Am I Being Silly?

[HëllaBubz]

Mine is referred to as "Oh father of the Spawn...."

He used to call me sweetheart. Like, never ever used my name til one day I cracked and told him not to call me that anymore! He stopped which was nice, and I had a nickname for him as well which he didn't like so I stopped.

It's all about making life comfortable and coexistence, you don't need to justify yourself, "it irks me" is enough!

 

[Sideways]

Silly that it irks you? Nope! I have a pet peeve with old men calling me sweetheart (ick!) but it's a generational thing so, pfft, let it go Ragdoll.

Silly that you don't just say "Geez that gives me the irates when you call me that!" Mmm, maybe a little:rolleyes::bag:

 

[Gs172003]

Silly that it irks you? Nope! I have a pet peeve with old men calling me sweetheart (ick!) but...

I call everybody sweetie honey etc if I don't know their name lol

 

[brae]

i interpret it as misogyny or probably internalised misogyny. the fact that it is internalised means that whoever is using the term probably has no idea of the power and effect of their words, and will usually get defensive if challenged. society teaches us to devalue women in the most covert and ingrained of ways, and it takes a lot for us to become aware of let alone unlearn that stuff.
really it comes off as a power dynamic thing, an ownership thing, which for me can be really triggering to feel that in a relationship.
i really hope your partner can hear you if/when you mention your feelings and needs around language like that

 

[pixel]

i interpret it as misogyny

Them's strong words!

If I was married to a woman, I would refer to her as "the missus" just as much as i would refer to my husband as: 'the hubby'. Am i being mysogynistic? or is it only mysogynistic if a man says it to a woman?

 

[rosey]

Why not respond by refering to him as "the old man" that might stop it.

 

[brae]

Them's strong words!

If I was married to a woman, I would refer to her as "the missus" just as much as i...

strong words? hardly. women and people who arent men still hold internalised misogynistic values. if we live in a patriarchy, we are conditioned to devalue women.
if someone doesnt mind being called a certain word and doesnt want to reflect on why it is that it doesnt bother them then thats their choice for sure
it doesnt detract from the fact that its still an objectifying and misogynist way to use language that does cause damage in many ways for many people/communities, and the op clearly stated it was distressing to her to be called the missus , i was offering my perspective
it is impossible to be misogynist to a man. of course men can experience oppression for sure, prejudice, abuse, racism, dehumanisation, ableism, classism... misogyny is the devaluing of women and feminine traits. our society is constructed in a way that generally gives men and masculinity the upper hand, its structural/designed that way

 

[Neverthesame]

Misandry. Is the word used to describe sexism towards a man.

If anyone cares to know.

 

[brae]

Misandry. Is the word used to describe sexism towards a man.

If anyone cares to know.

its just that if you look at it in a structural way misandry has very different purpose and consequences than misogyny.
misogyny is chronic in our society and misandry is usually something that happens as a response to misogyny out of self preservation and is less harmful
although the fact that society teaches men to be threatened by and dominate/devalue women/feminine people kind of makes it that misogyny is a self preserving thing too. a misguided preservation of ego imo, but still. we all have these values drilled into us and its so harmful to everyone involved in various ways. the small things like using the term 'the wife' are covert ways of keeping patriarchal values strong and prevailing

 

[Neverthesame]

@brae I believe that women are as capable of doing anything a man can.

This is what I was raised to believe. This is what I do believe. So long as I am alive, you can say with certainty. That there is at least one man out there that doesn't look down on women, as some sort of lesser being.

I'm also pretty sure I can't be the only one.

Back on topic.

@missy meier If you don't feel it's silly, then it isn't. Sorry, I can't think of something more useful. Too tired lately, brain not working.

 

[brae]

of course women are capable! i never meant to come across that way. im not putting women or men down in any way, i believe in empowering women and oppressed people(including men) in all circumstances because of the society we live in. im talking about structural / institutionalised beliefs that we are fed from birth and internalise. these are statements about, often unconscious, collective values. think of the media we consume without even realising, its absolutely toxic.
i dont mean to derail, i think its relevant and important to consider

 

[Gs172003]

@brae I believe that women are as capable of doing anything a man can.

This is...

I said to him.this morning, I hope you didn't mean the way you said that as objectifying or distancing yourself from me. If not I'm sorry for overreacting. He said he didn't mean anything by it and apologized.