the friend or the anything... ick.

Silly or not, you get to choose what you are and are not ok being called and ask for respect for that choice accordingly. It might help it go over easier if you start off my telling him what you do like to be called and make it connect to him - like "I like it when you call me such and such, please use that instead of the wife..."

sincerely,
the myptsd member

p.s. yeah "the" anything feels icky to me. It objectifies a person and de-individualizes them.

 

[7Cs]

Honestly I don't mind. I think it is playful. Then again my husband is very kind and attentive. I also know his dad says it so I'm sure he picked it up from him.
I even sometimes call him "spouse" again... being playful.

:)

 

[anthony]

I certainly say that... just depends on the mood, like above, usually playful. "The wife would kill me if I did that." "Going to x with my wife." "Going to x with the wife and dogs." "I wonder who rules this house, the dogs or the wife?" And then I also just use -- Nicolette.

 

[Glo809]

Greetings

I use the term 'The Mrs' alot, but if the subject is more personal I use her name.

G

 

[pixel]

The place I've recently moved from, I'm well-known.
When family visited, at gatherings my friends would be meeting my family and say "Hi, I'm Pixel's friend." and not. state. their. NAME!
for crying out loud, "Mum, I'd like you to meet Julie. Julie, this is my mum Susan." (and then my mum says "Hi pixel's friend" to cheekily tease them!):facepalm:

I don't know why this occurs, it does seem to objectify. Maybe its done to highlight the relationship aspect of a dynamic.
Like "the wife would kill me if I did that" is putting emphasis on the relationship and shows how (anthony) values it.
~ just a thought.

 

[Gs172003]

Honestly I don't mind. I think it is playful. Then again my husband is very kind and attentive. I also know...

He doesn't say it to me. He says it to other men.

 

[HëllaBubz]

He doesn't say it to me. He says it to other men.

Well I guess it doesn't matter why or who he is saying it to, if you don't like it just say so. It's reasonable for him to try, isn't that what partners do?

 

[Thizette]

Anybody else see the problem with being called "the wife"? As in " going for a walk with "the wife...

I don't mind it, but it is hard for me to hear my name in a conversation and not cringe. Since my partner usually uses my name, I'm learning not to cringe at it. But I'm often called "my partner/girlfriend/fiance" when he's talking to other people, particularly his students and other people who don't know who I am. I often refer to him as "the Man" in a women's group I'm part of, because I don't want anyone accidentally blasting his personal information in the real world on accident.

I can understand, though, why it would bother you, especially if it occurs with frequency. The thing is, it doesn't matter what any of us here like or don't like about it, if you don't like it, then you can ask him to stop and he should respect that. I find when making requests like that there are four important rules: (1) acknowledge the person is not trying to hurt you or diminish your personhood (2) explain that it is upsetting because you feel _____ when he talks about you in that way (3) stay calm and repeat 1 & 2 as necessary (4) do not hold it against them in the future if they do something else hurtful.

 

[Friday]

I don't know where I picked it up, but it's certainly one of those multiregion things that exist in some places but not others.

I do know that I got in the habit of saying The Sister, The Brother, The Best Friend, etc. whilst in Montana... And it's stuck : Hey Mom! Have you seen The Father around? Or The Son? (Or The Offspring)... I don't think I've ever come across that bit of playfulness anywhere except Montana. I've gotten my whole family doing it, it's an addictive piece of fun.

But, The Missus / The Mister & The Husband / The Wife, as a bit of playful formality? That's in roughly 1/3 of the places I've been to?

Sort of like saying My Michael, or Your Caroline... Have you seen My Ian? My Johanna is a wonderful mechanic. Where's Your Charlotte? How's Your Sam doing these days?... Instead of just Michael, Caroline, Ian, Johanna, Charlotte, or Sam... is a multiregional thing. The Mine/Yours title just doesn't exist in some places, and does in others, and in some places it's generational.

 

[anthony]

I use the term 'The Mrs' alot

Ditto to "the missus" being used a lot.